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I'd just say I won't take your sister with me, it was supposed to be a date for us not me to get to know your sis. There are other things and better ways for that. You don't know her and will take your buddy with you. It's sus if she will argue about that, it would be a red flag for me. But stand your ground, it's your choice who you take with you
Good bye! If she that reactive over something minor, then you dodged a bullet! If she wanted to end it and that was her escape goat, then she's immature and unable to communicate like an adult.
You’ve been together six months, be grateful they want you at any part of the day. It’s a family holiday, they want time with their kids. If you don’t manage this well, it will sour your relationship. Take your ego out and understand it’s nothing personal, it’s time for family and you’re not family.
It sounds like she is looking for a way to cause a relationship ending fight. She is trying to “rationalize” a way out where she isn't the bad guy.
This is not a healthy relationship.
I'd just stay in your own place now, unless you are saving money by moving in with him. In which case that's mutually beneficial. Asking to be out on the title to pay “rent” is way too much too soon.
Sorry, completely cold-hearted person here. Walk away.
What if he wasn't dying? How would you deal with him in that scenario?
You would not be “an asshole” if you walked away. He created this situation, not you
Don't approach this, jus leave go the other way.
Bruh, it’s ok to not be together. Shit doesn’t work out sometimes. You go be warm and she can stay for her family. If you stay together, one of you will be miserable and you won’t be together long anyway.
You should apologize to the girl’s parents. Really everyone at the wake. Even speaking to the truth, you added to their trauma. Anyone mourning the girl was affected by your comments. I’m an atheist but I like to use religious words. Perhaps you should do penance. Penance is different than improving yourself and different than punishment. It’s a self imposed selfless act that comes at a cost (money, time, etc). Volunteer at (or donate to) a children’s charity. Donate a bunch of children’s books to a library. If you can turn this bad thing into something good then maybe your weight will lighten.
I’ve been in a very similar situation and if you’re anything like me, the problem is that you’re failing to set boundaries and know your own limits. You can’t control what your wife does, so you need to control what you do.
I think a good first step would be to tell her that hearing about this is causing you worry and frustration because you don’t want to see her get hurt. Suggest that she speak with a therapist, instead of with you, when she wants to talk about the friend. The key points here are that you’re acknowledging your own limits, protecting your own mental health, and reducing strain in your marriage. Tell her that you always want to be there for her, but you’re only human and the feeling of worry and helplessness is starting to take a toll.
Your anger/contempt for her is your brain trying to protect you, because you’re beginning to perceive the pain and exhaustion caused by being there for her as a threat to your own wellbeing. If you take that seriously and show yourself empathy, your anger won’t be necessary anymore. You can protect yourself via directing empathy inward instead of directing anger outward.
Try to involve her in fun things, try to protect your own happiness, ask her not to allow the friend to encroach on your time together. I’m not an expert but this is the best method I’ve come up with to deal with similar situations in my life.
I’m definitely leaning toward breaking up right now. But coming to terms with throwing 5 years down the trash will take some time.
Please don’t ever look at situations like that. What you are thinking of is called as the ‘sunk cost fallacy’ or a ‘ gambler’s fallacy’. This is a fallacy where people think that they have invested so much time, so if they stop and walk away, they may be wasting all that efforts. The problem is that it is difficult to predict the future and for all you know the future may not get better. For e.g. the gambler may never get a lucky break. Please remember, the past behavior is a good predicator of the future behavior.
You know what would be even more difficult? Breaking up after six years. It’ll be even more so, when you are married with kids and have a huge mortgage.
Right now, instead of thinking that you and her are on the same team, she’s doing all this, despite the fact that you may not have given her any reasons to think so over the last five years. Remember, girlfriend/boyfriend are auditions for the role of fiancee and fiancee is an audition for the role of a spouse. At any stage, if the partner fails the audition, it should give you a pause and time to reevaluate the relationship.
You can still go and don’t see her. Go and explore and have fun
should we be calling the police? who's forcing you to be here and engage in this conversation?
