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So this was my experience through most of my life, and I always just told myself it was severe social anxiety, but I could never make friends and along with other struggles I decided to see a psychiatrist/therapist. So I gave him my life stories and my experiences and struggles and I was diagnosed with autism. Previously I didn’t know much about it so I started reading….. holy shit all the parts of myself or my life I could never understand suddenly all fit together and made sense. No it wasn’t just social anxiety even people with social anxiety still make friends I have a social deficit. Now that I understand myself so much better and completely things are majorly turning around for the better
Your experiences sound very similar to mine and that of many autistic people. Now I’m not telling you you are autistic, but with the way you explain you social issues and selective mutism it could be worth just looking into A few questions -How do you do with eye contact? -Have you ever noticed your sensitive to anything sensory (bright lights, clothing textures, noises, certain smells, anything sensory that just over the top bothers you) -Are you good at reading people and social cues? -Is there any subjects or things in your life that you are REALLY INTO, and you could talk to someone about for hours?
I think your mom needs to stay out of it.
He was thinking of you. End of story.
See my post above buddy. Please consider my suggestion. What do you have to lose?
[UPDATE:] I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE CHEATED ON ME
Hell yeah. Destroy it with impunity!
Yeah, this has future JNMIL written all over it. Head on over to the r/JUSTNOMIL sub and read up on the antics of JNs and how other people deal with them. There is a good book list and other links in the “Resources” section.
Know this: You are not crazy, OP. This woman does not want to let her baabbbbyyy go. If your bf does not see her as a problem, your life together will always be a battle over her.
Good luck, OP.
There is no final straw with you. If he cheated with multiple women and you are still in this relationship.
He can do whatever he wants knowing you won't leave. So why would he be nice to you?
Thanks for the input and attempted advice. Another perspective even as opposite from my opinion it could be, can be a learning experience. I've learned I won't be tolerating this no matter the reason. Take care!
There’s no convincing him because he already knows it’s bs, because he’s cheating on OP with the friend.
Your new partner is correct. You can't expect her to contribute so much when you are so heavily leveraged elsewhere.
Aside, but what the heck did you get caught doing that made you agree that setup? I am all for paying child support as well anything else your kids might need, but there is no way I'd cover my ex's rent and shortfalls in perpetuity.
I’ve been scrolling for a while now, and it seems pretty unanimous.
we HAVE been no contact with these people. that’s why i’m mostly infuriated. he broke no contact to “prove” i was his. and he did doubt. he just said he thought i could have been my moms ex husbands.
You're both making assumptions about your financial arrangement without communicating at all. Playing something off as a joke when it doesn't go over well is also really poor communication. You're in a relationship, can't you have a conversation about it?
Thank you for the response. You're right, nothing changed about me, he changed his mind. I don't believe it's the first scenario, but the more I think about it, the second one makes sense.
I remember once I took a photo of my friends gf making out with someone else and the end result was I lost a friend. It’s a tough situation to bring bad news to someone who doesn’t want to hear it
Some of these comments are not it, taking all the accountability from the wife and trying to rugsweep it, because “you are so far in”. Your wife lied to you the entirety of your relationship, because she is a selfish AH that only cared about getting with you and not making an informed choice. She knew it would be a deal breaker, but “she loved you so much” aka I only cared about my wants and needs. Your feelings are 100% valid and she is the one that needs to make her self trustworthy again since you're looking to stay. She kept this from you for 12 years knowing it would impact your relationship, what else would she be keeping from you, because she doesn't ” want to lose you and she loves you so much” I am not saying she is cheating, but that's the type of logic they use to not confess, it's the logic of an untrustworthy partner.
Personally I'd be done I couldn't be someone with so little regard for me and my agency. Sleeping with someone my brother has been with is gross to me let alone being in a full blown relationship with them
if that makes you feel like it's a dealbreaker to date with someone that has it.
He doesnt
Thank you for your advice! I’ll keep that in mind. Talking to him about that would definitely ease my feelings a bit
Lol I love how you’re downvoted for saying she should do her fair share
Yeah, could be problems, you might want to discuss that you like to visit a counsellor with him as part of an assurance that this mutual kid will be safe. His reactions might be telling.