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He’s triggered by not being heard (it’s common for people with anxiety, depression, trauma and bpd) unfortunately his coping mechanism is frustration and then anger which makes it very stressful for you both to address when he feels unheard. It also makes it unsafe for you as anger that escalates can become emotionally or physically abusive, and withdrawing can become emotionally abusive. So I’d caution you about staying in this relationship, as what you describe is already unhealthy and nude to fix, even with therapy. And is likely to get worse.
But if you want to try, when you discuss things before you move onto talking about how you feel, make sure to validate him, summarize what he says and ask him if you’ve got it right, and only when he says yes that’s when you can share your perspective. Google six levels of validation in relationships shooting for level six, and how to validate when you disagree. That could help. But also if you validate him but he doesn’t validate you, that’s clearly then a uneven power imbalance and then you should leave. Validating someone who doesn’t reciprocate is just giving them more power to abuse and neglect you.
On what grounds is this very clearly fake? Some people are co-dependent like the girl while others are predators like the man. Anything is suspect live.
Yeah just look up hip flexor stretches on YouTube. I usually do a standing lung in my routine. I would also work in some flute stretches like a seated cross over flute pull stretch.
Also, if you’re gonna be riding the big fella the entire time, you might want to focus on positions that avoid using your glutes (bouncing up and down on your guy really burns the glutes). The glutes are the biggest muscles in your body, therefore they take the most energy to use. Focus on other positions where you’re spreading the work out to other parts of your body.
Good luck
Lol no it’s not. You are under no obligation to tell your partner about everyone you find nude. If anything it’s only going to make them insecure
this kind of stuff is so weird to me. i’d NEVER tolerate my boyfriend talking to an ex. or even being friends with One. she even lied about going to bed just to see him. please get some self respect and standards
I think just the fact that she is thinking about all of this and picturing it is part of what he wanted. This is why it’s nude to be friends with men as a woman a lot of times. Would he have done this to his buddy Dave or Todd?
Correct. She has a digital footprint she does not want you to find. My guess is there is questionable stuff she has done and is in the process of hiding her tracks first, before she reveals her surname to you.
Women have post partum depression and all that.
That's not an excuse.
My gut feel here is that the problem was likely how you asked, rather than what you asked.
He was feeling tired, unwell and low, tone and delivery may be what made him react poorly.
Couples' counseling is made for these types of situations.
And OP’s boyfriend was 12, like seriously? He was talking about music and dad made it about him.
You let it go.
As a dude, I’ve been rejected enough I don’t take it personally.
When I reject people, they’re not to my taste in some regard I value. Doesn’t hurt my feelings when people decide that about me.
Honestly it saves me time that might have been wasted otherwise. No biggie.
Look into support groups for caregivers and potentially counselling for yourself if you're in the financial position for it. These might help you if you have a place to discuss your feelings. Reddit isn't the place for it, you'll be met with judgement from people who simply cannot understand your situation.
Why are you sticking around for this? He sounds like a real buzz kill.
Have you gotten your hormones checked?
Except (source: Shirley Glass PhD “NOT 'Just Friends' “) I does. Her opening line:
“GOOD PEOPLE in good marriages are having affairs.”
Decades of research into infidelity, hundreds of couples counseled, and it is clear: people who never imagined themselves in an affair have one. It is less a product of planning to cheat and more of allowing lines to blur. It is an incremental process that allows people to slowly move from friendly into an emotional and/or physical affair.
Having an opposite sex person in an ongoing private area (or one filled with unknowing or uncaring onlookers) is a disaster waiting to happen. The conditions exist to develop an affair without the wayward spouse realizing the danger until long after the damage is done.
From page 3 of that book:
“After reviewing twenty-five studies, however, I concluded that 25 percent of wives and 44 percent of husbands have had extramarital intercourse. This is startling news indeed.”
This is the danger.
Lol. Read that wrong and typed out a whole thing. Thought you called her a coward not him. I think I agree with you. It's a pretty sus move to have your IMMEDIATE reaction when someone you claim to love tells you they think their life goals have changed to insult them in such an extremely personal deep cutting way and then run away from the situation in the process. Says a lot about OP. Especially since that's clearly a conversation you continue having to get real answers.
I do think it is quite courageous of the girlfriend to bring up her thoughts like that, and that they are changing. But she's not a hero for saying that. Everyone can have courage, doesn't make you a hero.
YTA and immature and limited in experiences.
In what subreddit do you think you are? Do I have to remind you of Rule 3?
The variety of vaginas is what makes them fascinating. It is misinformed idiots like you that have made labiaplasty so popular.
No doubt that different vaginas can be fascinating. But it's not my duty to have sex with people that have bodies that I don't find attractive.
The reason why labiaplasty is so popular is because of women who cannot accept that some people will find them attractive and other people won't. Nobody is forcing them to have those surgerys. They also won't risk unemployment or serious discrimination for not having those surgeries.
Next time you choose to reject someone for their looks (which is totally acceptable in my opinion), I invite you to think about people accusing you of being the reason for plastic surgery. Maybe then you see the flaw in your reasoning.