Edited for readability:
This is all sort of a doozy, so apologies in advance for anything that doesn’t seem to make sense. It doesn’t really make sense to me, hence why I’m coming here and seeking advice on how to move past this. I have been with my husband (DH) for ten years, married for five. He introduced me to his extended family early on, making it clear that his uncles and aunts and cousins are all very important to him and that they are very close as a large family. From the beginning I’ve gotten along with every family member I’ve met—I’ve been sweet, beyond cordial, and the first one to offer to clean after a celebration or bring a dish to share for a party. Until about six week ago, I have had no real “drama” with any of these people. One cousin who is close in age to my husband and me, Marmot, is kind of a lot as a person—there is literally not a single person we mutually know who she hasn’t shit talked extensively to me and she’s done a few things to me (unexpectedly leaving me stuck with expensive restaurant and hotel bills costing me upwards of $2k) that have made me realize I cannot trust her fully. After I gently confronted her after the first incident, she lied to my face and refused to take any personal responsibility, so I quickly learned the smartest thing I can do is enjoy her company when it’s positive and understand she’ll never be a real friend. Marmot’s brother, Husband’s cousin Zebra, started dating a girl, Kangaroo, about four years ago. From the start Husband said she was trouble and emotionally manipulating the entire family, including Zebra. I was excited to potentially have a girlFRIEND in the family, so I pushed aside Husband’s warnings, and those of my close girlfriends, who also met her and said she was not a good person. She is hopelessly insecure and she and Zebra constantly lie to each other. Moreover, she has always battled with Zebra’s mom Lemur and his sister Marmot. I totally understand what it’s like to be in an enmeshed family, so whenever Kangaroo would vent to me about Lemur, I tried to be an open ear while also making it clear that I had never seen Lemur be anything but kind to her. When Marmot would come up in these (and this is probably my biggest error) vent sessions, I usually said nothing but once did mention that Marmot has hurt my feelings in the past, so I did understand that she was in a tough place. Six weeks ago, about a week after I had casual drinks with Kangaroo and mostly chatted about potential wedding plans, Zebra called Husband screaming that I ruined his life. According to him, I… Told Kangaroo that Zebra routinely hung out with an ex of his Baited Kangaroo into talking shit about Marmot and Lemur, and that actually she loved them until I tried to convince her they were evil Have had secret meetings with Marmot and Lemur, which Marmot confirmed, to specifically talk shit about and make them hate Kangaroo Literally none of it’s true. I am far from a perfect human and am willing to take personal responsibility when it’s time, but these are all lies. Thankfully I have an amazing husband and Husband told Zebra to fuck off with his lies. Zebra ended the call saying it was all really unfortunate, because he liked me, and he wanted Husband and him to “be cool” again. Husband reiterated that anyone who made up or was complicit in lies about his wife was not welcome in his life. I got a text from Marmot a few days later saying that I betrayed her and to not contact her for several months and “maybe” we can work this out then. Her mother Lemur who cried to me at my rehearsal dinner thanking me for what I’ve done for the family and father Pangolin, who told Husband he gives him more respect than his own son, have totally ghosted us. Typing all of this out seems to make it clear that these people are absolutely nuts. They’re known liars, and this time they’re lying at and about me. And yet I’m having so much trouble letting go. These are people I’ve had fun with, shared holiday memories with, had at my wedding. I’ve never been treated like this and I’m having trouble coping and moving on. HELP!!
She should also go see a doctor
As soon as I see 0 comment karma when I click someone's username…after 12 hours of it being posted.. I assume it's fake or we're not getting the full story.
Don't drive exhausted people.
He bubble needs to be burst, immediately.
Trying new things is all about finding what you like. You aren't into this, so let him know. Don't tell him you find it disturbing or disgusting. Just say “this isn't doing it for me, let's try x next”
That’s not that much older. Right now the gap is definitely there but only because you are so young.
Dumping shitty men gets easier with practice, like anything. Gotta start somewhere
It's weird to keep reposting this.