I can see that you have a valid point and I agree with what you are saying. We have both agreed to do things together when being open and talk about our wants and needs in advance of anything transpiring. Yes I admit to looking through phone records because I felt that something was off and I was being lied to. I feel that after what has happened I am not the right kind of person for an open relationship as I have been hurt by his actions. I take full responsibility for my hurt and accept that I am the one who needs counseling and to change my thoughts and beliefs. It’s a very hot pill to swallow and I fully admit my wrongdoing in this. With that said, it still hurts. But it’s my own fault I realize.
We just found a water bottle in our car that had been lost in there for months despite the car having been cleaned out pretty well a few times in between. Shit happens.
First of all, I am so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault. The blame falls fully on those scum bags that did that to you. What you went through was traumatic for sure and if you are able to, please consider counseling or therapy.
You could try talking to your friend about how you feel. It’s possible she doesn’t know it’s hurting you. How can she not know? I don’t know. I personally cannot be around people who brush aside what my rapist did to me. I have dropped friends who keep my rapist as their friend knowing what he did to me. They are no longer “safe” people for me to be around and I will not subject myself to their cowardice and lack of action to save face.
Why can’t your friend just see you? Why does her boyfriend need to be there and have his brother there? A packaged deal so you no longer can see her? It’s possible she feels too guilty or awkward to talk to you, at best. How the HELL she can be around this guy who hurt you at all just tells me she can’t step up and do the right thing, which would be to cut him out.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and you must feel alone. Please talk to someone. Im not sure how to approach your boyfriend but he needs to know too.
As long as there are AHs in this world, OPs post is indicative, women have a need to know this.
The fact you are a nice, decent person does not stop you becoming a victim, in fact you could argue it makes you more likely to be one. It’s not your fault but, it is what it is. People will turn against you for whatever reason they think they have. Until attitudes change, if they ever do, Look after yourself, Put your safety first.
Revenge porners should be locked up until the message gets out there that they will be. Until then………………..
When you’re young and in abusive relationship with a manipulator, sometimes things that would normally seem clear as day outside that relationship, seem murky. He’s clear great at gas lighting and we really don’t know op’s history. E we don’t know if she’s ever seen a healthy relationship modeled for her by the adults in her life or if she’s experienced abuse. Often children of abusers end up in abusive relationships bc those things seem “normal” to them or not as bad as what they saw growing up.
By the sounds of your post? Because you’re a controlling AH. You’re willing to blow up your marriage over walking her home? She might not need the job, she may just enjoy the company, but doesn’t want the teasing of her coworkers. She should just be mature enough to laugh about it or turn it back on them saying ‘you’re all jealous that you don’t have that kind of living relationship’, but if she’s not long returned to the workplace or isn’t the kind of person to confront others then that on her. All you had to do was say ‘fine if it bothers you so much then you can walk home alone or we can meet after you’ve gone your separate ways from your colleagues.’ Instead you’ve chose to end your marriage over this. Good luck trying to hold onto the house in the divorce.
He's not playing the worry card but he does have a lot of problems he carries. I think my version of being taken care of is worry about me more, I guess. Care more about my well being or make more effort to know about my day. Lately it's just talking about his problems.
His family is not very close. They don't include him in anything or tell him things. They blame him for small and big things. And he's doing is very best but they just cannot appreciate him. They're very very hot on him and it's taking a toll on him too. I don't want to add more problems to him so I always do my best to be very positive and make him happy
It's getting too much a bit right now and I want to vent
I agree both of us are in the same situation and your advice is good in the sense that become her friend first and make her open up.
I have asked her if she wanted to continue her studies but she seems reluctant or not interested in doing so.
As far as confronting my parents goes,i have confonted them before they dont take any blame for this and say ultimately choise was mine but asking a 19 year old (at the time) to make the most important decision of his life is unfair.
I can see that you have a valid point and I agree with what you are saying. We have both agreed to do things together when being open and talk about our wants and needs in advance of anything transpiring. Yes I admit to looking through phone records because I felt that something was off and I was being lied to. I feel that after what has happened I am not the right kind of person for an open relationship as I have been hurt by his actions. I take full responsibility for my hurt and accept that I am the one who needs counseling and to change my thoughts and beliefs. It’s a very hot pill to swallow and I fully admit my wrongdoing in this. With that said, it still hurts. But it’s my own fault I realize.
