My husband (M39) has thrown me(F27) under the bus to his family with his silence and complete lack of a spine, how do I salvage this?

My husband Owen and I have been trying for a baby for years with no luck. I would be happy to adopt but Owen’s family is against it and has influenced my husband to also be against it. After our second year of trying I begged my husband to go with me to get a checkup to see if either of us or both of us is infertile. He was strongly opposed to this as all the men in his family are extremely fertile but eventually gave in and as it turns out his sperm count is extremely low. He was heartbroken as was I and we both got therapy.

After a year of no longer “trying” I got pregnant but lost the baby, and we were devastated. Owen blamed himself and proposed that we start the process of getting into a family planning center for a sperm donor which I agreed to. He asked me that we not tell either of our families about this or our friends and I agreed because I would never want to emasculate him. With the help of our donor, I was able to successfully become pregnant and we had our little girl last year, she is healthy and progressing amazingly and I thank God for her every day. I kept my promise and never told anyone, however, Owen is struggling with connecting with our little girl.

Here is where the trouble begins. Last month when he went out of town with his brothers for their friend’s bachelor party. While on the trip Owen told his brothers about our infertility issues and that our baby wasn’t biologically his. One of his brothers must have told his wife who told my husband’s mother. I don’t know why she would tell my husband’s mother except that she has never liked me. Their mother then came to our house and called me a lying whore and tried to get my husband to leave with her. He just stood there silent. I told her that it was Owen's decision not to tell anyone and she asked him if this was true again he was silent which his mother took as me being the liar she then went to our nursery and started taking everything she’d ever given us for the baby back. I told her I didn’t care about it and I made more than enough to buy everything she gave us myself and better quality. This set her off and she called my baby a filthy bastard when she said that I did something I know was harsh but I believe she deserved it.

I physically pushed her out the door (I didn’t hit her but I did put my hands on her shoulders pushing her out the door) and threw all her shitty things out with her. After spirits had calmed down I realized my husband had said nothing when his mother was berating me, calling me a liar, and when she called our child a filthy bastard so I asked him why he was silent he said he wasn’t raised to be disrespectful the way I was and that his mother hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true she was just hurtful with what she’d said and that we should let it go and wait for his mother to forgive us. I told him that I would never let it go that his mother and anyone who agreed with her was not welcomed in our home and that I don’t need to be forgiven when I’ve done nothing wrong. He then said the house was his and as the head of the family it was his decision. I told fine but why did he allow her to call me a liar and a whore those things are not true and our child (no child really) should be called a bastard. He just repeated he would not argue with his mother.

After that, I stopped speaking to him and started gathering up my daughter’s things and purse and walked out the door with her. He tried to stop me and told me I couldn’t take his daughter anywhere without him and I lost the little bit of composure I had left. I told him she wasn’t his daughter. He’d proved he didn’t see her as his daughter when he’d allowed his mother to call her a filthy bastard and told him she wasn’t his. He broke down into tears and begged me to come back inside but at the time I felt nothing he looked pathetic to me.

I’ve taken my baby with me and gone back home to my parents and finally told my family the truth which feels so good. They are completely in support of my decision and are not allowing my spineless husband anywhere near us as he still refuses to apologize to me or set the record straight with his family. However, I told the sister-in-law that I was close to the truth and she told the rest of his family. Half of his family is understanding while the other side is on his mother's side but they all are mad at my husband. I need time to cool down but I know eventually my husband and I need to figure our marriage out. One thing is for certain I will not return to “his house” until he apologizes to me and promises to protect me and his daughter fiercely. I want to see this in action form starting with him telling his mother what she did was wrong and banning her from coming to see us until she asks for my forgiveness. We were also planning on having more children as he wants a big family but that is off the table as I don’t believe he is ready and we both need to get back into therapy