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So it's all on your husband is it? Sounds to me like you had your part in it too. You knew he was stressed and on edge. No he shouldn't have taken it out on you but when he apologized that's where it should have ended but YOU had to keep it going by being a right fighter. If you don't know what that means look it up. Now you want to come on here and get people to support you. Sorry Unless this is his standard behavior it should have been left go at the apology. In every long term marriage BOTH partners have off days and say things they wish they hadn't. In the over all marriage this is nothing.
Don't have kids
Now. Immediately. Let him know as soon as possible. And don’t use empty threats a phone. It’s not worth it at all
Okay forget the condom thing for a minute. She went out for lunch. That turned to drinks at dinner time then she went MIA after dinner. Now she won’t discuss anything with you and is laughing at you because you’re concerned there are issues with your relationship and she might be stepping out. The amount of disrespect in that alone is enough that I’d cut the cord. The condom thing is just the cherry on top so to speak. You’re not stupid or insecure for expecting mutual respect.
Is she one of the Christian in name only kind of person or the cross-wearing, weekly church going kind? As a fellow atheist i can tell you that how religious she is is very important. But at your age just use protection and have fun.
Because I felt it was necessary. I’m sorry for your loss. The suicide of a family member is awful. NO-ONE should ever have to go through that. But your comment about it was just gross; and the fact that you don’t realize that, is worth pointing out, and is worth calling out. I wish you all the best.
I did try to talk to him about it, but his only response really, is him talking like I am some kind of burden he has to carry. But than at times he also says it is worth the trouble and he doesn't mind. But it doesn't feel like it? He says he does more in the relationship than I do and that I give him allot of work. I am really trying my best but it feels like it isn't enough and like I am just some kid he takes care of. He often complains about that but than, again, says it is worth it.
karma farming?
I thought I could have trusted her bc she was very honest in the beginning of course except the fact she was raped but then hid the fact that she did something last year for drugs which I had no clue but she's a beginner addict and she doesn't do it everyday but still it could either get worse if she doesn't stop or get better if she can help herself
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Repeat after me, you do not know if there was any poor behavior on any part of any person in that house based on a freaking snap map. What part of this do you not get? All the info we have is dude looked at snap map, girlfriend wasn't at work, when confronted, girlfriend got upset. You've built this entire plot up in your head from that.
Since we are writing fiction here…
What if boyfriend was yelling at girlfriend for days and instead of going home, she went to a female friends house for a bit to cool off after work. They watched a movie and she came home to boyfriend yelling at her about snap map. She turns it off because she doesn't want to get tracked.
That story is just as plausible based on the details we have from only OP. You jump to 1000 conclusions and then encouraged inappropriate behavior. So yeah, I think your “consequences” are wildly off base because you don't have nearly enough information to support what you are suggesting. All you have is a few details and one side of the story.
You know gps is usually accurate to within 50 feet, right?
She wasn't at work homie.
I don't believe he's an alcoholic because he drinks maybe twice a week and doesn't get wasted every time but lately it's been a reoccurring thing that if he does happen to drink too much he gets angry and its not fun for anyone.
Say something. It affected you and your feelings are valid. Also his brother sounds like a sleaze. Open and honest communication is the most important thing in a relationship, dont sweep it under the rug. Not a small thing.
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You're just 38. You have a whole life. Don't trap yourself even more than you're already are living with this woman. Don't think about it. You'll figure it out along the way but you need to divorce her.
…… lol where the hell do you get he was having sleepovers?
This is so many red flags I could sew them together to make a main sail and sail far away from this man.
A prenup is an agreement between both parties to ensure that regardless of what happens everyone is secure and safe. There is very little less “not a united front” than that. But he does not seem to want a united front as that implies two equals. He wants you to give him control over your money then have four of his children back to back without sticking him with their care.
Ask your former good friend to meet – somewhere she feels safe – to clarify what you did that was abusive (so that you can make sure you never make the same mistake again).
Let her know that you are genuinely confused about your ex girlfriends accusations, and wonder if she is projecting her trauma onto your innocent behaviour.
Tell her how shook up you were by your exes claims and about the work you have been doing since the break up to make sure your behaviour is as far away from that label as possible.
Tell her that being this way is one of your biggest turnoffs, and that if you are unknowingly doing these abusive behaviours you really need to understand that, so that you can break the cycle.
Listen humbly and with an open mind to whatever your former friend says. This will give you pointers to the behaviours that are borderline.
Even if someone is otherwise behaving generous and loving, it is possible that they are also acting abusively. If this is you, it is possible to change if that is your true desire, but it starts with self awareness.
. I HAVE NEVER SEEN MY WIFE THAT TURNED ON WITH ME EVER. I feel like she basically cheated on me and showed me she is a sexual person, just not with me.
1) Yes, she cheated on you.
2) From the look of it, your wife is more into women, than into men. I think she may be a closeted lesbian, or at least never got to investigate her bi- side, assuming she has one.
What is an acceptable amount of time to her for your gaming? Are you able to do that or want do? Does she want you to quit weed entirely? If so, do you want to? Is it the smoke or smell?
Sounds like you need to talk and come to a compromise if your relationship is worth it.
A few things:
make sure you have a safe escape plan make sure you are prepared for any social stigma from being a sex worker (you are getting compensated for sex) make sure you're comfortable with your future dating pool being severely cut make sure to answer correctly on forms for blood donation and such that this isn't monogamous because he can go fuck anyone else make sure you're safe about everything (sex, protection, privacy, etc) make sure you leave when you're no longer happy instead of sticking it out
What you're doing isn't morally wrong. It's fine to do. Just be prepared for the social stigma. If you're fine with that, all good.
Reach out. He deserves to know.
