When you get married, you’re also marrying your partner’s family…their family dysfunction comes part of yours and vice versa.
Look, I can understand your husband having boundaries about this. Your sister is a young woman with some mental health issues, and judging by his reaction either he’s had mental health issues himself and doesn’t want to fall back into old patterns of behavior by being around someone who does. OR, there’s some personal thing that’s triggering to him about how your sister behaves.
If your sister isn’t taking any accountability for her behavior, you can’t force her to. And you certainly can’t force your husband to either. No one in your family can. And it’s not your job or your husbands job to “fix her”.
When and if you can calm down to have a conversation with your husband, ask why he feels the way he feels about your sister. What specifically is the issue that bothers him. And be neutral about whatever that answer is. Because chances are it has nothing to do with either of you and everything to do with him. Try to understand his feelings. But don’t blame, chastise, argue your “point”, etc. It’s an open forum conversation where everybody should felt heard and respected.
For me? Yes. Parasites are worse than viral, bacterial, or fungal infections. They are grosser to me.
You're nitpicking because you don't like that she assigned a timeline but it's recovery + clearly needed extra time since he doesn't take this seriously and is going to recontaminate their home.
OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. Is there anyway you can stay with a friend or family, just for a little while, so that your BF will be made to deal with the cleanup, etc…? It may give him a different outlook. I’m a HUGE dog person and hope the dog isn’t in any discomfort. With a vet saying the dog is in perfect health, does the vet mean for its age? Can the dog wear a diaper? I have an older dog that wears a belly band because he will Pee in the house I occasionally and this has solved the issue but pooping is a whole other level! I’m sure you’ve tried everything.
You get into therapy, you read books about anxious attachment style, you work on a method to soothe your own emotions, and you take this lesson into your next relationship. Maybe after you heal that part of yourself you'll run into him again and have a second chance, but you've learned a valuable lesson.
That is fishy. Does your wife tell you when he text her? If he ask a question, does your wife relay it to you? If so, I'd say he text her and respond from your phone. This should get the message across. If you're completely left out, it's not a good sign.
Have you tried talking to them? It isn’t about the money but it’s messed up they’re not treating you equally. Id personally save up and get out of there, and if they ever ask why you never call/visit be honest.
Definitely got more hate than I was expecting but people on reddit tend to love attack men in general so im taking it in stride.
Yeah Ive tried telling her our baby would get more sleep if she had a separate bed because of the movements while sleeping. It seems she doesn’t actually care and thinks her way is best no matter what I think.
Im not sure if she’s become “too involved” but it’s definitely more than any other parent ive met. She actually refuses to let anyone else watch the baby (other than me occasionally) for any amount of time. She trusts noone. Not her parents, not my parents. Not a chance in hell with a babysitter. So no date nights ever.
I honestly dont think she would consider working ever again shes gone full mom and says she wants more but Im hesitant considering how little attention I get already.
I honestly think we communicate really well and efficiently, this is just a total disagreement where communication is not going to change anything. She is deeply rooted in her belief that what she is doing is right and my objections are frivolous to her.
Thanks for the kind words mate, appreciate your input.
LOL okay so then why are you here? Just stay in your weird relationship with someone over twice your age and deal with potentially becoming a parent at 19…just lmao
I was hesitant to commit because she was terrible financially. After her being so important to me I was willing to overlook that aspect. We had a talk and agreed that I was sort out finances and she would just live off a preset budget. Shortly after her job got slow and she didn’t have work. I asked her to go out less and spend less and she was unable to. This left me feeling unloved and lonely.
I have asked her what she needs to feel the spark again and she is unable to put into words what it is. I have tried suggesting weekly date night, compliment her often, and tried to schedule intimacy and alone time together to not much avail. I am hoping to see a therapist together and work on her issues but she feels like we have the roommate convo too many times already.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. He has told you in no uncertain terms he’s an immature douche and has no plans to change. He is telling you the truth. Believe him. Oh if I would’ve known this when I was 23 and was on the brink of possibilities at my fingertips. Trust me, you’ll only regret the minutes you try to keep him in your life.
Yeah this makes it worse. Enabling your addict sister at the expense of your marriage.
When will people understand and realize…
When you get married, you’re also marrying your partner’s family…their family dysfunction comes part of yours and vice versa.
Look, I can understand your husband having boundaries about this. Your sister is a young woman with some mental health issues, and judging by his reaction either he’s had mental health issues himself and doesn’t want to fall back into old patterns of behavior by being around someone who does. OR, there’s some personal thing that’s triggering to him about how your sister behaves.
