My (f24) husband (m23) told me he has feelings for our friend(f31). I don’t know what to do.

We met Friend about a year ago. Husband and Friend were instant friends while it took longer for Friend and I to warm up to each other.

A few months ago I starting feeling like things were getting a little too close between them. They were texting more and more often, when we would hang out Husband would ignore me when I tried to talk to him to talk to her instead, several times I was in the middle of saying something to him and he would just walk away to talk to her instead. This turned into a big fight the last time it happened becuase I was talking to him about plans for our kids birthday party and he took off at a dead run to talk to her because he spotted her across the room.

I asked Husband repeatedly if he had feelings for her, he always said no. I repeatedly told him the way he treated me when she was around/ the way he acts when she's around was making me uncomfortable. This built up to another fight where Husband insisted that he didn't have feelings for her and he felt like I was just being jealous and that he wasn't allowed to have friends. I felt guilty for making him feel like he wasn't able to have friends, I have never wanted to control who he is friends with, I just wanted us to go back to normal.

So, I dropped it. For 2 months I made myself get over my feelings, I felt guilty for feeling upset when they would joke around with each other. I left the room with they would sing the song "Accidentally in Love" together with pretend microphones and leaning into each other(they have done this at the last several game nights). I ignored the fact that when she touched his arm and he didn't push her away it upset me.

I was just starting to feel like I was past it. Like maybe it was just in my head and I was just being jealous, I felt terrible for having doubted Husband when he told me he didn't have feelings for Friend.

Then at the start of this month Husband was acting upset, I asked him what was going on and he admitted to me that he does have feelings for Friend. He said that he had been having recurring dreams about her. They started out a few months ago, just every now and again, but he is now dreaming about her almost every night. He says he has dreamt about having sex with her a few times, but for the most part he dreams that the three of us are a thruple. He says that the dreams are are usually just us hanging out doing things together, nothing romantic but that we are a thruple.

Husband told me he felt guilty for having the dreams, he felt guilty for having feelings for her. He kept apologizing. When I asked him what exactly he felt for her he said he didn't know. He knows he's attracted to her and that he wants to spend more time with her and get to know her better. He compared it to a "3rd grade crush". He says that he has no interest or intentions to pursue her romantically but he doesn't want to stop talking to her or being around her.

It's been 2 weeks since Husband told me all of this. We started setting aside time at the end of every day to spend time together to just talk about everything. He has answered any questions I asked him. He has started texting her less. I thought that we were doing OK, still figuring out what to do but working through it.

Yesterday he told me that the feelings he has are stronger than he thought they were. He hasn't texted her in a few days but that it only becuase of "some serious restraint" on his part, he realized that he wanted to text her more and more so he stopped texting, but this has only made him want to talk to her more. He says he can't control the way he feels for her, but he feels so guilty that he is hurting me. He says he doesn't love her becuase he doesn't believe you can love someone without getting to know them, but he wants to get to know her even though he knows that it will only lead to him feeling more for her.

He keeps telling me that no matter what he feels for her it doesn't change that he loves me. He said that he even feels like he loves me more now becuase he has been able to talk to me and be honest with me about what he's feeling.

He told me that he has no conscious thoughts of pursuing her, but nearly everynight he goes to sleep and she is there, and when he wakes up in the morning he feels terrible for it.

I dont know what to do. I don't know what to think or to feel. I feel betrayed and angry that he got close enough to her to feel anything for her at all. Im angry that I saw this coming and made myself get over it. I'm hurt that he lied to me repeatedly about not having feelings for her when he did. I'm hurt that I repeatedly told him he was making me uncomfortable and he basically told me to get over it, but I was right.

I feel guilty for being upset about what he feels for her because he can't control his emotions.

I dont want to be the reason he has to lose a friend but I truly don't want to be around her. I don't want him to spend more time with her. I don't want him to talk to her. But he has every right to be friends with whoever he wants to be friends with.

I dont know what to do.

Sorry it's such a long post. TLDR – My husband has feelings for our mutual friend, what do I do?