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I am not asking him to stop loving the cat. I personnally adore her. But something feels wrong when I think that he doesn't know how to show affection but then I notice that he actually does just not towards me…
wdym she said he asked if she enjoyed herself and did she have sex in the first place. Does that not mean he's interested in her sexual happiness?
I would suggest sitting down with her and asking her to explain why she wants a second baby.Then you explain you position Hopefully you should be able to find a compromise like adopting a second child
From another comment he made it sounds like he was always okay with having two children with her but has now changed his mind. He’s just saying that he never wrote it in stone to cover his ass.
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I’m sorry, I’m really confused. In comments,OP states the context of the divorce comment was in a conversation that went something like:
OP- “I can’t stay with someone who does x”.
Therapist- “ah. Husband is in therapy for x. I can help you work through it or help you amicably end things”.
OP brought up the issue without any other info, therapist used her knowledge to state my services involve x and y, and OP and husband said “we want x”.
Can you please clarify what was unprofessional about that? It is information therapist would need to know, especially since the whole point of having OP on the call was the therapist trying to understand what was going down with x (or at least that’s how I read it). If something’s not adding up, a wife halfway out the door would be very very relevant.
Well no can do because she is crazy enough to come to my house
The only thing that I can't understand is why you're in a relationship at all. If you can't trust her after 2 years, when will you? Did you think that physical intimacy was going to be permanently off the table? What is your endgame with this relationship?
This is about as plausible as me secretly being Batman
Probably best you don’t marry this woman. I wouldn’t deal with that kind of thing, sounds petty and childish from what you’ve said.
Insane precedents that the UK has, check my other comment for the example I used.
There's also the example of the PENSIONER who got found guilty of assault for using his walking stick to attack someone who broke into his bungalow in Cornwall
No, it’s not you. It happens to every single guy, at least once in his life. It could be literally anything. It’s likely just performance anxiety, especially since it was his first time since his divorce. That’s not an excuse he’s giving you, it’s genuinely true. He could just be watching too much porn. Could even be whiskey dick, or a combination of all of the above.
What’s important is that you don’t make a big deal of it. Just brush it off like everything’s normal, and get back to foreplay. The bigger of a deal you make out of it, the more likely it’s gonna happen.
You need to stop going. If you don’t put your foot down this will never stop. It’s only happening because you are allowing it. Stop pretending you care before if you did you would have nipped this in the bud a long time ago.
Met someone else.
NTA it seems so weird that he’s insisting you go. You’ve offered a more than reasonable compromise to allow his children to be there. The fact that he’s so resistant to this makes it seem as though it was less about his children and more about you being there. Perhaps to rub it in your face?
Stick to your guns on this one. Make it clear that you’re more than happy for the kids to attend and that you have the trusted baby sitter lined up to facilitate it. Be clear that you won’t be attending, as you’re not comfortable with it, but have made the baby sitter arrangements so that his children can be in attendance
Do this all via text or email so that if anyone says you tried to keep his children from him, it’s clear it was his choice
from what she's told me, lackluster sex life.
It doesn't matter in the least, but don't take pride in this. What is she going to say? The sex was AMAZING, MINDBLOWING, and LIVECHANGING! It's your standard 'make your bf feel better' comment.
Back on track, yeah it would make me feel uncomfortable personally. I too wouldn't 'order' her to stop.. but I would definitely ask for her to say 'stop texting' or simply block. She's also not obligated to text back.
Now, you can contact a attorney if you have the funds about the false CPS reports. Not only is it a crime, but a suable crime. If it's a normal occurrence, I would.
End of the day though, she can't be held hostage by the fear. If he's of mind, he could contact the CPS on her if he stubs his toe, theoretically. She's being manipulated and controlled – even in her next relationship. Talk with her, tell her she should cut all ties. If he calls, he calls.. he will probably call anyways once married. You can deal with CPS if they come, and legal ramifications for the X as well.
A lot of people only have drinking as their vice but if they were getting drunk all day and not taking care of their responsibilities and blowing you off to go drink you wouldn't give them the same leeway. Addiction is addiction.
I trust my gf I am not insecure I just see it as a boundary I want respected
In the middle of the original post. Easy to miss with the formatting
A woman with a high sex drive is now demonic?
Explain what your question has to do with what I responded to here, because I don’t get what you mean. It’s a valid question to ask how her husband found out the details of where her friend was. Her friend is not his partner here, she is.
Yeah, no kidding. Also OP has only selectively answered a few comments, mostly the ones that sympathize with him and have vile things to say about the girlfriend. My vote is for a young misogynist looking for an echo chamber.