I know you are going through a lot of feelings and you were really looking for help and validation and the truth that your girlfriend is the problem hurts. I hope you can do better for yourself and find a partner that actually cares about you and isn’t a lazy, freeloader. Sorry but you have not given us one redeeming quality about your girlfriend. I hope you can get some help for your self esteem issues, she’s just using you.
and shes looking at my stories and posting shit when she said shes busy… like thats def a lie or somethin
Thank you. I guess I just don’t want to look different in a negative way
I don’t think he is ready to have you be the only and last person to have sex with and he isn’t feeling chemistry from you.
She is “hinting” as bait for you to bankroll her life. She’s basically asking you for an allowance now (on top of paying her and the child’s life expenses), and assurance that the money won’t go away even if the relationship ends. Honestly, it’s weird. The typical game would be to feign interest and not mention money until you were locked down. It’s strange she would out her own intentions, as it’s clearly not based solely on who you are as a person to her.
It’s not wrong for you to want to support her and her child, if you chose you wanted to commit to family with her regardless of the money part. The needing reassurance part by promising money even if you break up is really odd and backwards. Also sounds like she has a foot outside the door and wants to know you’re still willing to be on the hook when she leaves.
Thanks! Your comment is spot on.
what do you mean get your wife into therapy? you need it too bud
That must be very hard. I’ve suffered from a mild depression myself so I can relate. I can’t help but feel that the behavior of your boyfriend is worsening his depression: staying up all night, playing videogames, drinking, social isolation. These are the EXACT things that kept my depression going. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to work on his depression there isn’t much you can do. If he is working very very hot to tackle his depression I think you should be very supportive and very very patient. But it he is not, then you shouldn’t either. It’s like an alcoholic who isn’t willing to lay down the bottle; there isn’t much you can do.
This sounds very naked but if that is the case you should consider leaving him.
It’s great that you have principles to on-line by, but you have to balance that with self respect. In this situation she is treating you like a mug. Cut her off. That last message was concerning, as though she’s setting you up for a stalking charge, or something similar. Not everyone thinks like you, and there are some nasty, vindictive people out there. I would take this seriously and just make sure to protect yourself. I would record every interaction, get a dash-cam, just be aware that she could make a false rape charge or similar. Narcissists hate being called out and retaliate. Be very very careful. I would be wearing a body cam for the next year.
Yeah in that case it’s a major issue. If she can’t communicate properly then I highly suggest couples therapy for any chance to save the relationship. If you are over it, which again is understandable, then just end it. I would just say she has admired for a long time to not be good at communicating and this is just the latest example and had pushed you too far. Unfortunately your trust had been broken and there is no going back. I’m sorry you are goin through this.
With your step dad, just ask him. He's been your real dad this entire time. I am sure he was/is looking forward to this moment. As you said, he's filled every day with so much love and affection, I am sure you'll male his day just by asking.
For your bio-dad, it's simple. Send him an invite as just a normal guest. Anyone that asks, simply say “he's not my dad. He may have fathered me, but he wasn't there. He doesn't get one of the best parts of being a dad just because he came back after the damage was done, and then repaired by someone else, and get the privileges. “
If bio dad has a problem with just being a guest, then you can probably go another 13 years without him.
Then she should have rejected the guy and should have sucked my dick madly just like she did him! No ,no. I will find someone who like small and will never be insecure..
Cut her off and be more unpredictable with your next gf
If you’re not enough for him that’s a him problem, not a you problem. He’s been using you and manipulating you into discrediting your own feelings, comfort, and boundaries. It sounds like he’s been taking advantage of your kindness and naiveness, that’s not your fault so please don’t feel stupid about this.
I guarantee there are many more red flags in your relationship, so now that you’re starting to see what he’s been doing, start paying attention to how he treats you in everyday life
I still want to know his perspective first.
Nope. Dump him. He is not respecting you and controlling you. You can wear what you want, no one has a say in it except you- not your boyfriend, not your parents – you are a 20 year old woman!
My ex used to do this (he made fun of my clothes that I liked to the point where I didn't wear them at all and I pretty much started only wearing clothes that he approved of) and it's amazing with my current boyfriend how he just accepts what I like to wear because I like it! No matter the length/print/cut/style, it looks good because I'm wearing it and after a year and half I'm still getting used to it.
Point is, there are men out there who will love whatever you wear because it's on you because they love you and they don't see it in any other way! Grt out before this goes on too long.
Even if it is, he still isn't going to come anywhere close to matching besties pettiness. Lol! The best friend is petty as fuck. He's cruel and mean and is literally trying to drive OP away.
I think OP should record the best friend, play the recording for the girlfriend, and then dump her along with the message that “This guy is going to keep causing problems in your relationships as long as you keep allowing it. I just want you to know what kind of person he is, before I break up with you.”
Breaking up with her is to his advantage. Letting her know that her best friend is a snake is to her advantage. Just because she's an unsupportive, crappy girlfriend doesn't mean that she doesn't need to know that her best friend is a piece of shit.
Courts see this stuff all the time, they'll settle it if you get a semi decent lawyer. The primary aim of the court is to do the best by the children who are unable to represent themselves. If he thinks he's going to get a ton of alimony while looking after the kid every other weekend then he's in for a shock.
However if OP comes at it from a vengeful point of view and tries to screw the husband out of their legally entitled assets then that plays really badly in court if he has adequate representation.
Renting would be the way to go to be sure. The condo is out of the picture after the shit show of a discussion we had.
I’m in a similar situation but flipped, my boyfriend thinks he might have depression and plans on going to a counselor/therapist. If you still feel some love and don’t want to break up then don’t. Look at the other things happening in your life, they might also be contributing to the numbness.
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