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Bella Yun, 23 y.o.
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She works 40 hours, has a kid, and has told you she hasn't got the willpower to do it. Your options are to accept it or take on the tidying responsibility.
He seems nice. Good thing you're having a human with him. /s
Jeez.
I feel you’re just saying that though sometimes
So I agree with this most. 18-20 dating 10 years older is not great and way different than 25 dating older. 25 dating older: who cares. Adults can do what they like and people should support what makes others happy. I hate this “older people should know better” … I know 25-28 year old soldiers, parents, social workers, and medical workers whose maturity is easily in 30's or 40's level. And plenty of 30 and 40 (and older) year olds who shouldnt be dating anyone.
That said OP, you as the younger one specifically liking this is very different than the usual red flags for the older person initiating, like grooming or domination and etc. You are an adult. Date who you want. You're clearly trying to be wise and aware, that's all you need. A good person is a good person no matter what adult age and real love is very hot to find.
You know you can be active on Facebook messenger without actually using it? If you check the facebook site out (generic facebook browsing), the messenger will be noted as online.
Totally came to second the being apart comments by everyone. Going on 13 yrs with my partner and still very much crazy about him, like when we first met. However, I have to tell u that although we “share” our lives, online together, have a child—we very much have lots (LOTs) of “not together time.” We spend apart at least a month to 6 weeks in the summer and some time over other/winter holidays. This may be controversial, but we also have separate bedrooms since I was pregnant and then it’s been years thereafter. I am like u in the sense of needing more touchy-feely and he is not at all like that. There have been months and years that I felt bored like you do. I have had times when I felt frustrated and felt “uncared” for. Then again, I really started to like our separate sleeping arrangement. We have been on and off on that and I can’t say if we will continue but for me, I realized that being apart makes it so much more exciting when it gets time to be together. I like sneaking in each other’s rooms, like as if we are not allowed ??. It’s like constantly getting to win him (each other) all over again as if we first met. Creating this sort of dynamic through separation really does away (for me) with feelings of boredom and puts me in like the mood similar to when u first start date and flirt with someone. We have a pretty busy lives with work and events around our son so natural separation is not very hot to achieve some days and weeks. It is really silly, but one of my fav things he does is, esp if we have not had much time together, when he texts me (while we are both at home!!!) at night. It’s like receiving a text from ur crush ? hahaha So before u throw in the towel, just try to (not be together-have long talks etc etc)—but create “fleeting” moments of togetherness and work on being apart.
That’s sooo comforting to know ??. I honestly thought it would break us up for some reason..
I'll take a look. Thank you.
I would be surprised if he didn't already know he ruined your birthday… But I would be telling him, “you purposely were unkind and spiteful to me. You treated me like garbage for my birthday. I deserve better than that and I need some space to think about if I want to be in this relationship or not.” Take a few days and contemplate if this is how you want your partner to treat you.
Abusers make you at fault for everything they do.
They NEVER take responsibility.
Also you sure he’s even going to therapy or just telling you he’s going?
No. You invited him to that role not based on fiscal responsibility. You take that role away from him you're saying that his finances dictate the level of friendship you have with him. If he's paying, it's literally none of your business if and when he pays, that's his responsibility and not yours to micro manage. You've picked what you want him to wear, in all honesty I feel that you should be paying for the suit however I totally get why you wouldn't want to. Weddings are stressful, don't let this be your biggest stressor.
And can you imagine what would have happened if I refused to use the money on the house we wanted for our future even though I had it? That probably would have been the end of my relationship anyway.
I said in the post that I wouldn’t perpetually expect him to pay more, it’s literally in the last line about my current earning situation.
What’s changed is that neither of us expected to have as big of an earning gap as we do now. It would be more difficult for him to pay more or pay me back if he was still on his old salary… i wouldn’t have wanted him to use a large part of his disposable income on paying me back as well as his share of the bills. The salary he has now is far above national market rate for his profession, so couldn’t have been expected.
I appreciate your input, but I had already made my mind up on not being shafted both ends, just wanted advice on what people thought was the fairer side.
Don’t put yourself through this again. You know deep down that you’re always going to be his “safety”. Is that what you want to be? I sincerely hope you love yourself enough for the answer to be no. There’s so much better out there for you and he isn’t going to change if you stay together. What you’ve seen is what you get.
I think it would definitely harm the relationship since you’re dreading it.
Aside from what you don’t want to try, what’s the reason behind you not engaging in more sex with him?
As long as you have you, things are never done keep going, meet people have adventures and love your self.