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Your mom's life seems to be worth less than a pack of spoiled milk o-o
I feel like the whole dinner thing is too difficult to judge. Too many other factors. They've been friends for 5 years. How good of friends are they? How often do they go out to dinner? Anyone else ever join them? Where are they going out to these dinners? Etc etc
Really just playing devil's advocate at this point, but they could be extremely good friends and the dinner is 110% platonic. Would the dinners even be mentioned if the coworker was male? Or would OP not bat an eye, as it's just a guy going out for a meal with his best friend?
The dinner aspect aside, the rest of his behaviors are enough red flags to warrant moving on anyways
Holy……. forget the fact that he is old enough to be your dad , depending on where you're from , society will brand him with the worst of labels a man could have attached to them , and most of these labels might be true if you knew him before you were 18 , and this alone could destroy both of your lives, so you should consult with your parents/ guardian/ or close friend to get a clearer picture
Agree with this here and glad OP read. Excellent advice.
Now how to sneak this into my next partners Reddit timeline ??
Welcome to the real world. It’s not like school any more. Maybe he didn’t want to take a day off in the week because he would have to work the weekend instead. I’d feel the same.
Just celebrate at the weekend like normal working adults do.
Dude, take it from someone with ADHD, sometimes we just completely and utterly forget to talk to certain people. I've been with my partner for 8 years, we have kids together and we live! together but sometimes I forget she's even here. Imagine that kind of thinking but over a great distance and via a messaging app, there's a good chance she just forgot to talk to you.
At the end of the day, you will be responsible for this child. What kind of support system do you have? Will your family help out? Do you have a regular job? How will you pay for everything this baby needs? How will you continue school? How will you take care of the baby if they have a disability? If you end up hating being a parent, would you give up parental rights?
Everyone feels quite hopeful when talking about babies but you need to think about yourself and answer these tough questions before you make a decision. At the end of the day, you’ll be primarily responsible for this kid. Even if he and his family are excited for this baby, it does not guarantee that they will help you raise this child. It sounds like you’re only thinking of having this baby out of guilt, but this will be for life. Good luck OP!
He's already gotten what he wants and forgot your special. Switch your thinking to friends with benefits and you individually in your plans or you'll be heartbroken even more. If he wanted you to feel special and number 1,,, he'd do you first and always THE priority in all his actions. Just sayin
Oh,,, cut him off. Get your own place and him also so your not supporting or buying his affection. It never ends well but it does end. Might as well be the winner ?
Tell him his penis is too small and that his personality no longer makes up for it.
This board has definitely taught me age differences are massively correlated with the guy being an ass.
“Wow that guy sucks!” Then “oh, right, he’s 10 years older than her.”
I totally don't get the brown eyes thing. Maybe I've just never realized it was seen (by racists) as a bad trait or something.
and just like that she forgot she how she was treated, that she had a boyfriend and that anything other than their own feelings matter
My thoughts are you and this 'woman' are trashy cheaters that will have a miserable relationship and will constantly accuse each other of being cheaters.
Are you sure you aren't projecting or extrapolating? It seems pretty odd that every single place you work they are “out to get you”. Could it be that you just aren't used to dealing with a wide variety of people and personalities? Are you being overly sensitive?
If you’ve bever been together then just break it off and get back together if he ever moves to the area. Otherwise you’re just wasting time. Indefinite ldr is too naked imo cus there’s no end point
How would you suggest people to get over their insecurities? I’d appreciate the advance.
Dude… not many details there, but I feel you're leaving out core details from the post. You had 3 little kids, OF COURSE you shouldn't be going out all the time with your friends. Your wife deserves sleep/alone time as well and she shouldn't be the only one to take care of 3 kids while you party and have no responsibilities until the morning lol. Now seems like the kids are grown up a bit, they do not need so much attention. Why wouldnt she go out?…
Believe me this is solid advice, it sounds daft to those in the rose tinted early part of a relationship but living with someone else is incredibly testing! You can get along with them 99% of the time but then some things you are exposed to 24/7 with living with them can make or break a relationship when not tried and tested!
I have not deleted a single comment of mine. Point it out? Where?
Do I need to add delusional to disingenuous?
