My (34m) wife (33f) cheated and is now pregnant.

Long story short, my (34m) wife Anna (33f) cheated on me. I don't know why. She says she doesn't know why either.

Anytime I ask anything, it's just a river of tears. She says sorry and begs me to forgive her and forget it but I can't.

But leaving hasn't been easy either. We have 2 boys together. She's my high school sweetheart. Our families are longtime friends and are still tight with each other.

They've all urged me to stay for the kids. To forgive her since it was “one time”. To not give up all the good because of one bad.

But the worst part is she's pregnant.

I found out about the pregnancy from my mother as I had her blocked and wasn't living in the same house anymore.

I demanded a paternity test. She readily agreed and swore she'd get rid of the child if it's not mine. She's had nothing but curse words for her affair partner. But then, all she's done since getting caught (didn't confess) is curse the guy and herself and cry.

She's threatened to end herself. All she does is hug the boys and cry.

I'm waiting on the results. I'll divorce her anyway but she says the baby is for sure mine. That she slept with him once whereas we'd been intimate pretty much every night the duration of her affair. It lasted 2 months I think. They met, talked and slept only once if I'm to believe her.

I don't know why, but the idea of the child being mine disgusts me. It feels like she couldn't commit to anything. Not to me nor the other guy. Why was she cheating if I was satisfying her? How is it that she wanted to talk about her feelings with some random man but not me? How was she sharing her deepest thoughts and feelings with this guy and being with me at once? How does that even work?

I've always thought cheating was because you werent being fulfilled by your partner at home. I've read all these stories of wives leaving their kids, denying affections to their husbands, making jokes at the husband's expense, ruining the men financially etc. She's done nothing of that sort. She's still the best mother I could have hoped for my sons. They love her more than they love me I know. She was still the same loving and giving woman I fell for while she was being with the other guy. I saw her texts (the ones she hadn't deleted) and every other text is “I love my husband”.

I don't understand. I can't make heads or tails of this situation. If I did give her a baby, am I expected to forget and move back in? What if I can't do that? It's easy hating the child now because that might be her AP's. But what if its mine and I still hate it?

I genuinely don't know how to be without her. Our entire lives are interwoven. Some days I want to go back to the blissful ignorance I was living in.

The DNA report takes a week I believe. It's been 3 days.

My sister (she visits Anna regularly. I'm angry about that too because she's only visited me twice.) says my wife just looks at our wedding photos and cries. We have a whole junkyard collection worth of pictures and memories. She begged me to go see her once.

I am clueless of how to proceed. It would've been so much easier if she had been a horrible woman for those 2 months that I could begin to look back and hate. But I cant. Life had been as normal and sweet as ever. I don't even have a bad memory of her I can use to hate her. Our last big fight before this, I can't even remember.

I'm going to see her and my boys tomorrow. I think I'll ask for DNA tests on them too. I know they're mine. But you never know. Maybe I'll do it just to hurt her. Maybe I'll find something and I'll just hurt myself more. But that feels so unfair to the boys.

Just how do I make sense of this?