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Come on girl, don’t take this crap from a man. He said hateful hurtful things to you. Believe him when he tells you who he is. You need to get out of this relationship or whatever it is, you can do better than this. I know you’re better than this.
Seems like he has sexual interests with other girls other than you. This sounds like a one-sided relationship unfortunately. If he wont change, you should break-up with him ASAP.
From what you've said, I feel like this guy is a total creep. Personally, I get the vibe that he's studying you, as in learning your mannerisms, routines, and basic daily habits. For what purpose, that I have no idea! And, from my experience with men, when a man is attracted to you, he will come talk to you – especially after you've smiled and said hi… he's not just going to keep staring at you for days on end. Take care and please, always be aware of your surroundings, even if it's just a quick trip to the bathroom while at work.
Should've asked how do i end this relationship, not how to save it, there's nothing to save here man you should see that.
I'm asking how do you tell the kids that it isnt their fault?
“Hey mom and dad are splitting, it isn't your fault, don't think about it.”
They will still think about it and it doesn't even address any other issues that I raised. If you are a therapist, then please explain the questions I have on the topic.
Try the slow romance. What do you have to lose at this point?
This is a very powerful comment. While I’m sorry you were in that terrible relationship I’m glad you were able to gain such valuable insight. I read it a second time with a smile on my face because I’m proud of you even though I don’t know you but that’s the only way to describe what I’m feeling
Omg, if someone ever tries to romance me by puzzle I’ll know they dont know me well
I’m use to her gaslighting me all the time
Is this how you want to be treated?
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Thanks guys for the comments and your time, it’s tough for me because I loved him, I know I have to do what you guys are saying though, it’s really painful because I would have never treated him like this and would do anything to make him happy but I it seems like it’s pretty obvious I’m getting used :/!
Only people that have had something bad happen in their life will get it.
There’s nothing wrong with you checking on him to know he’s okay.
Trust me its not long distance i cant do that. She lives in the country i live in i just have been abroad and also Trust me when i tell u i wouldn’t bag her if i had no rizz
Thank you for your advice. I know I stuffed up with that one.
Propose this instead. What ever you both have before the marriage is seperate and yours if you walk away. Whatever is earned during the marriage is joint and to be shared equally.
My advice on how to deal with this is to get a boyfriend who prioritises you and your feelings.
Yes duh. She isn’t very clear when it comes to this. Just says what she doesn’t like. There is nothing in particular that she has said gets her in the mood, just that she feels I need to be in control.
You aren’t being unreasonable. There may have been a chance at forgiving him but asking her out the day before your wedding was a choice. He’s lying to you. Don’t give him the option of divorce. Just divorce him.
He kissed a girl who is in a relashionship and in no way interested in him, which honestly could have led to her going to HR and forming a complaint.
He also harassed another employee who didn't appreciate it.
So he's not just a substance abusing, cheating AH who takes you for granted after already stepping out on you in the past, he also doesn't respect personal boundaries from other women.
But sure, stay with him and get married, that's going to be great for you. /s
Your life is incomparably more important than 10-year relationship. Why does the relationship matter if you are dead? Get out of the relationship. Now.
One day in the future, when you look back, you will be angry with yourself why haven’t you separated from him earlier.
I wouldnt kick him or, nor break up with him. We decided to do this together as a team
OP, I am wondering if your girlfriend is depressed? Does she use alcohol and/or drugs? All these things could be contributing to her behavior.
If she almost went home with a guy when out drinking with you what do you think she does with her friends or alone?
I hate to put that on you and it might be just this time but that’s what ran through my mind. Even if I could get past the drunken slap and the embarrassment that would be in my mind constantly
I do think you should end the relationship. He’s lying to you and playing you. I personally don’t believe in abortion so do with that what you will, but I’ll say a friend got one which left her sterile and devastated.
You need to have limits as to how much you'll do and take. Is he the only man in the world??? You can get into an actual healthy relationship, you accept these comments are reasonable them slip right back into defending this horrific relationship…
Do better by both working on yourself to be a better partner by continuing to address the flaws you acknowledge you have and moving on from a relationship where your partner already has a foot out the door.