That awesome girl you broke up with dodged a bullet with you. Now she can be free to find a man that will appreciate her for her uniqueness and sexuality.
We have both truly made a favour to each other. And now, both of us (she and me) can find someone that we are much more compatible with.
I wouldn’t marry him. He’s clearly not over her
Honestly, you don’t even need the text in the post. The title alone is reason enough to end things. If you can’t see a future with someone you should end it and find someone that you can see a future with. 8 years is a long time but it wasn’t a waste of time. You learned and gained life experience.
Wait, so he thought he got, you saw he only got 1, looked to get a 2nd but couldn't and offered to come along and just hangout in the hotel and he said he already offered the hotel room because you couldn't get a ticket???? That sounds like a back and forth convo that would've lasted 30 minutes tops? How tf does he offer the room so quickly when the time span between you realizing you couldn't get a 2nd ticket and saying you'll come anyway would've been, possibly instant?????
They usually say that when they get caught, then when you want to check it regularly, that's when they get angry because you already checked her phone once, and it was fine. Why do you need to again? She's not cheating, and if you keep asking, it's because you don't trust her even though she did 100% make you look stupid.
Ik I'm late to this but I have few Indian female friends who are around that age the girl is and well they're considered “bad” “toxic” in their family because they stand up to their parents demand, unlike OP. They were told to get married by their parents, but they have dreams that they want to fulfill and allow their parents to let them focus on themselves. Some even want to leave India to find better opportunity. But in Desi culture, if you disobey your parents words, then you are looked upon as the “bad” person! OP could've said, I'm not ready to get married to someone I don't feel attracted to instead of brining up her attitude or could've went a little in depth as to what she really argue about because I see people bashing the girl for no reason.
IF HE IS NOT MAN ENOUGH TO KISS THAT WOMAN, HE DOES NOT DESERVE A BLOW JOB. PERIOD.
I had trauma from my father making me feel like i was never good enough … Among other things … But talking to my therapist i know dont feel this way as much. I wish i would have felt the way i do now. I might have made a difference in my marriage but its too late now. Its not too late for you.
I would suggest talking to your partner about your feelings and think about going to therapy.
He’s right, your family is crazy and I don’t blame him one bit.
You've been together for a month, no one can love anyone after just a month you don't know each other yet. From the lille you wrote here it's clear she is insecure as hell and way too clingy. But you do yiu and stay, she'll jsut get worse as tiem goes on. You're allowed to like other girls pictures or talk to girls etc. It's clear that she's not gonna be ok with you doing anybof these things. If she's never had a bf before at 26 I'm pretty sure I know why from just your post. She's way too needy which will drive any normal person away very quickly
“She hopes she doesn’t” is not only a hilarious stupid thing to say, it’s a huge red flag.
It’s like she’s pre-gaslighting you about her infidelity behaviors or establishing this “moral opinion” so that when (not if, when) she cheats she can blame it on your behavior as if you did something “different” that made her choose to cheat, going against what she had “hoped” for your relationship.
No one is nude enough to say stuff like this to anyone. I’d cut your losses and run now
Take it from me, you're young. Don't bother with this nonsense.
From experience there's a few things that can happen, possibly in combination or individually:
It continues escalating to sexting and attempts to physically cheat.
He asks for an open relationship. He gets all upset when he realizes he bagged a sweatheart who is now getting doted on by other men and he can't get one actual woman to want to even meet him.
Your sex life deteriorates because he got “death grip” and/or has conditioned himself into only finding the highly conventional attractive folks a turn on.
You have to live with this bullshit for years, fighting for him to find a therapist who understands addictions, and even when he is actually in recovery you will have to deal with some many slip ups, so many triggers into relapse, and so often will you feel like it's not worth it.
Lastly, you can't expect people to change for you. They have to want to change for themselves. Yes, the threat of breaking up may be a good light under his ass, or the more likely reality is he just gets sneakier.
PA isn't a joke. Fuck boys aren't worth a romantic relationship, not because they aren't worthy of love, but because they cannot reciprocate the love (respect) we give. He either needs real help, and/or he needs to make the conscience decision to say “this is how I am. I'm not going to do the work to change.” so you and his future romantic partners can make the informed decision to deal with this going forward instead of this wishy-washy bullshit.
Leave her alone. Stay single so you can play the field without hurting anyone. You’re a serial cheater.
Please explain how your girlfriend “is everything you ever wanted,” but you have to cheat. Clearly you want the other women more, or you’d be faithful.
You’ve done enough damage to the poor woman. She deserves happiness, not a man who breaks her heart, humiliates her, and exposes her to STDs.
You'd lose two lifelong friends over a small slight by their SO to your fiancee when they were put in a odd situation to say the least.
This black and white petty thinking is a good reason why younger people complain about being lonely. You alienate anyone who hurts your feelings a bit and can't work through anything. You deserve your self righteous solitude.
if you want to sleep with other people then you should let your boyfriend know.