Yeah, she's clearly dating him for his money, and her for her youth. If he's not willing to pay up, then she has no reason to stay. 24-year-olds aren't just fucking old men for fun.
When you say you wanted her to help guide you, my guess is you wanted her to tell you what to do but that isn’t what a therapist or psychologist will do, they will not tell you what to do, they will try to help you become independent and able to make these decisions on your own, but as I said I’m assuming you just wanted them to tell you what to do
No my friend is having his first kid soon with someone he’s been with for 5+ years.
Lots to unpack here, but the main points are these:
Normally you shouldn’t be immediately upset just because he checked in on a coworker who happens to be female. That jealousy stuff isn’t good in general. Even if she’s promiscuous that’s her business unless she was going for him. She can bang the whole company and unless he’s part of it it’s no one’s business but hers.
HOWEVER, that “Always” text is an enormous problem. Fuck his embarrassment. That was way way WAY out of line, and he knows it. You had every right to get upset and you didn’t embarrass yourself by letting him know that that shit won’t fly.
Normally I would be absolutely against someone asking their significant other if they can look through their phone, but he had already fucked up royally so in this instance i think you have every right to request it in order to reassure yourself that he wasn’t just doing this with everyone. The fact that he decided to leave instead means that he EITHER had something he didn’t want you to see OR he’s such a childish asshole that he doesn’t see how incredibly out of bounds he was in the first place and wasn’t actually sorry about his behavior in the first place.
The fact that he tried to guilt-trip you on the way home about you “embarrassing him” says volumes. He was more concerned about how he looked to randos than if he was a good person who was doing the right thing in his relationship. That’s pathetic.
You spend several lines in your post downplaying yourself, saying you acted “psycho” and such. No. That’s a lazy word people throw around to dismiss real concerns in relationships. You were pissed, and legitimately so. He fucked up, period. You need to stop apologizing to him for wanting better from a grown man. He’s 32 years old for fuck’s sake.
Curb your drinking. You should stop getting that drunk, just in general. And don’t reward garbage behavior with morning sex.
As for this your core question of staying strong and accepting it’s over, exactly what is the big draw about a guy that dates you and makes sure some random chick knows he’s got a naked on at all times? Or one that cares more about people seeing you fight than the huge breach of your relationship he took part in? I think you know that you are too young to need to beg for that kind of poison in your life. You have plenty of time to find a superior selection from the 4 billion other men on the planet, and I am sure some local ones would not be a 100th as lame as that guy is.
Was probably a shock to her system to see her partner jerking off to someone else…
Thankkyou for the well thought out response. I agree 1000% and would tell any of my friends to just go and if he can't be with you because you go see your parents for 2 weeks then that's on him. He probably is trying to isolate me. He gets mad that I won't move in with him and he has already made me delete all of my social media.
If she has an IPhone you can go to the top left corner of messages where it says “Edit” and it will show recently deleted text messages. If she hasn’t already deleted them from there you might wanna check.
It's just straight up red pill “negging”. He wants you to think you made a mistake by disagreeing with him, and that you have to agree if you want a pleasant experience.
I really don't think you're doing anything wrong… at all. You aren't going out of your way to garner inappropriate interaction; how others react to you, especially when unsolicited, is not your fault regardless of whatever clothing you're wearing. People being nice to you, or even giving you well-deserved praise, is absolutely not the same as flirting. This isn't a case of your boyfriend not trusting you; this is actually just him being incredibly insecure. Even if he says he doesn't intend on controlling what you do, making these repeated comments -where the suggestion in them is to change your actions to make him feel more comfortable- is his attempt at trying to coerce you into acting in a manner that makes him feel more comfortable. The fact that he doesn't even feel okay with you having the freedom to go out without him? Huge red flag, OP. This is not to say your relationship isn't fixable, but you need to be firmer on setting healthy boundaries with him. How you choose to decorate yourself is up to you, not him. You don't need to “make him trust you more” by changing yourself; you've already reassured him enough. If he keeps whining about these innocent things for no good reason, but still isn't “clear” on what he wants from you because he “doesn't want to seem controlling”… yet he STILL continues to try and coerce you by belittling your choices into doing what he wants… he probably does know what he wants. He just knows it crosses a line at that point, and doesn't want to admit that that's what would make it better to him. Don't change yourself for him; you aren't doing anything even remotely suggestive or upsetting. If he seriously cannot cope with that, that is absolutely not on you, and it's not up to you to fix. He needs therapy and to actually start respecting your autonomy.