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Because I love him
As always clear and honest communication that's free of attacking each other or defending yourself would be a good start. To understand why he started watching it again. It could be the result of the changes in your sex life, rather than the cause of them. Being 3 years into a relationship it might be that you need to assess this “deal breaker” if it becomes apparent a compromise is needed. Whatever the case, support and honesty from both sides is how I'd start.
In my experience, it is mixed emotions for both parents and child.
As the child (of any age) moving away, it can be scary. If you are used to visiting daily or weekly, not being able to go see them at the drop of a dime could make you home sick. Phone calls and video chats can help.
From the parents' perspective (as I've been told by mine). It is sad to see your child leave. At the same time, it is a proud moment to know you have raised your child, and they are able to care for themselves and thrive.
I think the majority of young adults at some point test the water's away from their old stomping grounds. Some move back, while other's like what they have found away from “home” enough that the parents follow (especially if grand babies enter the picture).
I think you and your parents will do just fine with the move as long as you stay in contact and visit when feasible.
Good luck on your journey!
Do you have kids together
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This is called reproductive coercion and it is a form of abuse.
Baby trapping works both ways, it's not just women locking down an obligation from a man. A lot of really bad physical, emotional, and mental abuse can start being displayed once a victim is motivated by children, the excuses write themselves e.g. staying together for the family, wanting the children to have their father, if only you were a better wife he'd be a better husband etc etc. It is really not worth taking a risk on this. This man doesn't want to start a family with you, he wants a more permanent way to control you and keep you docile.
Your only fault is in staying, his behavior is disgusting and what he's doing is bad, very bad. Regardless of what you chose to do you really need to recognize this as a clear sign that this person is going to hurt you.
This just does not seem like a wise life choice to make. If it were a friend and not you who was facing this situation, could you honestly recommend them pursue this? I sure wouldn't. Lots of red flags, but I admit I have a North American cultural outlook, and you might tolerate things and be happy where I never would.
I’m srry that you’re going through this tough patch. The way you’re being treated by your spouse is horrendous. My spouse began treating me terrible also after being a sahm for over 5 years and married for 9. He’s changed and is acting very nice now but I don’t think that I can ever trust him the way I did before. Now I’m working towards regaining my independence bc both of our girls are in school. Have you gotten yourself a bank account and how is your business going? How are you mentally? We’re sorta in similar circumstances. I supported my spouse in his education and career and now I lack support bc no matter how nice he is trying to be this year, I know he’s actually selfish. If you ever feel like venting you can pm me.
Right, makes sense. Thanks for your help.
they’d know it’s a lie. I don’t wanna lie to a cop. Getting him to delete them just seems hopeless
Yeah leave him! It will be better for everyone in the long run and 40 is young as hell to find love and have a good and adventurous life with someone who doesn’t make you feel like dogshit on his shoe. It sounded a lot like he was autistic until you mentioned the lying part. He’s just an asshole. Get out. Get your kids a better example of family (single parents are Better than fighting couples).
You are 24 years old. A grown woman. Try speaking to him. With actual words.
People who get married below the age of 25 have a very high chance of divorce. I also wonder, do you live in a more rural or conservative community? Because in my experience it’s usually those people who feel the need to get married young.
I say you stick it out and see where it goes. If it doesn’t work out later, that’s when you divorce.
A therapist can help you figure it out.
Whilst I agree reddit is way too trigger happy to dump/block someone, I think it is reasonable in this situation. Her behaviour wasn't just a minor slip up from having too many drinks on a bad night. She demonstrated a complete apathy to OP's feelings or a complete lack of self control under the influence of alcohol.
The best way for her to learn a lesson here is to get dumped for it.
If you give him an ultimatum it won't work, he's been using that manipulation technique for most of your relationship, he will keep on doing because it has worked before, you won't get through to him with just words, all you can do is save you yourself and your son. Of you're serious about divorce do it behind his back, you mention anger problems, even if he hasn't acted physically on it, the possibility he landed out when confronted might hurt you, take precautions, if you won't use them then fine, being prepared for the worst didn't hurt nobody,
Well being a pride myself if I know someone that has done so much bad to people I care I wouldn't invite them in the first place because it is an invitation to disaster…. especially when you know that a person is a drama person why have them there in the first place? You have to prevent situations. But op can put him in his place by doing all the above or even saying to him to go away.
You said you were partying and to be fair, if there was a good amount of alcohol involved I don’t care what anyone says, it makes you do shit you’d never even consider doing sober. It’s no excuse because that’s fucked up what he did, but under better circumstances you have to wonder if it would have happened at all. I’m by no means trying to make it sound less bad, he needs to tell her and own up to his shit. And she needs to leave him, it’s unfortunate that it had to happen like that. But as far as your own relationship goes with your brother, just know alcohol ruins everything and he most likely wasn’t thinking straight. I quit drinking for those exact reasons.
I have been in the Lifestyle for like 8 years now. The amount of times I have seen a couple at a club leave in tears because of this type of situation is too damn high ? it is common for men to feel inadequate after their first time. It is extremely important in the first engagement that you are constantly speaking with and reassuring your partner. From the kissing to checking in before oral. Checking in before penetration. I would suggest this for the first year in the lifestyle until you truly learn how to communicate. Making your partner constantly feel engaged and included is extremely important not only for their feelings but also for safety.
Get a fidget spinner
Not “helping”. Doing his part.
Track your input
Who is spending money on what.
Who is spending time on what. (here is important that the mental load is also counted. You boss gets more money because he has the overview what is needed. If your bf has to ask you what to buy, where does this belong, what do I need to do, how do I cook this etc. You get special points as well!)
He wants equal? Can do!
“If this relationship doesn't get better, it will get ugly, and you won't be very happy with my behavior.”
Is this a threat? It sounds like it to me. It all sounds like emotional abuse. It also sounds like he's not attracted to you and isn't happy with you. You say you're no longer in love with him. I think considering marraige is a bad idea. If it's this bad now how will marraige make it better.
Imo couples counselling or just end it. Do not get married unless you are both happy.
you're the only other person I've seen with a response like this. I said the same thing. all these other suggestions just seem like such an out of the way effort when asking is probably the easiest.
Unless you live in an alternate universe where time goes backwards, dump this guy asap. He’s wasting your time and he’s wooing someone else? WTAF?
You deserve better.
I also feel like if I bring it up it’ll cause him to talk even less.
I don’t use Facebook. We use WhatsApp.
You're like 30…. You don't have to sleep with people who are nice to you…. especially people you once viewed as your siblings. I have a brother who is 5 years younger than me and if I have had a friend for 15 years who watched him grow up but started sleeping with him… I would be done with you.
Like I said. I didn't know their status nor pry. Not exactly the way to set the mood for a sexy weekend. It's her business.
As long as everything is made clear and you both agree then go ahead
I’m talking what is bro not what is “suppose to be” in your idealized world, there’s posts about this very issue every day of the year on here
I think the fact that he is even calling them “ugly” at all indicates the latter scenario is a high possibility. Man is 37 and insulting someone’s high school boyfriend?…
We have a ‘mutual’ friend. Friends don’t lie to each other’s face? What are you doing OP? I’m focusing on the friend because maybe you could repair that relationship. Your wife asked another man to lie to you. She not only thinks it’s okay to lie to you but she gets other people to do the same.
I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. And I think you see it too. Would that panic attack have happened if there wasn’t some deeper reason for it?