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The truth is that you breaking up with her left a void in her life. It doesn’t matter if you were still there for her. You broke up with her.
People with BPD have an extreme fear of abandonment. They have this odd dichotomy of pushing people away out of fear of people leaving them. They also are incredibly reliant on attention and often take their value from attention. In her words, “male validation.”
You have every right to be hurt. But I’m just explaining to you, that she probably did it out of desperation and loneliness and the crippling fear of being left alone with no one to love them (a common fear of people with BPD).
You said it yourself, she takes an emotional toll on you that isn’t good for you. You did the right thing by breaking up with her. I’m sorry to say that she will always try to reel you back in (and then push you away again by doing stuff like this), if you stay friends with her. Sadly, what is best for you, and her, is to just leave. And not give her the hope you will get back together.
Her fear of abandonment might feel like it’s coming true, but that isn’t your responsibility. You said it yourself, you can’t handle being in a relationship with her. It’s too much. Do yourself a favor, and move on. In the long run, she will be grateful she didn’t have false hope
See OPs history someone summarized above. Your instincts were correct.
If a guy friend takes you to his room when you're drunk you expect to be able to pass out safety not be sexually assaulted. It's really sad when you think you can trust a friend and they betray your trust. So it's more than just a sexual assault it's a friend's betrayal that she is dealing with. Try to just be normal for her and “mother” her a bit with food and nude cocoa. Let her open up about it in her own time and when things cool down maybe you can convince her to report this sleez or at least warn others about him.
Therapy and anti-depressants
This person isn’t a “friend.”
Many people have office crushes on others they work with. Your office is just very small. You learn how to shut the attraction down. It’s not realistic and your only even still letting it play in your head because you are together all the time. Find the guy his own place to on-line and get some activities that are not work related. On a side note your relationship may also be getting a bit stale make sure the two of you have enough time together away from work.
I’m guessing she knows what you’re doing and doesn’t want to have to refuse you. Gather up your letters and put them somewhere safe. Propose at some non-Christmas time of the year.
I keep hearing people say that, yet I never hear anyone talking about prohibiting those under 25 from driving, working, marrying, etc.
Get a pet
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⬆️⬆️ this!!! it will only get worse.
He is covering up affairs. He knows his friend cheats and won't tell her partner, even threatens to leave his own partner if she says anything. That's covering for her.
I wouldn’t ever be able to look at either of them again.
What the fuck. Even if your brother didn't exist, your parents are the absolute devil for allowing your abuser anything to do with them and your family. You do not deserve this. Your brother does not deserve this. You should go to the authorities as I'm fairly certain that allowing a sex offender around a child would be grounds for having said child removed from the home. My parents also allowed a SO huuuuge amounts of access to me as a child and while he didn't sexually abuse me (to my recollection) as someone who was SA multiple times by multiple people I am disgusted they allowed that, put me in additional danger just because they felt like it.
I'd recommend going no-contact with your parents, uncle and his spouse as well as any other member of your family who has allowed, condoned or even just failed to condemn this. You deserve soooo much better.
Why are you with a 20 year old guy who won't even take you to the store? And why do you, a 27 year old woman, feel you need his permission?
Good for you. Be sure to check her deleted photos folder, too
Watching porn right before sex with you isn’t his “kink”. It’s a dependency he’s developed after years of watching porn constantly. I am NOT anti-porn at ALL but this dude has an unhealthy relationship with porn.
Its hilarious how often people here try to appropriate the concept of boundaries.
Because it almost never works. And because the long distance and the “I might regret this in six months” suggests she might be interested in someone and hedging her bets if it doesn’t work out.
Whether that’s the case or not, holding out hope doesn’t bring you anything but pain. There’s a world of wonderful people out there. Find one who wants to be with you.
So what he did was bad, that shouldn’t be discussed outside of your relationship.
But you using the cameras to spy on him, and eavesdropping on his conversation is nearly as bad.
More like communicate without letting my emotions lead me to still do it. It's like the first after he said his plan i don't know why my brain said “that's it you have to do it” and the second time I didn't even get to say anything except “picking his safety over mine” before he walked off after friend. Like I said I feel very hurt about what happened but it was not an easy situation at all. Just felt like a lose lose all around and i froze when i could have said something
Why would you even want to marry such a disgusting woman?
Like she did while sending nudes to someone else? Did she consider your relationship? Was she thinking about the kids? No, she didn't. Take a page from her book and put yourself first and leave.
It's also putting your kids first, do you want your children someday in your shoes? Being cheated on? If the answer is no then show them how it's handled and walk away.
If she was ugly would you still be patrolling him like this? Don’t you get tired of policing a grown man’s behavior to see if he went over some arbitrary line you made up in your head? If you don’t feel like you can trust him LEAVE instead of acting a guard in your own home.
Yuck. He’s using your mouth as a masturbation tool. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to not be ok with that and him refusing to put his damn phone down shows even more lack of respect for you as an autonomous human rather than a convenient mouth.
From the messages, the woman isn't going to be at the bus stop any more.
As a woman who will be turning 26 in a month— your girlfriend is not only a predator, but she’s also an abuser
There’s a reason people don’t like her, take the hint and RUN
Oh young man, you have barley been an adult long enough to date many woman from the west as you say.
You have dated young females. Who are well within their right to on-line their life how they like.
You are a misogynist, how dare you put woman down, who clearly don’t want to date you.
Very sad individual indeed
I've done it too. Been so frustrated. Usually its at someone else disagreeing in a similar manner as the one I am replying to.
I’m curious as to their genders.
Advice is to go see a lawyer to start your custody agreement.
This post is just you consistently making not very particularly smart choices. I'm not saying this to put you down or make fun of you, so sorry if it sounds that way. But its time you kick your ass into gear and start making smart choices.
You need to recognize the decisions you made. You made them young and niave. You had 2 kids young. Got engaged young and now very likely to have an ex fiancé all by the time you're 23.
Stop trying to forgive her. Working on things for the kids is probably the single worst thing you could do for both you and the kids. Recognize you've had multiple signs it wasn't going to work out with this person.
You need to seek actual legal advice outside of reddit in regards to custody.
Not sure why you'd think she'd get full custody unless you completely abandoned the kids or are leaving some important information out like youre a wanted felon.