She doesn't know you from a hole in the ground and tbh it's not your place.
She’s using you because you are so easy to manipulate and control.
Breakups hurt. There’s no way around it. But what is the better of these options
A lifetime of misery for you where you end up with no self respect and no self worth and no happiness A relatively short amount of hurt for they both of you which if you follow a healthy course results in a happy, healthy you
Stop being an idiot and a coward. Tell her it’s over. Hand her all her stuff. Block her everywhere. Focus on yourself. Eat/sleep/exercise right. Hang out with friends. Start a hobby. Worth a therapist to resolve the emotional issues. You will come out very good. Put this person in your past and don’t look back
And frankly she probably will too. She is going to be better off without you just like you will be better off without her
No because I was much smarter at 17 and knew not to sign for loans I couldn’t pay back.
Believe me hon stopping a wedding is so much easier than divorcing a year later and for what, placating other people because you don't want them to lose out on their money or time. Crap happens in life and they will understand, you do not WANT to put your children through hell for this man, he showed you his true self and it will not get better, it'll only get worse because then you'll be trapped.
Not even a little.
He’s MY boyfriend. Not hers.
OP,
I have had a lot of friends and family that have been in the Military. Some of the relationships break down due to being away from each other for long periods of time. Some break due to cheating on either side and some stay healthy and strong.
You already know what your girlfriends stance is, I don't think that you can change that. So you either as a young person, do what is best for you or you don't and try moving up the food chain.
Just remember now, Even staying with her doesn't mean you will be with her forever. So choose wisely
OP,
I have had a lot of friends and family that have been in the Military. Some of the relationships break down due to being away from each other for long periods of time. Some break due to cheating on either side and some stay healthy and strong.
You already know what your girlfriends stance is, I don't think that you can change that. So you either as a young person, do what is best for you or you don't and try moving up the food chain.
Just remember now, Even staying with her doesn't mean you will be with her forever. So choose wisely
Can't you meet at all? It's not “that bad”. But we can't fix a fractured bone on Reddit. Same here, if you want a real solution you need real help. There OBVIOUSLY is a psychological issue there as well, and you need to explore it separately and together.
Abusive relationships can warp your brain's responses in a huge way. Your response was the result of years of conditioning.
I'd encourage you to find books or support groups that address healing from abuse. It will take some time to unlearn the garbage he put in your mind, but you can.
You've said no. Tell him the begging is a HUGE turn off and it'll be NO SEX at all if he brings it up again.
I would be very honest with him and confront him on everything. I would let him know since he clearly has no respect for you or your boundaries that you are considering ending the relationship. Don’t disrespect yourself by staying with a man that has zero respect for you. Maybe you leaving and separating from him maybe the wake up call he needs.
That would really hurt my feelings. How someone deals with health issues matters.
Are you on her other socials? If so then let her have this channel to chat with her mates. You’re reading too much into it.
If you’re gonna have to pay $2400/mo for child support maybe get a part time maid. It’s cheaper and you don’t have to divorce. Also, send her to therapy and get couples counseling.
So first you both are only thinking about yourselves.
He wants kids, you don’t. Neither of you are thinking about the other.
But to answer your question – no, breaking up is the only solution.
You didn't do anything wrong. That was actually played very well. She is just projecting because things didn't go her way. I wouldn't even befriend her tbh as she seems to lack maturity at her age.
They can, but you’ll be a low priority as he has focused and the interactions possibly will be sporadic and not really be that of a friend in a typical sense where you can message them whenever you want, hang out and have them as a shoulder to lean on. I’m in touch with a couple exes but it’s very sporadic, small talk here n there and it’s not going to be much more than that…if they have a girlfriend then it’s even more likely to be an acquaintance type thing than a full on friendship
She wants a new life.
Your first response to him not saying it back was “what, you dont love me?”.
I would perceive that as a scary response, like “hey i made this huge step and if you dont make it too in 5 seconds i will be sad”. It puts a TOOON of pressure