If your sister isn’t taking any accountability for her behavior, you can’t force her to. And you certainly can’t force your husband to either. No one in your family can. And it’s not your job or your husbands job to “fix her”.
When and if you can calm down to have a conversation with your husband, ask why he feels the way he feels about your sister. What specifically is the issue that bothers him. And be neutral about whatever that answer is. Because chances are it has nothing to do with either of you and everything to do with him. Try to understand his feelings. But don’t blame, chastise, argue your “point”, etc. It’s an open forum conversation where everybody should felt heard and respected.
For me? Yes. Parasites are worse than viral, bacterial, or fungal infections. They are grosser to me.
You're nitpicking because you don't like that she assigned a timeline but it's recovery + clearly needed extra time since he doesn't take this seriously and is going to recontaminate their home.
OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. Is there anyway you can stay with a friend or family, just for a little while, so that your BF will be made to deal with the cleanup, etc…? It may give him a different outlook. I’m a HUGE dog person and hope the dog isn’t in any discomfort. With a vet saying the dog is in perfect health, does the vet mean for its age? Can the dog wear a diaper? I have an older dog that wears a belly band because he will Pee in the house I occasionally and this has solved the issue but pooping is a whole other level! I’m sure you’ve tried everything.
You get into therapy, you read books about anxious attachment style, you work on a method to soothe your own emotions, and you take this lesson into your next relationship. Maybe after you heal that part of yourself you'll run into him again and have a second chance, but you've learned a valuable lesson.
on the side? as in?
Just keep ignoring them.
That is fishy. Does your wife tell you when he text her? If he ask a question, does your wife relay it to you? If so, I'd say he text her and respond from your phone. This should get the message across. If you're completely left out, it's not a good sign.
I guess you shouldn't have cheated on her FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. You selfish jerk, you're thinking about YOURSELF again, not her.
Have you tried talking to them? It isn’t about the money but it’s messed up they’re not treating you equally. Id personally save up and get out of there, and if they ever ask why you never call/visit be honest.
Blackmail is a crime. Just tell the wife give the evidence and break up with your gf.
Definitely got more hate than I was expecting but people on reddit tend to love attack men in general so im taking it in stride.
Yeah Ive tried telling her our baby would get more sleep if she had a separate bed because of the movements while sleeping. It seems she doesn’t actually care and thinks her way is best no matter what I think.
Im not sure if she’s become “too involved” but it’s definitely more than any other parent ive met. She actually refuses to let anyone else watch the baby (other than me occasionally) for any amount of time. She trusts noone. Not her parents, not my parents. Not a chance in hell with a babysitter. So no date nights ever.
I honestly dont think she would consider working ever again shes gone full mom and says she wants more but Im hesitant considering how little attention I get already.
I honestly think we communicate really well and efficiently, this is just a total disagreement where communication is not going to change anything. She is deeply rooted in her belief that what she is doing is right and my objections are frivolous to her.
Thanks for the kind words mate, appreciate your input.
“Even worse, you attempted it and didn’t even have enough game for follow through”
what do I say to him? i can't just stay mad right?
What do you need advice on?
My bf gets hives and takes Xanax for them. It happens when he’s nervous and then becomes more nervous knowing people see them. He’s an anxious person.
LOL okay so then why are you here? Just stay in your weird relationship with someone over twice your age and deal with potentially becoming a parent at 19…just lmao
I was hesitant to commit because she was terrible financially. After her being so important to me I was willing to overlook that aspect. We had a talk and agreed that I was sort out finances and she would just live off a preset budget. Shortly after her job got slow and she didn’t have work. I asked her to go out less and spend less and she was unable to. This left me feeling unloved and lonely.
I have asked her what she needs to feel the spark again and she is unable to put into words what it is. I have tried suggesting weekly date night, compliment her often, and tried to schedule intimacy and alone time together to not much avail. I am hoping to see a therapist together and work on her issues but she feels like we have the roommate convo too many times already.
Do kagle exercises. My wife does. Sooo tight
When people tell you who they are, believe them. He has told you in no uncertain terms he’s an immature douche and has no plans to change. He is telling you the truth. Believe him. Oh if I would’ve known this when I was 23 and was on the brink of possibilities at my fingertips. Trust me, you’ll only regret the minutes you try to keep him in your life.
This is so weird. Wow. Are you sure you are happily married?
“Babe, I really need you to get the hair thing sorted and start washing up better because your body odor is distracting.”