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So what advice are you looking for? What you did was stupid and what you are teaching your son is wrong.
Can a person under stress and pressure not have a bad dad from time to time? I honestly think you should have stepped up and kinda managed the situation better. Also even thinking about separating after something little like that to me makes it sound like you would leave over something little like that.
I do not prioritize time with her, but we on-line 4 hours away from each other so it is naked to make trips to see her
How often does she make an effort to come to you and vice versa? It sounds like she wants you to make all the effort, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.
She mentioned that I am not my true, authentic self and the last time that she felt that I was, was on a trip last year when my current boyfriend and I were separated for a few months.
Kinda sounds like she just doesn't like your BF. Whether that's jealousy or she has a legit reason for not liking him, I can't say.
She recently told me she was extremely disappointed in my for “choosing my boyfriends family” when I said I was spending Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine
This is a perfectly reasonable compromise to see both of your families and it's a thing that many couples do every year.
I feel very happy where I am in my mental health and emotional well being.
Good, that's mostly all that matters at this point.
Is this a situation where we’re just growing apart or the only thing we have in common is having the same parents?
Possibly. These things happen as you get older, it can get harder to connect to people because we're all living busy lives and if they aren't geographically close and/or putting in as much effort as you then we drift apart. The good news is that family often has a reason to come back together so hopefully your relationship/closeness with your sister will rebound.
Also, I get that your sister seems upset about you guys drifting apart (or whatever is happening), but it's really unfair for her to project all of the responsibility on you. A relationship is a two way street and if you guys aren't communicating or syncing up like you used to then that's just as much on her as it is on you to fix.
So certain stds can lie dormant for a very long time. Could have been an x from years ago he got it from and it is just now showing it’s self.
Please speak to a doctor, ask him to have it looked at. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating. Also when adults kiss babies so when he was a baby even an adult could have passed it on. Not in a nasty way of course in the older days people aloud others to give their child a small kiss.
But yes odd he’d use a coworker’s chap stick because sharing even mascara can cause issues.
Yes OP. You are groomed. And he is a very sick person. You were 16 and he was 27!! Fucker needs his nuts cut off!!
You have years ahead of you. Be wise and kind
Peace
Who's fooling who? You admit you would throw yourself upon this new guy with more passion than you've felt for your current boyfriend in years. You cultivate your relationship with this new guy by giving him time and attention at the coffee shop as emotional affair fodder. Things are a bit out of your control as the fog envelops you. Soon your whole office will know the score between both of you.
I think you would be doing your long-term boyfriend right by breaking up with him immediately. None of this is his doing. Just move out, tell him you're in love with another man, but you will remain neighbors.
I had said I would give my sister's partner a Xmas gift.
This was not a Xmas gift and OP said she was sure the brother had a crush on her.
Your situation is still different because your sister's man has been with her for 5 years. How long has OP been with her boyfriend?
And my point of bringing up the other post was that the guy in that one did everything right when that OP's sister crossed the line but people were still trying to twist what he said into some kind of red flag.
He treated a 19 yo student better than you. First of all, he absolutely needs to be reported. This is predatory whether she realizes it or not due to his position of power. Secondly, you gave up a good opportunity for your own life due to him and he cheats??? Nope, throw the relationship out and take care of you.
He wants a SAHM and you want to work. Split the difference. Do the SAHM for a set time. Say till the kid is 3 or 4 then go back to work.
So why are you still with her? You really want to on-line with a person like that for the rest of your life
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My bad for not wanting to date literal psychos or dusty chicks who dont shower. this is useless advice in that, I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW IF YOU READ MY SHIT.
Worst take here.
Precisely this. They should know the truth and that there was a premeditated and calculated abuse of trust. This woman doesn't get to just step into the step mom role either, what they both did was so messed up and has broken apart an entire extended family. It's tight to protect the children from this dynamic
You just need to bear with the consequences later in your life, especially in finding a life partner. You sell your body for money, kinda nude for a normal man to accept. You have to find a man with the same moral values as you.
My bad on the misread. But the age gap is concerning. Good luck.
You’re literally being groomed
Yeah WTF
First she says she’s not ready, so take her at her word. Second, when stressed her reaction isn’t to seek support from you, it isn’t to let you know and ask for space, it’s to go straight to nuclear and break up. This is a horrible coping mechanism for stress and a huge red flag. Any stress and she could react like this again. Let this one go.
A good partner listens to our boundaries and if they accept them, they follow them. A bad partner listens to our boundaries and does exactly what you BF is doing ignoring you and your boundaries. You can’t trust him, he will just get better a hiding what he is doing. Liking pictures on someone’s IG or etc can lead to messaging and having an EA on you. You are worth so much more. Find someone that respects you enough to be a good partner.
Let it go
This is Not Your Business
Intrusive thoughts got to him
I know exactly what you mean
This is nonsense. If you have a good date with someone and hope to see them again then mind games isn't the way to go about it. Not only that but waiting 72 hours makes them look like an after thought. Tell your mates to grow up.
That’s what I was thinking.. he has told the girl if there was a way for me and her to be together again he would gladly give up both of us as he knows how happy we were.
I truly believe this was a moment of weakness for him where he was lonely due to his own relationship falling apart and he got lured in by it.
He says it's because he felt left behind. Even though it was only for a temporarily time, he was free to come whenever he wanted (he was a student at that time) and i messaged him every goddamn day in the start
Back when I was seeing a therapist I did talk about my attraction to him. That’s how I came to understand that the attraction was more to the idea of him and the thrill of something happening, not that I actually wanted to be him. I thought that after figuring that out, I could get past it and I thought I had for a while but apparently my brain decided to mess with me while I sleep!
