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I see. Thank you!
Has your wife been acting depressed lately, sad and withdrawn?
If it isn't postpartum depression, and she was just angry, I would call her to ask how she and the baby were doing and if she needed anything from the house you could bring over. Hearing your calm and collected voice may start to give her the encouragement to come home. Taking stuff over would give you a chance to see each other and make up. Tell her how you feel, but don't push.
It’s just normal life, I don’t understand why she’s making it that big of a deal.
Whether it’s as a couple, situationship, one night stand, you do actively make sure you’re safe. One night stand, use a condom. Situationship or couple stable enough for unprotected sex, both do tests and check that you’re safe for the other, discussions about birth control are needed and then drop the condom.
It has nothing to do with judging anybody. Even people you trust can cheat behind your back and give you STD you’re not aware of. You can be born with one and never know. You have to know your status before having unprotected sex with someone, period.
Major red flag. You got checked, why can't she? Is it because they might find something, or an over the top guilt reaction because something has been happening that shouldn't be?
You're better off staying with him and your children and just do whatever you want to do in New York where you live now. Your children are more important than you relocating.
more important questions here are why are you willing to wreck your home to be in New York?
Why not work out your differences where you are since you cherish your children?
OH. i hadnt realised it was only the one date, i thought you were dating. Ok ok. It's a bit much, but seems well meaning.
No fucking way. Not unless your name is is on the deed.
All you need is a stove, fridge, and sink in order to cook. And you don't even need a stove these days.
Once you life together and see if that works, you can add the kitchen when you guys marry or decide to stay together.
Don’t buy him a kitchen. Save your money for your own future.
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Yeah, I feel terrible for getting my boys circumcised. Back then, it was just something you did, so I never really thought about it. I regret it now. What a terrible thing to do to a baby.
I'm with you it's weird in my opinion but I don't think something this minuscule means anything by itself
If you want his answer though you're going to have to talk to him
I try to take away his toys. He would increase his attacks
Hm, I think I associate “abusive” always with malicious intent. My father, however, is just really dumb. He genuinely believes that young people can't get seriously ill and that Covid is harmless. This isn't just something done towards me, but to everyone for as long as I have been alive. Maybe it's because he never really gets ill and if he did, once in a blue moon, he still always went to work and never complained, but he just can't fathom how anyone under the age of 60 who isn't having something like cancer or broken bones or gaping wounds could be too ill to do anything. It's like he lives in a different reality when it comes to this topic.
Oppositional defiance is appropriate in toddlers. It is not appropriate in people your age. Propose before the holiday (surprise!) or on the holiday, or cut her loose, man.
So, what happened?
Thank you so much for all your help, its incredibly valuable – I truly appreciate it! Almost all of these things do make sense to me, thank you.
I agree that it was shitty to talk about them there. I wrote up an apology to them but the bf shot it down. I stopped drinking since this happened and I am reevaluating many things thanks to your comment and this whole thread. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
I can try to have him come over for dinner, it sounds nice and peaceful!
What has he told you about his family?
It wasn’t the argument that caused the issue, it was the need for a break. that removed feelings of stability and led to fear, understandably so in my opinion.
In his shoes, I’d be saying something similar, it’s a big commitment to move into someone else’s home and, regardless of the intentions earlier on, that’s what this is. For me, needing a ‘break’ doesn’t indicate being in a good position for starting living together, you say that things would have looked differently if you had been, but why didn’t they look like that anyway?
Nobody, no matter what they have done wrong; wants to keep having to talk about, be punished over, or constantly rehash the past. If you stay together that IS what will happen. You won't intend to think about it and she won't intend to say or do something that triggers memories, thoughts and emotions. But it will happen, repeatedly, maybe forever.
My ex cheated on me early on in the relationship. I tried to get over it and move past my insecurities. I stopped telling her what I felt because it was like beating a dead horse. But if she was 30 minutes late in the back of my mind I always wondered if she might be cheating. If she had to be away overnight I almost assumed I'd be cheated on and there would be no way for me to ever know or catch her. I wasted years with her, and I truly don't think she ever cheated again.
