Yeahhhh if I was a with a guy and he got a girl(that I later found out he was attracted to and acted out because of) to call me and try to convince me to let my spouse cheat on me, I would have broke up with them on the phone call and cut contact immediately. FUCK THAT whole heartedly. This doesn’t even warrant a conversation after. What a fucking insult. You deserve better. “If this happens again” dawg don’t even give it a chance to happen again.
Go find someone else better. Stop staying in what’s comfortable. Just remember, comfort is crippling sometimes.
i get that. but here's the thing: you all still need help. if there's still this fundamental challenge with him feeling like he belongs and you care for him as a son, you need a space to communicate that. therapy isn't the only place to do that, but you're not doing it now, so why not try therapy again?
think of the therapist like a referee in a ball game. they aren't the focus, you two are. but they are there to make sure you two are fair to each other and yourselves. and most therapists have seen so much, they know what questions to ask and where to push. they just help you better have the conversation you already know you want to have but haven't been able to up until this moment.
the last thing i'll say is that sometimes it feels like therapy isn't working because we're not actually doing our job. we have to actually USE the space. if you have a gym membership, but only go to use the showers and take pictures of yourself in full-length mirrors, you can't really blame the gym for you not meeting your fitness goals. we have to be brave and say the thing we need to say or ask the thing we have to ask. sometimes we're just not honest with ourselves, sometimes we don't even realize the depth of our own suffering. but i encourage you to consider that maybe you two weren't actually using your therapy time, and that's why it wasn't working.
Seems like she, at the very least, she has some sort of romantic interest in you. However she might also have some feelings for this other guy but I don't have enough information to be 100% sure. I'd advise you to ask her as soon as you feel ready. If she likes you, great! If she doesn't at least you won't be hoping for something that can't happen.
Cheating is cheating. Kissing, sex, emotional relationship makes no difference. Maybe he is not having a difficult time because of the “every man’s fantasy is to be with two women “ thing? (Not my opinion just some men I know who have said that).
End of the day it’s his relationship and what he does/ feels is on him.
It sounds like your girlfriend is making you feel not enough because of your height and this is really nothing to be ashamed of. It can be hard when someone close to us makes us feel this way, especially since it affects how we view ourselves.
My advice to you is first and foremost, never diminish yourself due to anyone else's opinion or comments. You are wonderfully made how you are and there should be no comparison made in a relationship between two people when they're physically different from each other.
Secondarily, communication plays an important role in any healthy relationship; if something bothers one party, it should be discussed openly without fear or judgement so that understanding can occur on both sides. I suggest having an honest conversation with her about the issue at hand – gently explain the hurt you are feeling whenever she talks about your height in a negative light – so that she will be aware of her own words and actions moving forward regarding this subject matter and related subjects going forward.
So wait the mother moved closer so y'all could help her, even though you really didn't want to help her…? Because you have said that you wanted to keep the normal ways things were done. With the mother moving closer then that plan is over and your BF would of course help his ex take care of their kids…
I just don't understand how you thought things wouldn't change lol.
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You are getting hung up on the fact he said he loves you. That's not true. He just wants an affair and to keep Mia there.
This was my partner's immediate reaction and I'm starting to see that.
As I said, we barely even interact from him to be in love with me. The entire conversation with him after the confession pretty much revolved around how Mia is “too safe/too perfect” option, he never had excitement in his dating or sex life (which was literally his own choice), and how he wants to have the type of love I have with my partner. His remarks that involved me directly were mainly sexual.
Irrespective of anything else here is that he could've played it down as being an innocent-enough story to sound cool and all – but when confronted with the truth should've said as much.
Along the lines of, eg: “Oh yeah it was an inside joke that got out of hand, really sorry we just keep saying it so much we don't even think about it” kind of thing? If that was it, I'd on-line with it.
You have however in comments added that he's been called out for a variety of things it seems – so one has to wonder….
If you value honesty and integrity, how long will you continue to tolerate a lack of it with your partner?
Food for thought, won't judge on staying or leaving as that's up to you at this point.
20 minutes is too long? Crap, I must be doing it wrong!
Seriously though, you seem way too concerned about getting the deed done and over with. What's the point in that? Chill out. Slow down. Enjoy the ride.
If somebody is talking about marrying you, babies, you are the one, and “i’m gonna leave everything” for you” is it really my fault for checking if i’m gonna make the right choice and invest in it?
No, but it's your fault for not recognizing that a person that talks to you about marriage and babies that you've known for less than a month is huge red flag. You're a complete ass if you feel entitled to search through someone's phone while they sleep, but you're a gullible dummy if you believed she was sincere and non-crazy to talk about marriage and babies after barely 3 weeks.
I’m not looking for any validation just looking for answers. I’ve been half out the door for awhile. I just want to know if he’s cheating or not or if others thinks he’s likely cheating or not or if it’s just me.
