How do I get my husband (28m) to see he is actually insulting me (27f) and not “simply asking a question”?
I have been with my husband for almost 9 years now. He has changed quite a bit over time but I sort of expected that since we met each other so young. We have 2 girls (1&3f) and he really wasn't like this until after the kids were born. But it's gotten much worse since I went back to work a few months ago. He is constantly phrasing insults in the form of questions and then claiming he isn't insulting me. Such as: “where is your head at??” “What's wrong with you??” “Why do you never think?” “How can you not remember?” “Are you blind or just stupid?” There are many more but these are the most used. Examples of why he said these things are: •I said yes immediately when our daughter asked for a muffin and didn't check the sugar contents. •I forgot we were going to Walmart instead of Sobeys which is where we normally shop and therefore missed the turn. •I didn't know the speed limit on the road we were on and said “I don't know how fast we're going here” and just guessed. •I didn't see he added something to the cart and since our daughter was sitting on it forgot to pay for it. •I missed picking up some crumbs on the floor (this one happens the most).
This was all from today if that makes a difference. Just this morning actually as it not even noon here.
When I told him he could correct me without insulting me he just says he is asking a simple and fair question and it's not an insult. I told him that either way it's hurtful and not to do it and he said no as it's a fair question. He might as well just stop asking questions all together if I get insulted so easily. He also refuses to apologize saying he isn't sorry and he will never say sorry unless he actually is. The issue isn't even that he says it once… It's that's after it happens he DOESN'T STOP. He will keep saying that to me and repeat these questions over and over going over his “point” for 15-30 min.
Is there any way I can explain to him that these are infact insults that will make sense to him? We have talked about this many times. Also I guess I should ask…. Are these actually insults? Or am I infact just feeling insulted too easily?