Bro, there are books written about this. All I can say is get mentally prepared. When your wife all of a sudden (15-20 years later) starts going to girls nights out at the bars and clubs with younger (but more importantly) single friends, more often than not disaster strikes. If you want to stay married, I'd look in to getting some help. You need to find out the reason why. Like now. Sounds like she is either pulling away or checked out already.
Yes that’s a good idea, thank you!
Go for it tiger, practice makes perfect, & if you don't use it, you lose it. This is all a game, so you can't take it too seriously. The anticipation is half the fun, but it shouldn't prevent you from making decisive moves. Play the field & see what's out there, hell, you may even find someone who won't turn down your offer to ask them out.
Used, VPNs, TOR Browser, another PC, etc…
I feel like a need to test anyone, not just her. I don't feel good about being like that, but that's how it is
STD test
Don’t be so sure about that
my husband still try’s to wake me up for something something by doing this……. 98% of the time it’s at 4am. he’s told to fuck right off 2% of the time. ?
At this point I don’t know if I just need to put my foot down, talk to a therapist, or I need to get my shit together?
Try all three!
but he never discussed this with me until this close to it.
Well theres ya problem. he knew it would be a problem/issue and decided to hide it from you until the last possible minute and pressuring you to cave and break your boundary because of the implication that 10's of people would be dissapointed or whatever.
He is a total tool for this and this would be break up material for me easily.
I had that problem as a guy. What i just did was press not interested on all videos of that boring oversexual nature, to correct my fyp. After a while the compulsion to see them lessened and i never specifically look up those now.
Sure i still get some but its not so obvious and maybe the specific action of choosing “not interested” helps unconsciously.
No. He had a reason. Being a complete asshole and idiot. No excuse. Kick him to the curb before he keeps doing it.
Hope OP sees this comment
This was so painful to read. I feel like you’ve been gaslighted into feeling that what he’s saying and doing is normal. It’s not. And while most issues I see in this sub revolve entirely around the lack of communicating with partners, this one’s the opposite: he communicated exactly how he is both verbally and physically MANY times! Nothing he said was a joke. None of it was funny. Sleep play, drug play, etc. are all things but they revolve around both partners being into it, not forcing someone into things or even taking advantage of them against their will. What he’s doing is showing you that he doesn’t care about you — he cares about himself. And then gaslights you when you start to question it. He will likely try to come up with a way to explain why you’re wrong or misunderstanding again. But that’s his manipulation tactic; he has to come up with ways to trick you into staying, whereas you need to run, and fast. Don’t even look back!
You acknowledge that this isn't a healthy friendship and cut contact.
Then you go date someone and live! a life of pure bliss.
Like what is it you hope we will say here? You're hitting on an engaged girl, that is gross and she is clearly controlling even without being in a relationship and that is sad. You have all the worst parts of a relationship with none of the perks and even that tedious dynamic has a time limit on it.
Like where are you at in your life that you feel okay humouring this.
Wow, you're like the total reverse of enlightened dude… A win for your partner is a win for you? You want things harder on her, what's wrong with you? Why are you competing with your girlfriend? You're supposed to want the best for her…
She may be jealous of the time you spend with him instead of her.
I would frame this conversation as coming from concern about his health not your sexual desires. Suggest he speak with a doctor if he hasn't already so he can be fully informed. Not just about if he is a candidate for the surgery, but if there are alternatives to surgery, and the possible long term affects of foregoing treatment. Offer to go with him if it would make him more comfortable, but don't insist on being there. Or help him make a list of questions to ask so he doesn't forget again only if he wants the help. If he ultimately decides not to see a doctor or not to have the surgery, it's his choice.
Hahaha yep, the people here are nuts. This is so beyond entitled.
Why don't you just ask the coworkers who said it if you think it matters?
This was clearly said in a playful context in a group conversation with other coworkers, so if it made you feel uncomfortable or made you think more in-depth about your own preferences, all you have to do is ask the people who suggested it to elaborate.
The problem is trust is not something you just decide to do, it is something that needs to be built over a long period of time, which sometimes requires self examination and therapy.
Maybe you guys just need to reevaluate the whole thing and stop trying to make this particular thing “work”? You’re both annoyed and it seems like he’s leaving you with an “assignment” to watch something you don’t even care about while he goes and does something else. He can talk movies with friends or other enthusiasts—doesn’t have to be you.
I have a hobby I’m very into—horses. I don’t expect my partner to come to the barn with me or listen to me go on and on about the horses-I have friends for that.
