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Alice, 19 y.o.
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Quit paying, I bet your problem gets solved.
I imagine she would leave. With the lack of sex and her not paying for anything, don't be surpised if you find out she is married. You might be her emotional playtoy and she has another whole life.
If nothing else, sit her down and ask her about all of this. It sounds like you don't communicate with her well if you are first asking here.
My husband is absolutely not abusive. We have been together for 18 years and this is a non-issue.
When I (at the time 27F) moved back to my home city I moved in with my dad (60sM) for a couple of years. He started dating a woman who was 6 months (!!) older than me, who was a riotous alcoholic.
Despite this woman drunkenly trying it on with me when my dad wasn’t home, turning up at all hours to scream at him through the door, and criminally damaging my car, he kept bringing her in to the home I shared with him.
He refused to see why any of this was problematic. He said he was trying to help her past her issues.
They split up eventually thank god.
You're not happy. You're not even remotely close to content in this relqtionship.
So, who cares what his thoughts are.
(You're convenient. He'd need to put a lot of work into finding a new gf AND convincing her to let him move on with her. It's wayyy easier to randomly show some interest when you press him.)
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4/50 not bad
Idk what to tell you. I don't understand why you even needed to be making friends with younger women at work, giving them your personal number, texting and such when you have a whole gf? Things were bound to get weird IMO. Good luck.
Lol! Who the fuck misunderstood “getting closer” to “kiss me even though I am married”. You’re grasping at straws. You’re excusing for her sake so you can continue your friendship. No one will believe that bullshit.
I had found out he was paying for of in the past. I’m pretty sure he’s since stopped. It’s just hot for me because this is literally the only issue we have. We get along 95% of the time. It’s just our sex life. Thank you for your advice ?
Just because he has a kink doesn't mean all sex has to indulge his kink.
Why are you coming to us for?
We can't patch your reletionship up for you. If you want to fix things for your mistakes, you need to be the one to come up with the solutions. That is how you properly resolve these things.
Put your big boy pants on and sort this out on your own.
That is the healthiest advice I can offer you (ironically).
She prob doesn’t have the confidence to go to a gym right now. Maybe start by asking her to go on walks with you? Or find local hiking spots? You could get a Wii and play some of the active games or dance games? It’s hot to get started, put once she gets active she will feel so much better and hopefully get back into healthy habits.
Easy yes, dump his ass.
This phrasing alone is the gigantic red flag you are proudly waving around.
No story is actually that long, no reason to tell someone “I have a secret but I won't tell you” is a valid reason.
Seems like you wanted attention. You got it.
What next?
Every single person farts in their sleep. You are no different. I feel as if you should approach it by going getting an education and learn about the human body and its functions.
I don't think I could continue either. I'd keep feeling like he asked because he already had someone in mind, and I'd always have it in the back of my mind that I'll never be enough.
You're right to feel incredibly hurt by this. Do know that you don't need to make any decisions today, but often your gut reaction is the right one. Best.
Abusers always find opportunities to be nice. No one would stay with them if they didn’t throw in the occasional lovebombing. M
This guy is emotionally abusing you, and when you bring up valid concerns, he tries to validate his behavior by suggesting that, because he didn’t physically lay hands on you, it’s acceptable? No. Abuse is abuse, whether it’s physical or emotional. I would get out of this relationship now, because his leap to “you’re acting like I hit you” makes me think it’s a thought in the back of his mind and wouldn’t surprise me if at some point he did.
You didn’t do anything wrong here, by the way. You’re 22, and the reality of 22 is that there is a lack of experience. He chose someone younger because he knows that someone who is old enough to have been through the experience of a toxic relationship would never accept this behavior because they would recognize it as toxic. Now you’ve seen it, so make the choice to get out of it, and in the future you’ll know what some of these red flags are so you can avoid similar patterns. It sounds to me like your family would be more than willing to help you get out of this. So tell them you need help leaving, and do it.
Glimpses of niceness do not mean someone is a good partner. There are plenty of men out there who are nice all of the time and who, when they are mad, know how to communicate and deal with conflict appropriately.
Well, you guys need to make time for each other. Things outside of the ordinary day-to-day responsibilities of life. Go to concerts/shows, go mini-golfing, pickup an outdoor hobby together like hiking, etc.
He’s sounds like a miserable human being. Follow your joy and dump his ass. He’s not good for you.
Argh that adds a layer of difficulty. But I think you said his Mom doesn’t approve of him?
Because he either got over why he was mad, or forgot why he got mad in the first place. And since you’ve been so persistent and forward, he probably figured another night together wouldn’t be so bad.
we have been friends for 2'5 years and we have been dating for two months
That is exactly what’s happening. My cousin’s husband started in the middle of the wedding reception.
Run now and see if you can get an annulment. If you have family out of state, this period before the baby is born is a golden opportunity to establish residency for the baby somewhere bloody inconvenient for your abuser to try to get custody.
This makes no sense.
Support your parents over her? She's our wife. What is the issue?
She told me she considered me one of her closest friends too
Oh Judas.
Yeah, we ain't Jesus, not gonna play at keeping snakes in our lives.
I'd say to her that “No thanks, I don't want to meet with you for coffee because of what you did.”
Then again, she may have evidence that your husband was flirting with her and giving her all the green flags to pursue him too for an affair…we never know.
PS. Your husband sounds so suss.
If she's never really liked being touch, and you really like being touched/ sexual, this largely sounds like an unreconcilable core value issue.
There's no shame in splitting a relationship if you value physical intimacy, and nor is there any that she doesn't.
Sex is important.
My fellow human, you have a roommate, not a girlfriend. sigh you can try to stick it out until the end of her quarter if you want. I mean. It’s been 5 years. What’s another couple of months? But, really, you’re doing yourself a disservice by continuing to endure this non relationship.
You should talk to a counselor to get through this. You sound so beaten down. hug