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Like someone says below – 'give yourself permission'. You say he's all of these good things, but then this…this is a massive red flag. Give yourself permission to know that what you're reading from people isn't just random. If you wait this out, you will feel trapped, I guarantee. You will feel the 'sunk cost fallacy' of 'oh we already have pets together…” etc and you can fall into the trap of feeling like you 'might as well wait this part out'. Like I mentioned to someone that used these things in a previous reply, love isn't magic. It can feel 'magical'…but it's not magic. Commitment, empathy, trust, respect, teamwork, and compromise are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship and love that 'feels' like magic. It's a place where you feel that you can both give 100% (not 50/50, and it doesn't even sound like he's giving 50), and a place where you can bring those concerns to each other without feeling dismissed. Your partner will never ever be perfect, but there have to be lines in the sand, and I think the more you think about it, this is one of them.
Once a year on ur birthday
Ok, on the real, sprinkles are the worse. Nothing ruins frosting, or ice cream better than sprinkles.
Red flag.
Why are you still with him? He sounds useless and insufferable
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I did this once. Boston to LA, one way trip, showed up unannounced. I just typed it all out and then changed my mind about spilling all that, but the TL;DR is that all the time I spent missing him had me idealizing shit, warping memories, and I got wrapped up in this fantasy romcom type nonsense where I thought showing up on his doorstep would be the beginning of the life we missed out on living. Even the sec wasn’t as good as I remembered. Spent the night, woke up and left the next morning, never went back and never spoke again. It was a very expensive mistake, and probably left him thinking I’d done all that just to be able to reject him. We all idealize the fuck out of our first loves, and I was sick over him for years. I thought I’d never care about anyone again. He’s married to a fairly pretty girl now, with three kids, and I’m engaged to my man of 13 years and father of my kid. I’ll always have this weird bittersweet love-adjacent feeling toward him, but mostly I just missed the friend that he was before all that.
Don’t buy the plane ticket. Keep your memories, analyze your missteps, and use them to build your character into that of a person you’d want to die for… but let her go, if you really love her. The person who told me my ex was getting married expected it to hurt me… I expected it to hurt me too, even though I was already with my fiancé and a new mother. But when I saw his wedding photos and saw him playing with his kid and step kids, being this grown ass adult living the life of his dreams, it made me happy to know that he found what he was looking for, even though it wasn’t me. He deserved that.
Let her have what she deserves now.
Troll
Often when people feel like a parent and not a partner, it’s because they give help way more than they receive help. So this can be salvaged, but you need to set boundaries AND be vulnerable. Boundaries that let him (and you) know you are there to support him in exploring and problem solving, not there to do the problem solving for him. AND vulnerability, to ask him to help you, so that if you do help him, you get help in return so you feel like a partner, not a parent.
I’ve always been of the mind that whoever brings out an ultimatum, better sure as he’ll be ready to get an answer they don’t like.
Get confident dude! Get a haircut, workout, focus on your hygiene, do things for yourself to make yourself feel attractive. That is the key to boost your self confidence and then you will have all the charisma in the world.
Dude you were 18 with no experience.
Don't work. It is now like “to catch a unicorn”, impossible and when things come toto heat up, you must almost don't breathe to not scare it away…
I don’t know.. i mean, she’s going to work in another country for 6 months soon so I won’t be seeing her face 2 face but we’ll probably chat or call. Do you think that would be enough distance between us? Or is radio silence a must
« Hello stranger I am transgender teehee hopefully you’re not transphobic enough to hatecrime me ?? »
Women can abort the child but fathers can’t sign their rights away and can be put in jail for not paying child support.
How is that fair?
Women get to make all the decisions and the dad has no say whatsoever.
Yes I am thinking of doing this. I don't want him to lose his job but it also can't just fly without at least being mentioned that this happened even if accidental.
You gotta post the picture, dude.
I’ve been married twice. I just wanted for a relationship to not fail. You have a point. I’m shaking, can’t eat and have lost ten pounds in a week so this can’t continue.
I don’t refuse to leave I just quite literally can’t. I have no one to turn to, I don’t even have a car in my name. The issue is all the hunting dogs around here get treated the same IF not worse. We have 20 hunting dogs around us ( we live! in the country) they’re all chained up outside and are subject to the same type of men who think they’re just working dogs so can be replaced and beat. I know that if I put copper in a shelter he’ll most likely be out right back in the same situation but different people. ? But I also don’t have enough time to find a suitable home for him without my bf knowing. I can’t take him with me if I even CAN leave.
You clearly never grew up near an army base or know people in this situation. It's not victim blaming. Women are attracted to the job and unfortunately there's a higher than average percentage of abuse by men who take these jobs. It's facts my guy. They're not always convenient.
Yall can be really invalidating when it comes to people being upset with stuff that does matter and WOULD rub the average person the wrong way.
sheesh to tell OP that 4 years and 10 months are a drastic difference, most people can feel more love in those 10 months than they did in 4 years. and that he’s looking for a problem then that this reaction doesn’t mean anything. Anytime hurt feelings are involved, it matters OP. She’s your partner. Jesus Christ.
Really have a conversation with her, communication is key in relationships. You said you feel sad and it’s distorting your future with her, have that hot conversation and resolve. Best of luck!
So you have 24m and are asking Reddit for relationship advice? Lmao, ok.
As far as taking them up on their offer, don’t. I predict this does not become an actual throuple; rather the cheating couple being mostly interested in each other, and occasionally throwing you a bone for plausible deniability. If a throuple was truly what your wife wanted, she had years to attempt to implement it ethically and honestly. Instead she spent years telling you that no, she’s not like that, to misdirect you from the affair and to discourage you having your own side piece the whole time she’s been splitting her attention.
They just want retroactive permission, and frankly the longer you even pretend to assent to it, the worse it will go with you.
I just don't know how to work this out…
I don’t know how to fix her or your relationship but I do know how to fix you debt and peace of mind. Get rid of that girl who is damaging both.
Ok let's put aside he wants to open the relationship and you don't for a moment. This guy is an insecure, controlling , manipulative asshole. Just for this alone you need to leave him. Ok back to forcing you letting him sleep with anyone he wants whilst you CAN , but can't , or can only do it with people he vets first and I'm sure the goal posts will change multiple times. Meanwhile he'll be off banging whatever he likes, likely already is / has because he won't open his phone.
Sista…..you need to leave this absolute excuse for a man. And trust me , I'm a man.
I wish you all the best
Nah. Either this lady doesn’t understand that he has a girlfriend now and she isn’t the main bitch. Or he’s flirting with her behind your back.
HR immediately. This is beyond cruel and crosses so many boundaries. This guy needs at the very least a whole lot of training.
I would suggest not doing sex toys and becoming more in tune with your physical sensations. Needing toys to achieve orgasm is not a good thing. The more you use external aids the less you're able to get there on your own.
Getting in touch with yourself, experimenting and having your partner take part is the best way to experience more fulfilling pleasure. It will also deepen the bond between the two of you.
will I ever love someone good for me?
U heal.