Same
We just found a water bottle in our car that had been lost in there for months despite the car having been cleaned out pretty well a few times in between. Shit happens.
Did she really just delete her name and post???
Friend, this is just ridiculous. Adults don’t behave this way. Your GF is a child and sounds like she is using you.
You deserve better.
First of all, I am so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault. The blame falls fully on those scum bags that did that to you. What you went through was traumatic for sure and if you are able to, please consider counseling or therapy.
You could try talking to your friend about how you feel. It’s possible she doesn’t know it’s hurting you. How can she not know? I don’t know. I personally cannot be around people who brush aside what my rapist did to me. I have dropped friends who keep my rapist as their friend knowing what he did to me. They are no longer “safe” people for me to be around and I will not subject myself to their cowardice and lack of action to save face.
Why can’t your friend just see you? Why does her boyfriend need to be there and have his brother there? A packaged deal so you no longer can see her? It’s possible she feels too guilty or awkward to talk to you, at best. How the HELL she can be around this guy who hurt you at all just tells me she can’t step up and do the right thing, which would be to cut him out.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and you must feel alone. Please talk to someone. Im not sure how to approach your boyfriend but he needs to know too.
Not exactly it means you can bang someone too maybe.
Absolutely not.
As long as there are AHs in this world, OPs post is indicative, women have a need to know this.
The fact you are a nice, decent person does not stop you becoming a victim, in fact you could argue it makes you more likely to be one. It’s not your fault but, it is what it is. People will turn against you for whatever reason they think they have. Until attitudes change, if they ever do, Look after yourself, Put your safety first.
Revenge porners should be locked up until the message gets out there that they will be. Until then………………..
OP hasn't given up his alone time from the look of things
It's not just that, he conspired with his family and is very enmeshed with them!
When you’re young and in abusive relationship with a manipulator, sometimes things that would normally seem clear as day outside that relationship, seem murky. He’s clear great at gas lighting and we really don’t know op’s history. E we don’t know if she’s ever seen a healthy relationship modeled for her by the adults in her life or if she’s experienced abuse. Often children of abusers end up in abusive relationships bc those things seem “normal” to them or not as bad as what they saw growing up.
You're the one asking the question
Tell her you asked reddit. I'm sure that will warm her right up!
By the sounds of your post? Because you’re a controlling AH. You’re willing to blow up your marriage over walking her home? She might not need the job, she may just enjoy the company, but doesn’t want the teasing of her coworkers. She should just be mature enough to laugh about it or turn it back on them saying ‘you’re all jealous that you don’t have that kind of living relationship’, but if she’s not long returned to the workplace or isn’t the kind of person to confront others then that on her. All you had to do was say ‘fine if it bothers you so much then you can walk home alone or we can meet after you’ve gone your separate ways from your colleagues.’ Instead you’ve chose to end your marriage over this. Good luck trying to hold onto the house in the divorce.
For that you need to talk to your GF as she knows her parents the best.
If she thinks it’s a good idea, then go for it.
should I just cut my losses and break up with him?
If he refuses to even cook basic things like frozen veggies & pasta then yes.
He's not playing the worry card but he does have a lot of problems he carries. I think my version of being taken care of is worry about me more, I guess. Care more about my well being or make more effort to know about my day. Lately it's just talking about his problems.
His family is not very close. They don't include him in anything or tell him things. They blame him for small and big things. And he's doing is very best but they just cannot appreciate him. They're very very hot on him and it's taking a toll on him too. I don't want to add more problems to him so I always do my best to be very positive and make him happy
It's getting too much a bit right now and I want to vent
I’m so happy for you that this happened as quickly as it did. You’re free!
I agree both of us are in the same situation and your advice is good in the sense that become her friend first and make her open up.
I have asked her if she wanted to continue her studies but she seems reluctant or not interested in doing so.
As far as confronting my parents goes,i have confonted them before they dont take any blame for this and say ultimately choise was mine but asking a 19 year old (at the time) to make the most important decision of his life is unfair.