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That would be a relationship ender for me. I was uncomfortable when I thought the guy was still clothed. Balls near her face? Hell no. And her reaction when you asked her how she’d feel if you did the same was awful.
Well I will got get a test to make sure.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Throwaway because I don’t want him to see this.
TLDR my fiancé thought I was cheating on him with my best friend, who is a gay man. When he accused me I told him I would never do that. Later he must have found out from someone else that my friend is gay and now he's saying he's sorry and my other friends say I should have just told him that in the beginning. But my thing is he should actually trust me, not just “trust” me with a guy because that guy is gay.
My best friend (25M), I’ll call him Michael, and I (25F) have been two peas in a pod since we met in kindergarten. I went the college route and he enlisted, so we haven’t been able to see each other as often in person, but we speak on the phone all the time when we can. I’ve been with this guy (27M), I’m gonna call him Fred, for almost three years and he asked me to marry him last month. I said yes, I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He never met Michael in person before btw.
Recently Michael got some time off and he came out to visit his family and also me! Like I was so freaking excited and we planned an entire day just like back when we were little kids. He came over early and we made waffles like my mom used to do and he met Fred before he went to work. Then we watched a bunch of Disney movies and like vegged out on snacks. None of this was a secret btw, and we were on snap like all day too. And I guess the entire time Fred was getting pissed and his friends were telling him I’m totally cheating on him, but he never said anything to me all day. He’s never had a problem with me having guy friends, since most of my friends are guys, and never said he was jealous before.
So when he gets back to our place he’s obviously really upset and I’m like what’s wrong. So he accused me of cheating. And I told him if he trusts me he should know I would never do something like that. We had a big argument over it and he packed a bag and left, called off the engagement and said he can’t trust me. Told me I’m clearly in love with Michael so I should just go to him.
So then like two days later he texts me and he’s like, why didn’t you tell me Michael is gay? And I really didn’t think it was relevant, like the reason I didn’t cheat on you isn’t just because Michael isn’t interested in me, it’s because I was in a relationship with you. It shouldn’t have to be an impossible paring for you to trust me with a guy. But idk my friends are saying it was kinda sexual how we’re like sitting on the couch and taking a bunch of selfies, and I’m thinking y’all are disgusting, maybe I’m naive, but in my mind it’s the most platonic thing. I didn’t even go there. So they were saying if I just said Michael is gay it would have solved the issue, but again, I didn’t think that was relevant. Fred is now texting me he’s sorry and we can work it out. But I’m still mad he would accuse me of cheating and not hear me out even? Idk, it's a lot to throw away three years over so maybe I should hear him out?
eta Fred has known Michael is my best friend basically since I met him, they just never met in person before then because Michael has always been stationed away from home and overseas at one point. I've talked about him, told childhood stories, etc. I'm always gaming with Michael and I don't like to use headphones but I'm in the living room and Fred can hear whatever he wants if he's home, he just usually has headphones in. For anyone thinking Fred knew nothing about Michael that isn't true, he wasn't some surprise best friend, and I'd been talking for a couple weeks about how excited I was for this visit.
If you are not paying for your child she should get the government to make sure you are paying for your child. I don’t know your situation but if you were paying your fair share already chances are she wouldn’t be going over your head to get it.
He asked you to hang out, you didn’t respond, he feels awkward, and hopefully this is all his attempt to remain professional.
I meant she is treating you like shit. How do you know she’ll change?
How far apart do you both live!? Sometimes, it's best for a holiday romance to remain just that.
Wait. You're telling me that you messaged this person from a random fake account you have and they just openly spilled all this private information to you? No one does that.
Break up. Do not date controlling partners, especially when they have double standards.
What about before kids? She was like that too
If he’s ejaculating to porn , he’s all spent from that . They don’t often do that out in the open in front of SO. Look at his phone . If he’s hiding /Harding his , that’s an important clue .
Put yourself in her shoes. Are you cool with another dude fucking her? Because two dudes and a girl is also a threesome.
Our relationship is clearly hurt over this. She told me it felt like I was asking if I could have sex with her best friend, and saying that she wasn't enough for me. Which isn't true on either count, but it's a fair feeling on her part.
Yes, you were asking if you could have sex with her best friend and heavily implying if not outright saying that your wife isn't enough for you. Your wife has clear boundaries laid out, either drop the threesome thing or get a divorce and find someone that is into that.
Well this friend is now getting married and we are not even invited to the wedding. BUT my partner is planning his bachelor party ?? I find this super strange since they really aren’t that close.
This doesn't make sense. How did that conversation start.
You say “we” aren't invited to the wedding. Is your husband invited by himself? And just hasn't told you?
On the other hand, not sure why you say you can't cope with the kids on their own for 5 days.
This is also a concern
On average he goes out twice a month with friends for dinner/drinks while I stay home with the kids.
