My husband (M47) won’t let me (F35) have a pet because of his “grandfather clause”. How can we agree on this?
I'd like to preface by saying we are happily married and have no other problems like this.
My husband got a dog, Kira, a month after we met a few years ago. So Kira has been with us for almost our entire relationship. I love dogs, love having pets, and while she's not the breed I would have chosen, she's an absolute sweetie and we have lots of fun with her. That is not the issue.
The problem is that my husband won't let me have any pets of my own. When we met, I had just moved to the town he's in for work. My plan was always to get a pet as soon as possible, and I was finally in a situation where it was realistic. His plan was to get Kira, and then have puppies from her when she was older, and keep one of the puppies. He believes that because Kira got here just after we met, and his plan was already in effect, he has a “grandfather clause” that trumps my lifelong dream of having my own pet. Essentially, he's saying that he beat me to it. He got a dog first, so now I cannot get one. He refuses to have any more dogs in the house. He will not allow another dog unless it's Kira and one of her puppies.
My argument is that we both had a grandfather clause in place. That my dream and my plan was to have a pet a soon as possible. I don't think it's right for him to deny me this dream just because he wants to have two of the same dog. He has been open to me getting a cat, but will only allow a cat of a certain gender, age, and colour. He is also mildly allergic and wants the cat to mostly online outside if so. Occasionally, I'll show him photos of dogs that I like, and he will shut it down and say that if he were to allow it, it would have to be this breed or that breed instead.
I try to explain that we cannot only online his life. We are living in his town (I was meant to stay here temporarily but he can't move anywhere else), in his house (I moved into the house he already owned), with his pet. I feel like he has to compromise and allow me to fulfill this dream of mine as well. I have no problem with him having Kira or one of her puppies, but they are his dogs; he chose the breed, the gender, the colour, the training methods, the activities, the equipment, etc. I would like to have a choice as well.
We online in a 300 sqm house with a fenced yard, so space is not the issue. We make good money, so finances is not the issue. We have time to walk, train, and play with the dogs, so time is not the issue.
We need some outside advice. Do I need to let go of my pet dream and understand we can only have the pets he's chosen because Kira was here first?
