My (29F) fiancé (32M) has not allowed me to have alone time in almost 8 years.

We first started dating almost 8 years ago. I own my house and he rented an apartment. Right off the bat he started wanting to be together pretty regularly. Initially I thought it was just the honeymoon phase. I attempted to set boundaries and started by trying to let me have one set day a week to myself. On that day he would call me with plans and ideas but then say something like “oh but it’s your day to yourself. I guess we can’t do anything.” So I changed it up to a floating day that way if something was going on he wouldn’t feel like it’s off limits. Eventually he would call me crying that I didn’t want to see him on those days and I would cave and let him come over because I would feel horrible.

About three months in I invited him to stay over one night and he essentially never left. He was over all the time and my ability to have alone time disappeared. When I would ask him to give me space he would say he doesn’t understand why I would need alone time or vaguely accuse me of cheating because I wanted time away from him. He would tell me that on my car ride to work I am alone so that counts as alone time. If I wanted to go out with friends without him he would get upset because he didn’t understand why I would want space away from him. I would come home and he would give me the silent treatment for a while.

I would take the small times when he was at work and I had a day off for my alone time. I’ve worked full time so it was a rare occasion but I needed them. But about 3 years ago he completely quit his job. He said he wanted to be a twitch streamer and if he pursued that I don’t know because he wouldn’t speak to me about it. This meant he was home all the time. He schedules time with his friends while I’m working and will only do things while I’m at work. If I get home and he’s playing video games with his friends he will quit. About two months ago he got a new job but made sure to find something he could work from home to do. Although now he’s complaining and I think he will be quitting soon.

I’m at my wits end. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself and don’t trust myself at all. I’ve felt like this isn’t healthy but he’s so adamant I’m wrong i don’t know what to think anymore.

Edit: Thank you to everyone so much for the advice. This is a little overwhelming. Several people have asked if this is what I want my life to be like and the answer is it’s not. But I don’t even know where to begin to get out. If I’m completely honest I am a little scared of him. He has never been physical with me but has always been very quick to anger with strangers and have confrontations with them. I have animals and take care of my elderly mom now because my dad recently passed that are factors in this story. If anyone has any suggestions on what my next steps are please let me know.

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