When do you get to go out by yourself and see you friends with him staying home and looking after the kids? You should get free time too…
Well if you’re worried about naked boundaries is too confrontational. Just phase him out. Too busy, forget to reply, got other plans, never reaching out. Takes a little longer n kinda shitty but not your responsibility to shoulder people’s emotional load.
He cheated on you.
No wucking forries 🙂
If you want to increase his rent, all you need to do is communicate this:
With the cost of living crisis going on the bills are going up and I think so should his rent.
You don't need to offer him an incentive to be healthier or get his life on track. If you really think its your business to help him out, you help him out by changing his mindset.
Giving him a financial reason to do better, won't do jack for him. Once that incentive is gone, right back to old ways.
This is a mental thing, so don't make it a financial thing.
When you're dealing with this:
He told me he's happy the way he is and that he is comfortable. This infuriates me as I want the best for him.
Not much you can do for the guy. If he wants to be wasted life. Let him be wasted life. It what works for him.
People like this really only improve when they are thrown into the deep-end and forced to think for themselves. Like shit, I have nothing to my name, no place to stay, I better get my act together or I am going to be homeless. I have to figure my shit out.
You're right here:
I'm also hoping it will give him the kick to start thinking of his future without me holding his hand.
Stop holding his hand if you want him to be better.
Honestly, £300 sounds underwhelming affordable. I don't think you will get a better price than that for a place to live!.
Curious, what is your total rent and bills for a month?
Thank you for your advice. I’m not going to take her up on her offer. I’ll message the mutual friend tonight to let him know what my answer is.
Mate, your wife needs therapy ASAP.
But it’s not misogynistic to call out a blatant bias based on gender. That’s just flat out not misogyny.
Calling out specific women for saying shitty things doesn’t make you a misogynist and it doesn’t apply to women as a whole. It’s just calling out shitty behavior and peoples’ bias, whether it’s based on gender or not.
Trouble is, delaying it only makes it worse. Like, now it's school. Then it'll be her birthday, or some special event, and then Xmas. And all the while, she gets more attached, and on it goes.
Like the other person on this thread said he is abusive. No rational man would pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. Shout and scream and call James under any conditions. You do deserve better than this and you have to leave this guy. I hope you don't live! together, but if you do you've got to talk to a close girlfriend or family member arrange to get your stuff moved out of there and get the hell away from the sky. This is textbook abuse. It's going to be even worse for yourself esteem than it is now. If you stay another 5 minutes. Be smart. Be safe. Get out. YWBTA If you don't leave now
So … show her the picture, ask her to comment on it?
How she reacts and/or what she does/doesn't have to say might possibly tell you all you need to know.
I'm rather skeptical of someone who's going out of their way to provide you evidence of her (allegedly) “cheating”, but who won't identify themselves to you? I'd be quite skeptical of their motives … and the accuracy of their “information”/claims/”evidence”. Just seems rather to quite suspect.
and if you have children with this man, he will attempt to control them using fear.
Oh honey no. This whole thing reads like dangerous red flags. He could have killed you with the way he drives. If he is threatening suicide, dial 911, and then pack your bags while he's at the hospital.
There are domestic violence resources in your area.
She is washing her hands with water tho?
Jfc… Can you link to the post?
I will not be able to look at him the same way after this. I dont think I like him anymore
Thing is I don’t think he fucked around. There’s just little things that I can’t pinpoint. Maybe I just need to sit down with him and just ask. I just moved in with him as well…
Because I’m marrying the father. I don’t think I should be involved in everything, but she said that she wanted to do this together for the baby.
That's not possible because we're already a month in and less than a month is left before we hand in our final report.
Ugh I’m so sorry to hear he’s manipulated you into this, this is ABSOLUTELY not normal or okay! If you’re uncomfortable with something during sex then that’s your boundary, do not let him guilt or gaslight you into doing things that don’t feel good to you. This is not how good men treat you during sex.
Some couples watch porn together during sex, but this is not what’s happening here. Like someone said above, he’s using your mouth as a masturbatory device and you have every right to feel used and violated
welcome to the end
Has her STBX told you they're divorcing? Given his thumbs up? Don't trust her word. She may be a lying cheater.
It's not coming back and was probably just an act if he was able to drop it so easily once he grew a bit.
Please read OP's comments on this post, what I said was not my interpretation but her exact intention as expressed by herself.
Many months of being cold to him has done it's work. You can grieve as long as you wish, but it seems you will do it as a divorcee as well. This is the reality, whether it is right or not your husband won't wait forever to have normal contact with you. At this point, divorce may already be inevitable.
You don't have to bring it up. You don't want to stay with this liar/fantasist do you? You are lucky you discovered the type of person he is before you got in too deeply. Good luck!
Just break up and move on. You’re too young to be dealing with this. Let her spew her negativity on someone else
A partner should support and lift you up, he stills your joy.