My wife and I have both gotten mental health breaks from the world and we both grew stronger for it. We both contemplated ending the relationship and even broke up for our mental health issues not wanting to drag the other down. After getting into a good place to have room for each other again, we made it work. Breathe, take your meds, listen to your doctors, and make room for him and his needs when you can. If you can't, let him know and except his choice whatever it may be. Men will fit whatever space he has in relationships but it won't be their true self and you will not like that version of him.
Your comments are really putting into perspective how disrespectful and bad it is. I dont know how i could not see the full extent of it in the moments . Thank you i feel validated for the first time in a while
If you stay, the cycle is just going to continue. You both are going to continue hurting each other and your self respect is going to suffer more. You’re losing more of yourself every day. It’s not even that you guys are too young and immature. Both of y’all are 30 year old grown adults and still treat each other horribly after years of being together. You’re honestly wasting your time staying.
Habits and expectations are hard to break once they have been established. You quickly developed the 'habit' of encouraging and helping your boyfriend without ever mentioning anything that comes close to monetary reward. He has developed the 'expectation' that you will help out without any monetary reward. Now because your friends put the thought of financial reward in your head, you can't shake it. There is only one way to break this cycle, and that is to tell him you feel used by his assumption that your contributions are worthless. If he doesn't see how that could be, then you need to stop being available.
First. Stop interacting at all with your coworker. You are already emotionally cheating. Get into couples therapy to address the many issues in your marriage. It may be time to divorce but if you did so now, it would be about Lily. That’s not fair to anyone.
Well I'm assuming that he doesn't want to end the relationship from his post, so if that's the case, I'm telling him not to tell her, because it will end the relationship.
The issue is you chose poorly because of your childhood.
This will be the standard until you change it. She doesn’t feel she has a problem. Sorry. ☹️
Yeahhhh if I was a with a guy and he got a girl(that I later found out he was attracted to and acted out because of) to call me and try to convince me to let my spouse cheat on me, I would have broke up with them on the phone call and cut contact immediately. FUCK THAT whole heartedly. This doesn’t even warrant a conversation after. What a fucking insult. You deserve better. “If this happens again” dawg don’t even give it a chance to happen again.
Go find someone else better. Stop staying in what’s comfortable. Just remember, comfort is crippling sometimes.
i get that. but here's the thing: you all still need help. if there's still this fundamental challenge with him feeling like he belongs and you care for him as a son, you need a space to communicate that. therapy isn't the only place to do that, but you're not doing it now, so why not try therapy again?
think of the therapist like a referee in a ball game. they aren't the focus, you two are. but they are there to make sure you two are fair to each other and yourselves. and most therapists have seen so much, they know what questions to ask and where to push. they just help you better have the conversation you already know you want to have but haven't been able to up until this moment.
the last thing i'll say is that sometimes it feels like therapy isn't working because we're not actually doing our job. we have to actually USE the space. if you have a gym membership, but only go to use the showers and take pictures of yourself in full-length mirrors, you can't really blame the gym for you not meeting your fitness goals. we have to be brave and say the thing we need to say or ask the thing we have to ask. sometimes we're just not honest with ourselves, sometimes we don't even realize the depth of our own suffering. but i encourage you to consider that maybe you two weren't actually using your therapy time, and that's why it wasn't working.
A donation in his honor to your favorite charity
i think the original gift u picked out is super sweet and thoughtful!!!! dont listen to them lol
Seems like she, at the very least, she has some sort of romantic interest in you. However she might also have some feelings for this other guy but I don't have enough information to be 100% sure. I'd advise you to ask her as soon as you feel ready. If she likes you, great! If she doesn't at least you won't be hoping for something that can't happen.
Good luck ?
Cheating is cheating. Kissing, sex, emotional relationship makes no difference. Maybe he is not having a difficult time because of the “every man’s fantasy is to be with two women “ thing? (Not my opinion just some men I know who have said that).
End of the day it’s his relationship and what he does/ feels is on him.
It sounds like your girlfriend is making you feel not enough because of your height and this is really nothing to be ashamed of. It can be hard when someone close to us makes us feel this way, especially since it affects how we view ourselves.
My advice to you is first and foremost, never diminish yourself due to anyone else's opinion or comments. You are wonderfully made how you are and there should be no comparison made in a relationship between two people when they're physically different from each other.
Secondarily, communication plays an important role in any healthy relationship; if something bothers one party, it should be discussed openly without fear or judgement so that understanding can occur on both sides. I suggest having an honest conversation with her about the issue at hand – gently explain the hurt you are feeling whenever she talks about your height in a negative light – so that she will be aware of her own words and actions moving forward regarding this subject matter and related subjects going forward.
i was born a girl but now am a guy. i am gay. my boyfriend is a boy and was born a boy. he is also gay.
