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Birth Date: 1984-11-21
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I can’t believe he’s talking to you in a baby voice that sounds beyond infuriating, you don’t need to be infantilized you need to be alone wtf he needs to get over himself
This should be the top comment. You are absolutely correct.
I get that you want to stop for her but saying “it’s a problem I want to overcome with her” makes me feel like you want her to put emotional labor into helping you quit and that is not her job. Do this for you and for your future relationships, do not ask her to go through this journey with you or find ways to help you through it, it’s out of her pay grade, she’s not a professional.
We do have a lot in common, we have become very close and the age gap is something he had mentioned, he asked me if I was uncomfortable with it (I’m not, it’s not something that gets to me I grew up in a household with my parents having a similar age gap)
I'd lean toward him being uncomfortable with you going because he wants to get her. And while it's her right to go, I'd be ready to end it if she did.
This has got to be a joke post, no way someone is this braindead to assume they have the moral highground, or even much of a right to be upset in this situation.
This is a definite trust issue on their part and they need to work through it and that’s by talking and asking questions to you not by snooping on your phone or anywhere else. I’ve been through this where I was cheated on and went through my partner’s phone and they ended up going through mine bc they thought well if she’s so insecure what is she hiding. We both completely misunderstood ridiculous things we found and it created an argument of misunderstandings. It’s never a good idea. If there is no cheating behavior there is always something confusing you find and then the only way to clear up the confusion is to ask about it and it just creates a cycle of mistrust, misunderstandings and a total loss of autonomy. I had one ex read all my hand written diaries from when I was 8 years old behind my back too, and they completely judged me unfairly so any respect was lost. I’ve learned to just stay out of the snooping game.
This is exactly it. I wish you weren’t right.
In that case, consultation with a sex therapist might be more useful as a first step. You should go together.
If it was loss of erection, that could very well be a medical problem, and would justify seeing a urologist.
You can use “I feel “ statements but a person that isn’t open to your thoughts and always feels attacked or criticized sounds exhausting to be around.
Yes and no. She seems to not really care if I slept with another man (or at least wouldn't really mind).. but she wouldn't let me sleep with a female friend (much like I wouldn't let her either)
I think for her it's about the worry of being “replaced”. If I did it with another girl I'd be able to “compare” the two or even chose her over my gf, if that makes sense. She doesn't care about guys because I'm into girls and couldn't really compare/replace her with a guy. (Granted this is how I understood her opinion.)
Similarly she thinks it would be okay because she's not sleeping with a dude and she eventually wants a husband and kids. Idk.
I would wake them up and tell them “Now Kate you can have him as you like and you Jake stop pretending like you don’t like her while you’re obviously okay to sleep in the same f’cking bed with her” and leave, probably never come back.
You're arguing different things, but what you're arguing makes no sense. Why would they split based on their income relative to each other, and not their income relative to their total?
They have total income, and they have total expenses.
They have individual income, and they need to determine individual expenses.
If they make 5 and 1, then together they make 6. Why would it be 4/5 and 1/5 and not 5/6 and 1/6?
If OP makes 5 times more than her BF, then proportionally she should be paying 5 times more than him, in order for the split to work. You're saying she should be paying 4 times more than him, for reasons you haven't explained and don't seem to understand yourself.
This guy is abusive
You do realize the deep emotional connection was because she was a child and you're an emotional immature/stunted adult, right?
You clicked well because she was a kid. And you're a guy who hasn't grown up. The connection wasn't real in a romantic, sustainable adult way.
Sounds like an anxious attachment style, and also a lot of emotional repression. I would recommend you encourage him to see a therapist. Aside from that, it’s a sign he loves and feels comfortable with you that he’s able to blow like that (not a lot of men can).