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Let me tell you the story of my mother and my half sister, who are seven years apart in age. My father was 12 years older than my mother and had been married twice previously.
My half sister was 15 when my dad decided marrying my mother who was 22 was a stellar idea.
Oh it was fine at first. While my parents were dating, my half sister enjoyed hanging out with my mom. My mom was the buck wild sort of type, while my dad, well…straight laced as all get out but buck wild behind closed doors.
But when they married, oh boy.
The first five years of their marriage, my half sister constantly fought with my mom. Constantly. Mom went from being “fun cool adult friend” to well, her parent and guardian. It got so bad that my mom essentially “chased” my half sister out of the house, because it was WW3 up in the house. She was 17 or 18 when she headed off to college.
One night, while my dad was out of town (because this man lived and breathed his job), my mom received a phone call from my half sister. Her bf had beaten the absolute shit out of her and she couldn’t get a hold of her bio mom, so she called hoping dad could help. Needless to say, my mom told her to get on a greyhound bus and come home. Sent her some money. And she started attending a school close to their house.
It took years for them to settle their beef. Hell, even after my dad died, my half sister still made the occasional snarky comment about my mom’s “personality”. Hey, I get it, my mom didn’t exactly win mother of the year with her own kids either. Still though, my half sister remembers the night she called and expected my mom to tell her to fuck off. And mom ended up dropping everything to make sure she was okay anyway, even though my mom wasn’t too thrilled about their relationship.
Look, you’re not gonna win mother of the year to the older one. There’s always gonna be tension surrounding your close proximity to her age.
You can hate it. It can hurt your feelings. But someday, like my half sister, she may need you. And you can either be a raging asshole about it and take your “revenge”, or, you can be an adult and realize it’s just words.
Sticks and stones, dude. Sticks and stones.
hahah
Ask her to keep it professional. She doesn't know
Look at his comments on his profile.
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Thanks so much for your response and advice I really appreciate it a bunch and it means a ton to me I’ll definitely figure this out because I just don’t want anyone harming my girlfriend
But what am I supposed to do really? Say fuck off to dad and my younger brothers over an affair that doesn't involve me
…. it involved the entire family… it changed everything… and you should honestly pick your dad because your empathy level will have you resent your mom if you choose her.
Lol
Yes, leave. And don't let him try to convince you that he can change – he had his chance.
What are these issues he's holding on to?
You'd probably benefit from individual counseling.
You’re young and it’s fine to enjoy the conquest. Just know that you need to learn who you are and what you actually want. You should be considerate to people’s feelings though and try and avoid causing others pain just to feel your thrills. If you know you’re not ready to be in a relationship/this might happen, then be up front about it with whoever you’re interested in. It might make it more difficult, but the honesty will help keep people from being hurt. Relationships are two way streets and you want respect coming from both sides. I’m sure you would feel devastated if someone did the same thing to you. Self awareness will come with time, but if you actively work on it you may find a fulfilling relationship instead of a cheap thrill at someone else’s expense.
1 yes i know now 😀 thanks.
yeah but it was a shady one.I wouldn't have turned mcdolands down but this one wasn't really real so :/ what am i supposed to do.
I know..but i thought she might help me through it and instead she went the polar opposite way :/ which made me feel even worse knowing the 1 person i trust isn't there for me :/
damn..well..sucks..wish all this wouldn't have happend and im back 3 years ago to make things right.
Gotcha, so seems like she's trying to spend time with you… I would have a serious talk with her about how much this is stressing you out and affecting your health. If it were my mom, I'd try to figure out a compromise so that I can still see her regularly and do activities together, but I'm not sure how your relationship is.
Defend yourself from a guy standing there?
Dude said he saw a guy in his living room, grabbed him, threw him around, and beat him bloody.
What exactly was he defending himself from? Possibilities?