I'll mention it 5 times and he always says he'll do it later, and eventually gets mad that I keep reminding him. But if I try to do it myself, he gets mad because he was going to do it. If I try explaining that it would be helpful if he actually took the burden off me, but me having to micromanage it to make sure it gets done adds more stress, he gets upset and cannot have a logical discussion about it. All he hears is 'you're fucking up bro' but doesn't seem to have the self-awareness to just… scoop the litter regularly? And then if I don't remind him and he forgets, he says I should've reminded him.
Your husband has ADHD. I mean, I'm not a psychologist and am in no way qualified to diagnose him based on a reddit post but I do have ADHD and also saw a lot of myself in your description of your husband and particularly in this. I simply forget to do stuff like this all the time, to the point that I have started to put little reminders in my phone for stuff like taking out the trash so I don't forget because unless it's right in front of me I will forget about it (if he's not already doing this try it, just have him put a little reminder in his phone calendar to take out the kitty litter and see if it helps).
Being extremely sensitive to criticism or perceived criticism is also a huuuuge ADHD thing. Lots of people who have it grow up being told the way we thing or do things or behave is wrong and become really sensitive to that particular kind of criticism. He constantly feels like he's doing everything wrong and when you point it out in a way that seems helpful to you he experiences it as a personal attack.
I wish I had more advice for you beyond therapy but that's all I've found that helps but he maybe also might want to look into medication? It could help with some of the executive function stuff like forgetting to do things, etc
WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST CONTINUE THE CONVO CASUALLY WITH THE KID, then TALK TO WIFE ABOUT THIS BEFORE BLOWING UP YOIR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM?
Just how furious is your wife?
I will do!
You can expect the therapist to listen to both of you explain the difficulties you want to overcome. They will ask relevant questions about your life together, your birth families, how your parents got along, etc. They may assign you books or videos as “homework” between sessions to gain insight into why your partner acts the way they do, or assign communications and trust exercises to practice every day. Couples therapy is not just passively sitting on the couch and talking. You will both need to be fully invested and ready to work to repair your relationship, and much of the work will be emotionally nude. If one of you basically dragged the other into therapy and they decide they just can't (or won't) do the work outside of the therapy sessions, you might as well let them drop out and just continue with the same therapist on your own. Maybe they will rejoin you again later, but it's not at all helpful to force them to go against their will.
Therapists use their training and experience to evaluate your relationship and perform a sort of triage during the first session That allows them to start working on the things that are most likely to quickly improve the current dynamic between you. That slight improvement helps to build optimism and hope for a better future, so you can continue on to solve less urgent but still important relationship issues down the road. Unfortunately, that process often means focusing on changing one partner's behavior, before working on the other person. If you are the person being exclusively worked on, it's easy to feel like the therapist has taken your partner's “side” and they are ganging up on you – especially if you are highly resistant to the things they are telling you about how YOU contributed to the current situation, when you are sure it is all your partner's fault and that's why you agreed to therapy in the first place LOL. But if you can stick with it despite the discomfort, you'll eventually realize that you DO need to change your ways or improve your communications if you love your partner enough to want to stay in the relationship with them, and that revelation can be life-changing. It can improve your relationship in ways you couldn't even imagine before therapy. But it is still naked and sometimes painful emotional work. Expect to shed a lot of tears, and occasionally get very angry at your therapist. That's normal.
I don't know if therapists ever actually recommend that people break up. But they may be able to help you come to terms with the possibility or probability of a breakup, and cope with it emotionally. If your relationship problems are already so deep-seated that there's virtually no chance you could still turn things around and make it good again, your therapist can gently lead you to make that conclusion for yourself, especially if you and/or your partner already have one foot out the door. That's why it's important to see a therapist BEFORE you reach the point of no return. Therapy works best when you mutually decide to improve your communications patterns and resolve any betrayals or resentments when they first start to drive a wedge between you. Good luck!
Good for u!
Apples and oranges.
Tbh this gave me the ick.
Drag is a form of entertainment that, while it can be sexualized, it’s not inherently so. It’s a performance and it takes talent and confidence and showmanship. You saying this queen is gorgeous is admiration and is clear it’s not sexual, unlike the comments your bf is making about his coworker. That’s a big yikes from me.
Also the showboating about proving you wrong?? Is gross. I’m sure he has redeemable qualities and there are good things about him. I would take your time to collect your thoughts on this and then try to have a serious conversation. How I’d choose to move forward would be dependent on how that conversation went.
So if you dont leave this guy you have to accept that your okay dating a pedophile. Because anyone who has sexual attraction to children is a pedophile. Even if he never touches a kid. Just looking at their pics while he gets off is violation of each child he does it “with”. That's just disgusting. I'm not judging you, just telling you how it is. I could never be with anyone with those urges, or even have contact with them.
2023: you leave.
Think you meant this for the other person.
How convenient that now ALL THIS STRESS is your fault for “applying pressure to him”. Wow! Good thing none of this BS is his fault.
From an outside perspective, it's OBVIOUS that this guy is full of BS and doesn't want to marry you OR have children with you! You don't want to accept that because you just want to on-line in a fantasy land where everything would be so great if only BF would propose and we could have children and it would be lovely…etc.
THAT is a Hallmark movie! It bears absolutely no resemblance to your actual real life TODAY! The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be kind and fair to yourself and stop wasting more of your precious life on some guy who doesn't care about you even half as much as he cares about himself.
What is your husband hoping to accomplish with that? He’s directly confronted the guy and it didn’t stop his bullcrap.
Look at the time difference between your comment and theirs- it's entirely likely those high rated comments hadn't been made or weren't highly rated yet.