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Model from: us
Languages: en,es
Birth Date: 1996-08-29
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Help her develop other responses. Her problem isn’t that men look at her. Her problem is that she perceives that as negative.
If she believed it were a positive or neutral experience, she would not be bothered by it, and may even be empowered by it.
I have extreme PTSD, called Complex PTSD, from sexual trauma, so I understand how debilitating it can be to think you’re in danger. This is what is creating the crying response. It’s her biological fight or flight mode – it sounds like the “fawn” response is activated by crying.
This is normal, so tell her that. “Oh hey it looks like your body thinks you’re in danger. I can see some tears forming, it looks like you’re shrinking a little and getting quiet. Are you getting into the zone?” Is what my husband will say when he notices me drifting away. His gentle acknowledgment let’s me know he is noticing my symptoms – not my “off putting” behavior. This helps me feel seen and relaxes me more.
He will often then hold me and ask me gentle questions like “how did it feel when that happened?” And will acknowledge those feelings without adjusting or correcting them.
After I’m a little more calm he will ask if I know how much he loves me, and how wonderful he thinks I am, and other positive questions I sort of have to say “yes” to. This helps me direct my thoughts to positive places and makes me agreeable to being in this calm space.
Start helping her read “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius. Wonderful tools are in there to help one regain control of not just their thoughts – but their thoughts about their thoughts. That’s where the magic happens. Lots of women go through this, she’s not weird or broken – she’s just healing.
You're welcome. Hope it all goes well.
so glad to read your edit. OP, you deserve much better. Someone nice is out there, and I wish you lots of love in the future.
Yes.
When traveling to the USA, my kids need to use their USA passport. Their German passport is cheaper, lasts longer and more convenient to use in Europe.
This is the first comment I’ve seen that mentions that it is shitty to out someone. Outing someone to the wrong person can quite literally put their life in danger. Sexuality is personal and just because OP is their best friend, it doesn’t automatically give them the right to out them.
Watch some porn or I like to call it, “My homework”
Since she refuses therapy you need to leave and get therapy yourself. She’s very sick and her refusal to take responsibility for her mental health is selfish. Your mental health will be destroyed if you don’t get away from her toxicity, and it’s not safe for you to be around her because she may accuse you of rape again and this time press charges. You need to get away from the whole situation.
break up with your partner. it seems he is too ignorant to dodge the bullet (train wreck is a better word) that you are so atleast respect him enough to let him find someone that has the maturity of an adult woman.
Just leave the ball in his court for now. Do not reach out again. If he calls or texts back you'll know!
I haven’t in a long time
Idk why you're getting downvoted, this is common sense
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Dump her
I atarted reading and was already over it after the 2nd damn line. Then I read some more and decided to stop at the 4th one. I don't need to read anymore. Date someone else. The age gap, the “hasn't been popular with the ladies his age so he's trying with the younger ones”, the lying, the body shaming. No. Enough is enough.
Yes, they found no issues
Do it.
Hey there WTFishappening_2020 – thanks for saying thanks! TheGratitudeBot has been reading millions of comments in the past few weeks, and you’ve just made the list!
It seems like a very weird, pointless lie; it’s not like he should be embarrassed to only have 150k saved up, it’s still more than you did. What was his explanation for it?
I am laughing now recalling these birthdays. I think you all have a good point- I don't think birthdays are that important to him. For 30 we went to a nice restaurant with 1 of my friends and 35 we went to Vegas but that's only because my friend and I got tickets to see Elton John. He didn't even come with me to the concert. And I remember being very hurt by the restaurant he chose that year in Vegas. It was an outdoor cafe. For my birthday dinner. We were literally in Vegas with dozens of nice restaurants and that's where he picked. I remember being so hurt and angry at dinner and told myself that night never to let him pick the restaurant again. (We live in L.A. so we're both very aware of what's in Vegas)
Its been weeks and she hasnt once tried to contact her boyfriend, she has essentially told him to sit down and wait for her to be willing to talk with him and be apart of the relationship again. She has paused her current relationship because of her ex and her ego. She might not be “in love” with the ex anymore but their is clearly feelings attached to him that she didnt work through over the years. How is OP suppose to support his gf if she runs and hides away and tells him to not talk to her because she needs space? She is destroying her relationship by not actually addressing this issue, OP is done waiting on her to be an adult and break the space and talk to him. OPs gf is not communicating at all, asking for space and running away from your relationship is not communicating and after a couple weeks on no contact she has shown she isnt fully ready to be in a relationship
Why do you say “as I woman I hate saying this”? This is what I don’t get. There are a lot of people in this sub who are still blaming OP (one is even saying that his wife is so much smarter than him that she’s had to hold it back to make him feel better about himself and she just couldn’t handle it anymore).
This shouldn’t be a gender issue and you should feel proud to call out abuse from whatever gender it comes from.
Making excuses for shitty behavior and abuse isn't cool.
Yikes dude the flags are crimson red and you’re still ignoring them. For god sake she HATES your 8 year old. A grown ass woman HATES a child. OPEN YOUR EYES BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
That was my first thought too. Everything else is superfluous as well as a complete mess. A partner purposely spitting on me? Absolutely not, that would be the end right there.
This has caused so many fights to the point of thinking of breaking up. Am I crazy?
No, sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and you don't have it. Compatability is much more than just frequency.
this is sad dude get therapy
I can understand being a bit uncomfortable and even a little jealous. But there’s a fine line between voicing your discomfort at his seeing this woman and controlling who he can and can’t see.
He should absolutely be validating you and making you feel secure. But it’s not fair to limit who he sees exclusively on the basis that you don’t like it, yknow? I would be 100% on your side if you felt there were a reason to be distrustful but, unless there’s other info you’re leaving out, I think you’re leaning into toxic territory unnecessarily.
In this economy who in their right mind would refuse a free house?
Is the fact that the house is going to be only yours that is the problem to your boyfriend? I not a fan of that testing your partner thing but in your situation I think would be a good idea… tell him that you can ask your father to put the under both of your names and see his reaction. I'm saying this because you have know idea how much people change when there's money involved.
Well, then, maybe go to a doctor or something because not really normal. If there wasn’t any major weight change or you’re not pregnant, then maybe get your hormone levels checked or something
The “joke” he made to her was: Hey, if you ever need a man around to help you with anything…errands, repairs….sexual needs…I’m always here for you.”
just… delete the app?
Spray bottle! Spritz her when she comes in.
You practice the skill of ending a romantic relationship and remaining amicable before you have kids in the mix. If you've always cut off your exes, it's too very hot – obviously, based on results – to just “flip the switch” when you have children.
Oh, so the cheating scum bag who obviously doesn’t care about you is peak love?