Yes I shouldn't have said anything to him at all. That's true. But then again am I being selfish for expecting him to do better by me? I don't know,I get that I'm seeming like I'm taking a high moral ground here but somehow it seems much worse him telling that to a stranger basically than me telling him. Kinda feel like we should have more trust between eachother if you know what I mean. Also appreciate you replying,any comment on the matter is more than welcome!
It’s in the comments. She told him it was too early.
I’ll try that
He feels ashamed himself. He probably feels as though he has betrayed his faith in some way.
He’s projection this onto you instead of taking accountability for his own actions, desires, “sins”, etc.
Source: Grew up Catholic. Left faith.
This wasn‘t a hyperbole but a comparison, wise guy. Plus you got downvoted and it has a reason.
if you are putting money into an account you cannot access, then that confirms my suspicion of financial abuse. This is not a safe or healthy situation, OP. You have absolutely 100% right to spend every dollar you earn, in the way you see fit.
There's no we her. You decided that your daughter would support your family without her input and consistently shut her down on every completely valid complaint. You're just entitled.
You really told her to sell her hobby car to chauffeur your sister. That's insane. Jesus Christ man, no wonder she dipped.
What sacrifices are YOU making? I have yet to read one thing YOU have done for your sister. You really have a lot of nerve and not much else. You expect to leech off your daughter while she sleeps on the couch. I would not be surprised if you and your sister planned to pull one over on your daughter.
I'm going to parrot the other comments and say leave him. However, you don't have to do it right now. Given your current limitations, you should start making an exit plan. Squirrel away money however you can. Look into social services available in your state or country. I know that my state offers assistance to pay for child care for low income families. You may also be eligible for food vouchers or other benefits. Once you secure a job, keep your money separate from your fiancé's money. You might be able to pass off food assistance as what your paycheck is providing.
I also recommend gathering evidence against him in case he goes for custody. Given his laziness and disinterest, I doubt he would but he might try so he doesn't have to pay child support or just to hurt you. Record times he refused to care for the kids or himself. Every time he tells your son he is too old to play with him or refuses to feed the baby: note it. Every time he complains he can't do anything for the baby, tell him something he can do, if he still doesn't do it: note it. He spends 10 hours playing a game and ignores your son trying to get his attention: note it. It would be best if you could keep the record digitally, ideally password protected. That way it is harder to destroy and easier to hide from him.
If he starts withholding funds because you are not giving him access, I would consider that the time to break up. He's barely providing now. He will be totally useless then. Honestly, once you have enough to get you and your kids into a new place and your job is stable, I'd leave.
Because its easier to wake up at 8 am insted of 6 am, Because i want to maybe watch a movie, maybe play a game with someone, maybe go out in the evening and not be worried when i need to be home in order to get enough sleep, Last night i went to a collegues home to help him fix his PC so i stayed up late for example. I have a small PC repair shop in my appartment, some time ill stail awake late at night trying to troubleshoot and fix a problem a customer is having. It's literally easier. Best of all of this is my girlfriend her self isn't crazy enough to wake up this early for no reason. Even she said it. not like id expect to be awake when i go to work if i was the one working. I wouldn't be mad at her if she wanted to get more sleep and i would tell her how to set her sleep schedule.
We have a lot of online mutual friends too
Respectfully, with love- come the fuck on, girl. Do not stay in a toxic mess for this. Don't drag this out for on-line mutuals, please, you're better than this. He is the drama.
The ring is a symbol of your love and commitment to her.
It's not standard jewelry. When she looks at the ring, she should see a gift from someone that is ready to spend his days with her. Instead she sees metal and stones that she can show off to others. As long as the ring fits comfortably, she shouldn't have issues. She approved of it originally.
Red flag. Personally I wouldn't buy another ring. She seems a bit spoiled and materialistic in my opinion. I would even be tempted to call off the engagement if she expects you to change rings everytime she changes her mind, seeing that she chose the ring in the first place.
Beware, this might be a sign of how life will be as a married couple. Do you really want to cater to her mood at the moment after putting all your time, money, and effort into something? It sounds like you struggled to buy the ring in the first place.