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So wait the mother moved closer so y'all could help her, even though you really didn't want to help her…? Because you have said that you wanted to keep the normal ways things were done. With the mother moving closer then that plan is over and your BF would of course help his ex take care of their kids…
I just don't understand how you thought things wouldn't change lol.
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yeah i think this confirms that you should get some therapy or help to become more confident and less insecure before trying to date again
You are getting hung up on the fact he said he loves you. That's not true. He just wants an affair and to keep Mia there.
This was my partner's immediate reaction and I'm starting to see that.
As I said, we barely even interact from him to be in love with me. The entire conversation with him after the confession pretty much revolved around how Mia is “too safe/too perfect” option, he never had excitement in his dating or sex life (which was literally his own choice), and how he wants to have the type of love I have with my partner. His remarks that involved me directly were mainly sexual.
No. Don't date married women.
The very first criminal activity to listed on the crime tip FAQ is known drug use
Irrespective of anything else here is that he could've played it down as being an innocent-enough story to sound cool and all – but when confronted with the truth should've said as much.
Along the lines of, eg: “Oh yeah it was an inside joke that got out of hand, really sorry we just keep saying it so much we don't even think about it” kind of thing? If that was it, I'd on-line with it.
You have however in comments added that he's been called out for a variety of things it seems – so one has to wonder….
If you value honesty and integrity, how long will you continue to tolerate a lack of it with your partner?
Food for thought, won't judge on staying or leaving as that's up to you at this point.
20 minutes is too long? Crap, I must be doing it wrong!
Seriously though, you seem way too concerned about getting the deed done and over with. What's the point in that? Chill out. Slow down. Enjoy the ride.
I want to come to her job and talk to her after work, is that a bad idea?
Yes bad idea.
Let her sort her shit out on her own, don't force anything.
Aged out is the correct term
How do the girls not see that when ol creepy comes knocking , what future do they envisage with someone who chases children
He's cheating. Simple as that. There's nothing more to understand.
You don't make a public profile if your goal is to spy on people.
If somebody is talking about marrying you, babies, you are the one, and “i’m gonna leave everything” for you” is it really my fault for checking if i’m gonna make the right choice and invest in it?
No, but it's your fault for not recognizing that a person that talks to you about marriage and babies that you've known for less than a month is huge red flag. You're a complete ass if you feel entitled to search through someone's phone while they sleep, but you're a gullible dummy if you believed she was sincere and non-crazy to talk about marriage and babies after barely 3 weeks.
60 percent of the time it works every time
This reads like it was written by AI lol
I’m not looking for any validation just looking for answers. I’ve been half out the door for awhile. I just want to know if he’s cheating or not or if others thinks he’s likely cheating or not or if it’s just me.
Knowing can be a good thing. You'll know if she's holding out on you.
My wife and I have both gotten mental health breaks from the world and we both grew stronger for it. We both contemplated ending the relationship and even broke up for our mental health issues not wanting to drag the other down. After getting into a good place to have room for each other again, we made it work. Breathe, take your meds, listen to your doctors, and make room for him and his needs when you can. If you can't, let him know and except his choice whatever it may be. Men will fit whatever space he has in relationships but it won't be their true self and you will not like that version of him.
Get a job, save your money, and move out. Learn to be independent.
Yeah she won’t and I’ve known this. I’ve seen how she had treated people in the past, especially her long term ex bf.
Your comments are really putting into perspective how disrespectful and bad it is. I dont know how i could not see the full extent of it in the moments . Thank you i feel validated for the first time in a while
If you stay, the cycle is just going to continue. You both are going to continue hurting each other and your self respect is going to suffer more. You’re losing more of yourself every day. It’s not even that you guys are too young and immature. Both of y’all are 30 year old grown adults and still treat each other horribly after years of being together. You’re honestly wasting your time staying.
Habits and expectations are hard to break once they have been established. You quickly developed the 'habit' of encouraging and helping your boyfriend without ever mentioning anything that comes close to monetary reward. He has developed the 'expectation' that you will help out without any monetary reward. Now because your friends put the thought of financial reward in your head, you can't shake it. There is only one way to break this cycle, and that is to tell him you feel used by his assumption that your contributions are worthless. If he doesn't see how that could be, then you need to stop being available.
Their age became irrelevant the moment they got married. You don't cheat on your spouse, regardless of your age.
Their age became irrelevant the moment they got married. You don't cheat on your spouse, regardless of your age.
First. Stop interacting at all with your coworker. You are already emotionally cheating. Get into couples therapy to address the many issues in your marriage. It may be time to divorce but if you did so now, it would be about Lily. That’s not fair to anyone.
disassociate with her
You can always admit to what you did.
Might want to choose new friends because he is evil (cheating 4 times, wanting you to lie) and are a poor friend and a relationship breaker.
Or
Remain friends with a liar and serial cheater. And understand you are as low as he is.
Well I'm assuming that he doesn't want to end the relationship from his post, so if that's the case, I'm telling him not to tell her, because it will end the relationship.