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Not only that… *but their entire relationship is built on a lie. * A lie she told just to keep him.
He probably would never have stayed with her if he knew the truth back then.
Amen! I hate it when assholes like OP's brother ALWAYS want forgiveness on THEIR terms and all of a sudden the victim is now the asshole because they wont forgive them, fuck that, I have a brother that I haven't seen in over 30 years and I don't plan to ever again, bad people need to be kicked to the curb and made to stay there.
It sounds like you were supposed to be bringing your boyfriend this whole time but didn't and now it's awkward because your parents think bf doesn't like them. Next time you go to their house or to an event just bring him? I think you created this issue and after 15 years it may be unfixable.
Here is how I understood this. He wants an open relationship on his terms. He wants you to be monogamous but he can do what he wants. He wants to cheat without being the bad guy. If he hasn’t cheated already he is going to. And then blame you. This is bull crap. No man brings that up that only wants to be with you. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s him. Also you mention that by giving him his space to think, he felt like you didn’t love him. That is crap too. He is manipulating you
My partner is 13 years younger. You really can't control what other people think. Just laugh it off. That's all you can do
Bridgerton was different, not sure if you’ve heard of it but the timeline is like 1800’s regency period. The main girl in the first season is a lady and like most ladies back then, was not told anything at all about sex. She met a dude and he started teaching her what sex was and she was from a big family and told him how she wanted that. They were caught kissing for the first time and forced to marry and he convinced her that he couldn’t have children so she wouldn’t want to marry him. She’s kinda like “well my reputation is gong to be ruined and my only options are you, nude dude that can’t have kids, or my cousin that is older than my mom..” and marries him anyways. He keeps her in the dark about sex and just pulls out when they’re done, and she starts to wonder what he’s doing every time they finish. She doesn’t know much about sex still, and asks if it’s painful and whatnot. He kind of laughs at her and likes keeping her in the dark because he’s just scared of having children bc of his trauma and she has literally no idea what’s going on but thinks he has medical issues preventing him from reproducing. Eventually a servant woman (all the “proper ladies” are too timid to talk about sex) finally tells her that you can’t have a baby if there’s no seed for it to grow or some nasty metaphor like that. She starts thinking a lot, and she’s a smart character and figured it out kinda quickly. She ends up getting on top of him for the first time during sex and when he finishes he freaks out on her about how she doesn’t even know what she’s done and she starts crying about how it’s true. She gets upset about how he’s just treating her like she’s stupid and taking advantage of her not knowing things and how at least now she knows he’s a liar.
All in all it was a very, very shitty thing of her to do but the time periods were so vastly different. She trusted him and he kept her in the dark for his own advantage. She didn’t get pregnant and he was mad at her for a long time, they work through their shit and have a baby together within the next year.
The difference between this book character and your wife is that your wife was not raised in a metaphorical box and she knows what sex is. Your wife didn’t force you to cum inside of her to force you to admit you are lying to her about how babies are made. Your wife lied to you about being okay with two kids so she could basically rape you for the third. She knew exactly what she was doing and what she wanted from it. Forcing you to get her pregnant was more important than your feelings of trust and safety. That is NOT okay, and nothing like bridgerton.
i guess i’m just not like the normal people ?
but really, what values do you hold to your friendships? what have made them everlasting and worthwhile?
not wanting your spouse to fuck other people is not abusive you imbecile
You just need to work out something fair and tell her that is the deal. No discussion is needed. You tried the adult course and she wants the spoiled teenager plan.
Start with her phone bill. She can pay it or do without. Get new credit cards and do not give her access to them. The current situation works fine for her, why should she agree to change?
He did mention something about Asian children just being “smarter”. I don’t think Asians are smarter than everyone else. I think there are smart people in every race/ethnicity. We do live by many white families with adopted Asian children and the adopted children outperform the bio kids so maybe that’s where his bias is coming from. It’s insulting for him to assume we wouldn’t have “smart” kids and that we need to go to another continent to find them.
He's literally wasted your time for an entire year by concealing a secret.
I'd be long gone.
You need a lawyer ASAP. I would lock down or delete your social media, at least until you speak to a lawyer. Don't talk to him further until you have spoken to counsel.
You can't prevent him from legally seeking visitation and later potentially custody with the kids, but you don't need to make it any more easy than it already is, either.
He absolutely should have stepped up when you told him in the beginning, but he didn't, and ultimately, when you opted to have them you also opted to potentially have to have him in your life for at least the first 18-21 years, likely longer, regardless of how bad a “father” he is. Additionally, with your kids being nearly high school age, they have a right to have feelings and opinions on this as well.
Thank you! We've tried a lot of those suggestions, but he keeps getting phone calls or if we plan a day, people call out and he has to go in.
He’s not going to admit it. He’s a liar and he’s going to keep lying to you.
I feel so too! D:
So if it is an infant and she has meds in his house dated this year its likely his child was with her.
Even if any of that was the case people shouldn't lie about having kids.
He isn't there because he is working were you live. People work and move away for work all the time.
He’s projecting what he knows he is doing as a ‘friend’ and it’s just another red flag in the story
I didn’t even read the whole thing but will say this: there is a reason therapists are not to treat friends and family, and why there’s rules for getting involved with former patients. Either he’s your bf or he’s your therapist. Not both. I actually vote for neither.
And the isolating you from friends and family is a giant red flag regardless of his profession and the age gap. Get away from him and move on.
Financial advisor asap. You could have an amazing retirement with this money. And a job that makes you happy and not just for a living. Your parents did a wonderful job helping you when they can’t be there.
We have similar issues in my family. Gifted a little less than a hundred thousand, money was split between family members too. Some got more than others and others got access to it immediately and others get access in ten years. It really caused a rift because some people couldn’t just let it go. It’s incredibly frustrating and has torn the family apart.
Thank you, I appreciate it. Looks like im gonna bite my tounge
If she is that freshly out of it. Did you have a paternity test?
Why can’t she visit your place?
She left you.
Then she slept with someone else.
Specifically, she left you specifically so she could go sleep with someone else, and claim that it wasn’t cheating. But the bottom line is that she left you so she could sleep with this other person. So, if you are going to be dabbling in technicalities, you two are not actually together, and it’s entirely up to you whether you want to take her back. Personally, I wouldn’t. I have no time for nor interest in game-players.
I in no way am saying this to be me ignorant or against you so please do not take what I am going to say that way. In all honesty he is completely wrong in the wrong and should suffer!!! Maybe she offers him stuff you do not, may she does she does things you do not? Once people get married and have kids they change, they don’t get as wild, they don’t get as free. They are too tired. They get to occupied with life, they drift apart. It happed in my marriage and I made a mistake and paid dearly. But I ended up torturing myself way more than she did for what did. Then recently I find out 10-12 years ago she had her on fling, I forgave her like she did me. BUT NOW recently I find out on a phone app she has been calling and texting NONSTOP her old boyfriend from her past for god knows how long. Um need I add we have been married 34 years…. Now who is the idiot. I’m torn and broken. So in short, I feel your pain.
He'll be ok eventually. If you're uncertain you could try a break. You could for example go travel by yourself, cut contact with him for a while. Give you a chance to experience life on your own, and for him it could do him good in the long run to shake things up and be forced to sort himself without you to fall back on.
You just each go on your own paths and see if the intersect. Maybe you'll be drawn to eachother again. Maybe not. Let the universe decide.