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He always swore he was not like those guys who would ever cheat or look around.
That's simply a classic behavior to try to somehow 'convince' you that they aren't capable of being the thing. 'He couldn't -possibly- be doing that, he always said cheaters suck!'.
Up to you if you want to proceed, but he's been lying to you from the beginning.
She wants a provider while you want a business partnership.
Yes, you should be clear about your intentions.
The first red flag is the 12 years age gap. Leave girl.
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why are you dating her? (good answers only)
It’s not good that she waited two weeks to tell you. The decision of when to have children needs to be mutual for a whole host of good reasons. You should sit down and talk about this sooner rather than later.
I agree with this. I've had to tell my husband I need at least one of my love languages met if he wants physical touch all the time. What's to make me want to touch him if he won't even spend time with me, compliment me, etc.?
My husband is 41 and we have a 2 month old! I don’t think it’s odd to have children in your late 30s and early 40s. OP is making excuses to justify his choice. It’s his right to not want more children but shouldn’t shame older parents. We have a 10 year old too, lol, and I honestly think we are more ready now to have a baby then we were in our late 20s and early 30s!
I also don't use discord. I still have Skype, but I don't think people use that anymore? No clue. If you know about a Skype thing, I would love to hear about it. I really, really hate discord, it's such a horrible program. Would rather look into Facebook than install this crap again, to be honest.
We've been dating for a little over 6 months now. I did talk to her, and she said she's really sorry, but I don't know if that means anything would be different ?
it happened when we were briefly separated
OP and her husband weren't together when the incident he describes as consensual occurred.
He’s blaming you for getting slapped. It’s only going to get worse from here. Even if he acted sorry, he’s made it clear he will hit you if you “deserve it”. As you know, we don’t get to just hit people because they “deserve” it. You yourself were justifying it by saying how difficult you can be. That’s just not how it works in healthy relationships.
He said he wants to move in eventually, maybe next year
To the dumpster where you clearly crawled out of?
Toys maybe? Its less about being shallow and more about deciding whats important. Its VERY common for medical or mental health issues to completely ruin sex in a relationship. You honestly need to decide in advance what you will do in the long run for that as well. If you feel you would leave, or stay regardless, that tells you your priority.
If you are not comfortable with it, then don't it, especially the part about other men that can't be good. For the other stuff, who should be degraded?
Ok don’t make assumptions everything that I’m asking for are things that I can provide and won’t ask for things I myself cannot give. I literally said that at the end of everything.
You can’t comprehend how much both of you will change and grow every single year of college. But you’re going to restrict yourself if you’re still dating the guy from high school. It doesn’t matter who he is, he’s the person you were with as a young teen. Give yourself the opportunity to grow into the person you’re meant to become.
I don’t think it was okay. That’s why I’m asking how I should tell her about what I’ve done.
Good perspective. Honestly feel better about the whole situation just talking to y’all on Reddit and putting it into words. Thank you kind people
Throw away account? Not positive I can actually message you through it. It's supposed to be private. Sorry. This is all I'm willing to convey through an internet full of horrible(and some awesome) people and some who may recognize my story.
You are her side piece. She's still not telling the full story. She hasn't had you over at “her house” because she lives with him, heck, it's probably his place that she moved into when she dumped you.
You need to stay as far away from her as possible. This isn't healthy or safe for any of you.
damn i didn't even realize. this makes me so scared for them.
Honestly i was just kinda bullshittin with the dangerously beautiful part because he had said it like that to me. Its mostly when men are attracted to me physically but cant handle the actual person i am…And you're completely right about that 1st part, but i also feel like i have invested in this too, and for some reason he acts maturely enough to apologize but always ends up bringing it up. For example, yesterday night he brought up how he feels like when he compliments me “i dont react in the way he wants” and i asked how should i react, after letting him know that i always get compliments and that him telling me “im beautiful” every 5 secs defeats the purpose opposed to phrasing it in something i would react to in a sense. And he just said “well im being treated like any other guy (brought up the tiktok fans again) and i maturely told him that if that was an issue still? (Even having deactivated my socials for him) and told him that he was gaslighting me in a sense at this point for not getting what he wants.
You can do whatever the fuck you want because you're happy and you deserve that happiness. Don't struggle just for them
If neither of you live! in the US, I could give him the benefit of doubt and think maybe he's just misinformed
You absolutely shouldn't, but some do. I am however of the belief that once a person has cheated there is a very high chance they will do it again.