He doesn’t look he’s age, I also dont really get along with people my age..
I know he has a temper but yeah you’re right. He always just says he just says that kind of stuff because he’s angry. But it’s happened so many times already and we’ve only been dating for a few months. I keep thinking or hoping it’ll get better. And it does.. for a day or two then it’s back to the same shit. I like everything else about him but it’s like the tiniest thing sets him off then he’ll say like the meanest thing he can think of.
Basically in her mind she thinks I will constantly compare her to the other girl.
“She didn't complain as much as you, that's for sure”
Seriously, if she is worried about comparisons why make you miserable? That makes her look bad by comparison.
If you don't mind, what is your sex life like? If it hasn't gone well that is probably making it worse.
On the other hand, some people are fundamentally unhappy so they latch onto whatever they can to blame their unhappiness on. If that is the case, then if it wasn't this it would be something else.
Stop apologizing when you've done nothing wrong. It only fuels her overblown sense of self-righteousness.
You’d have to be over 300 pounds to be ‘the fat one’ in that relationship and that is dangerously unhealthy, just like her current weight is dangerously unhealthy for her. If she thinks the solution is for you to be as unhealthily obese as she is, she’s not looking out for your best interests.
The rental leases I have signed have stated something like this. I could have a guest stay no longer than 14 days straight in a 6 month period, and no more than two overnights in a row without written consent of the landlord. If you don't have this spelled out in a lease, I don't know what you can do.
I understand the frustration. You only signed up for one roommate, and now you have another person sharing common areas, which can make the place feel crowded and uncomfortable. If you pay utilities then this guest is costing you money too.
Check your lease to see if there is anything about guests. If there is nothing in the lease talk to the roommate and tell her you are uncomfortable with him being there so often. If she refuses to do anything to alleviate the situation then talk to the landlord.
Get a life kid.
I think he knew you fpr a long time, and moved there to finally have the chance of getting closer.
Photos of you sleeping is concerning. I admit i made photoe of my partner sleeping but i showed them next morning and told them i made it because i did find them irresistibly beautiful.
Talk to him.
Or… he has hyperfocus and combed through the internet for them….
It might well take 3 years if she needs to go part time instead of full time. 2 years is standard. An extra two semesters is not surprising. Not everyone can afford the time
So… He likes your looks and loves his friend… Um, sis, you see what we want to tell you?
I definitely agree with you and have decided to help her out of her shell but first i have to come clean and make her aware of the whole situation.
I think you already know. At this moment in time, and possibly for some time to come, it brings you more pain than joy to be in his orbit. You are still in love with him, and having him around will prevent or at least slow your process of getting over that enough to be able to move forward. I would advice you to cut contact until you are in a position to not have the encounters or calls or texts full of that emotional baggage. He has made his choice. Your responsibility is to your own health and happiness.
I would be completely open with him, and tell him that you respect the choice he had made, but that you are not in an emotional position to be his friend at this point. And that you hope that he still loves you enough to allow you to leave and heal on your own.
Or should I entirely cut myself out of his life and go our separate ways
I think this is best for the both of you and i can't imagine his fiancé being okay with the friendship either.
You say your wife is tired after work and she was previously a stay at home mom. Did anything change in who handles all the household stuff like Cleaning, cooking, kids homework, groceries etc. Or is she still doing all that as well?
If she is still doing all the house work and child care than your wife has now 2 full time jobs, while you still only have the one and nothing changed for you. Pick up at the very least half her work load so you now have another job as well and see how much energy you have left
It sounds like you already know what you need to do. You sound like someone who already has the capacity to work tremendously naked and now are reaching your physical limitations.
Through my 20’s I worked through many signs that I shouldn’t have ignored. I promise you I’m paying for it in full in my 30’s. It’s been said a million times before but truly, without your health you don’t have much.
A couple semesters to recuperate and rekindle the love for your line of work shouldn’t affect your outcome in any way. You’re an adult, you can make decisions for yourself, especially when your health is what’s at stake.
OP. You want my honest advice as a 38 year old woman who is married and has a kid? Do more housework and child care. Do those two things and you will immediately become 1000x more attractive. If you showed interest in the things she cared about, that would be a bonus. Be a husband she can brag about. How is your body looking? Have you put on a bit of weight? You talk about her looks, but what about yours?