I (m43) think I just killed my marriage to my wife (f44)

I (m43) and my wife (f44) are continplating divorce, I think I fucked up and put the last nail in the coffin

I'll try to keep this as short as I can. We both got together very young. We've been together for 26 years now. We have two wonderful adult children and have built quite the life together.

About six months ago she started going through a really rough time. She's had bad health issues for over a decade now that really limit her quality of life. She also started having a naked time with our looming empty nest. This was hard on her, realizing she didn't have an identity outside of being a mom or wife.

She's been playing pool for a long time now. When all these difficulties cropped up she threw herself into it and it became her identity. She started to wonder if she even wanted to be married anymore, she just wanted to be left alone and focus on pool which was the one thing she thought was going well for her.

I've tried my best to be there for her and support her through all of this. She just doesn't want to talk about any of the problems and can get angry if I try.

We tried things like having her spend a week at a hotel so she could get away and focus on herself . This didn't seem to help anything.

I tried just leaving her alone to think on things herself and not feel pressured. I even had a talk with her that if she really did want to leave that id be there for her and support her however I could.

She never committed to anything one way or another. Things felt like they were getting better with us. I asked her and she said she hadn't thought about us in months, that it's too painful to.

This didn't add up for me. We started talking about future plans for ourselves and each other. To say she didn't think of us just didn't make sense to me.

I'm not proud of it, but I looked at her phone. I really only wanted validation that what she was telling me was the truth. If she talked to anyone about it, it would be her best friend. What I read crushed me. She was planning on leaving after the holidays.

I didn't react to this well and moved all of her things to her mother's while she was working. I was just in so much pain and felt betrayed. I just couldn't look at her or be around her.

She obviously didn't take the news well. She said that she was just venting to her friend and I violated her safe space . She's right I did. She said she never decided and kept going back and forth, that I didn't see those texts.

I think I fucked up and put the last nail in my marriage. I really can't imagine life without her and really hate myself right now.

Has anyone else been through this? Is there anything I can do to try and make this right?

Edit

Thank you for all the replies. They are all in line with what I've thinking and feeling. We've just been together for so long and through so much that for it to end like this is just insane to me.

She wasn't always cold and unloving. The complete opposite really, she's always been very warm and loving. All that stopped six months ago and I suppose I'm just struggling to find answers that I never will.