BUT, there was never going to come a day when I genuinely trusted her again. I couldn't ever tell myself, “I know with 100% certainty she'd never cheat on me”, because she already had. Hoping a cheater won't cheat again is a sucker's bet. many things in this world are worth fighting for. A cheater is not one of those things.
This is the second my husband slept with my best friend story. Except this one, the op is getting some. Op you give advice to the other girl cuz she isn't getting some.
Enough fooling around. So you meet to figure out what your end goal is here. Do you want things to work out with your husband? Or do you just want to punish him for this entire arrangement?
If it's the first one, then yea, you have to close it. Then, you need to go to counseling to resolve the issues regarding how it started and how it broke down.
If you do keep it open, just be prepared for your relationship with your husband to break down.
I don't necessarily see it working out where you keep it open because I believe he wasn't looking to open up the relationship genuinely. He just wanted to get with your friend.
So figure out what you want in the end and male a decision.
OMG, just send him some ideas. If you can't talk to him about this you aren't ready to get engaged.
But they weren't prevalent in their hometown in his experience. Put it this way. If I loved my family to a new town for a work opportunity and my family felt bullied and isolated in that area, we would leave, no job opportunity is worth your families mental health. None
So…. she's not allowed to talk to any guy besides you?? GL finding someone your own age with this childish mentality.
That was my thought as well.
I dunno how people like you comment stuff like this to people they don’t know and don’t feel a little embarrassed about it
She doesn’t deserve to feel abandoned.
You're telling a story in your mind as if you are the author writing a character, and the dog is a character whose internal life you have created. The dog is not a character in your story. It doesn't see this situation like you do.
Every inch of me wants to put my foot down and say no and keep her. I know that for the rest of my life I will carry guilt and heartbreak from this. I’ll never allow us to adopt a dog again because I can’t go through this pain again.
You are incapable of taking care of this animal, but you've created a whole novel in your head about it. You've doomed yourself to a life of misery because of this because you don't want to admit you made a selfish mistake by committing yourself to this dog when you were in no position to do so.
And now you're wanting to rope a whole other human being into this self-punishment fantasy.
You move on by admitting that adopting this dog was a selfish mistake.
It means sit down and have conversation with her about this. You’re asking a question we can’t answer because we don’t know anything about your gf so you’re going to have to talk to her and ask.
Maybe he’s gray?
I'm 41m and I think this stems from guys having a harder time making friends and building a social circle. It took me quite a while to build a good friend group and now I don't bother my wife with these things as I have other people to talk about this kind of stuff with.
For a lot of guys, their wife/girlfriend is their only emotional outlet and they get stuck with the burden of this situation.
So she tries and it never works out? Ever think you may be pushing the idea or bringing it up and she “tries” to sate you? (Not saying she should do that but it’s possible). We’re just making inferences based on the info you’ve provided. Maybe re-read what you wrote.
So would he have no problems with you doing the same?
Ah yeah, I knew who I was responding to, just was trying to keep it about the numbers & what OP said previously, to not be overtly rude.
Pretend you never received that email
Your relationship is likely temporary no matter what. Not to invalidate your each other but you sound like her therapist.
Definitely true. Our work hours are also pretty opposite which doesn’t help our personal connection. This is a good reminder ❤️
I think you should stay away from her. You are acting codependently on her. You need to stay single for your own sake, at least for some time.
I don’t understand what else you could’ve done? You were holding the baby right? This is crazy, you seem like a wonderful mother, your husband is a fucking asshole
The part where her friends exclude her is definetly immature. If they've got a problem fucking say it out loud to her, no one is a mind reader, if they don't like her bf they need to tell her not be children and push her away because where will she go? Into the arms of her bf…
I agree at 21 she needs to experience life and whatever, his excuses for not dating anyone his age are weird but I'm just pointing out that her friends are also being dicks.
No, he was being a dick. You’re both bad parents.
This bf said your second you don’t want that it will only lead to pain and resentment