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“So we waited until I was 18 to make things official.”
Yeah, this is all that needs to be said.
Okay, so let’s be clear.
She’s been grooming you since you were 13 and she was an adult. Having sex with you since you were 16 and she was 21. No normal adult wants this. No normal 18 year old wants a 13 year old.
She’s pressuring you into something that is a bad idea and not what you want, for her own satisfaction over an arbitrary age goal she’s set for herself.
She said it’s either you or someone else. Not only does she not care about you or marrying you specifically, but she’s pressuring a barely adult teenager into sacrificing for marriage.
She’s a groomer, a predator, and sees you as someone easy to manipulate into doing what she wants no matter the cost to you. Is this the life you want to commit to?
every man in the comments is ignoring the fact that you said this has been going on for multiple years. ed happens and it sucks but theres plenty you can do about it. its been going on for years and you havent done anything, now youre on here crying about how you doing nothing about it is preventing your girlfriend from being sexually satisfied in yalls relationship. if you want to keep her, do something about it. if not then break up with her. for most woman sex is important, but there are women for whom sex or even just piv sex is not important or a deal breaker.
I agree , I’d dump my gf if she had a sexual dysfunction as well
Yeah I’m with your gf— the friend asking you to buy her a sex toy and you doing so would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Just completely inappropriate. Every friendship should have healthy boundaries. You severely lack those.
You follow each other on Instagram and you don’t know if she’s single? Weird…
Also, you sure you wanna date your dentist? I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable doing naughty stuff with my dentist… ? I mean, she was already “deep inside me”, get my drift? But people have weird kinks these days…
I could never. Sorry lol. If it’s to not get laid, I’d be single. If you can’t put out at least 4 times a week (and that’s being modest) then I can’t and WONT date you. These people are crazy staying in these sexless relationships. That’s not normal. NOT HEALTHY!
What she said made no sense too. By her standards I should never have to pee again bc I did it a lot when I was younger…. ??
Nonsense.
You seriously need therapy or counselling to help you move on
If you try to keep contacting you he will hate you more and more
I would have a restraining order against you by now as you are harassing him
Stop texting him and let him do his stupid teenage shit
It's his life and you have no right to it saddly
Exactly!
I'd suggest therapy. You're obviously still processing trauma involved in your leaked nudes from when you were a minor.
I am sorry. It does suck. Having anxiety about this is understandable, but the only thing you can do is to handle your anxiety, because unfortunately there's nothing you can do to force him if he won't respect you enough to honor your request to delete them.
A therapist can help.
Welp you have learned a lesson for the next one; don't wait a long time to make things official.
When anti choice men get what they want. Girl block, lawyer up, enforce a no contact. Sucks to be him
That is not true. While there are more resources available to women and mothers, and men are not allowed in certain shelters, there are male shelters exclusively too, depending on where you are. There are also homeless shelters — a lot of these social services operate within one another so men do have access to these services but are statistically less likely to use them.
It may be dirty talk or a form of sexual degrading. But sexual degrading doesn't mean they mean the insult, it's a power play thing.
However, he should of asked about it before hand to see if you would of liked it. I don't think he meant it in a rude way. It is a kink that should of been brought up
This isn’t just not liking you. This is a systematic and abusive attempt to tear down your self worth. You deserve better. So much better.
Well, I brought it up again recently and he told me he would eventually resent me if I don’t allow him to watch porn prior to us having sex as it’s his kink.
You don't have to like or support his kinks. And he's an ass to try forcing them on you. Frankly, he sounds like he's a porn addict and just grasping at straws.
This is a situation where y'all aren't compatible. It's okay to have boundaries. And you probably need to break up.
Bullying, badmouthing and contemptuously trampling their dignity as a joke is not how you treat someone you “love and adore”.
Honestly it’s about breaking away as clean as you can and not having extra drama.
What if you had a daughter with this woman? What would she be willing to do, or let her father do, to your child?
Sorry that you are going through that OP.
She had/has an EA ( emotional affair). It is as damaging as a PA ( physical affair). The character of this EA is gross ( DOM/SUB ) You don’t have any assurance that the affair is over or there won’t be another cycle of cheating OP.
Your wife has tasted the forbidden fruit. She is a wayward now She has changed.
The old relationship is on life support now and you have changed too.
Speaking bluntly OP, You are handling it poorly and dangerously.
1) tell the truth, regardless of your decision ( reconciliation or divorce) . If you can’t tell the truth then you won’t be able to handle the pressure of reconciliation. She must own the guilt and shame of her actions and you must own and defend your position to reconcile with your wayward. Don’t bear her shame as it will eat you alive.
2) stay civil and cordial at all times. She is a wayward, you don’t need false accusations of DV. some wayward partner used the anger of their betrayed spouse to trap them and depict them as controlling, abusive persons. External observer don’t know the truth and don’t know that you are traumatized now thus her allegations will seem plausible.
3) there was no accountability or consequences to her cheating. You just transformed into a jailor/ probation officer. You immediately moved to reconciliation. It Is counterproductive. R is a gift ?, not an obligation and not her right. What did she do to deserve it? What you are doing is at best rug sweeping. It is like giving pain killer for a festering wound.
4) did you protect yourself legally and financially by consulting a lawyer and separating your finance? Filing for divorce and separating the finance gives a clear signal that all the options are on the table and the reconciliation window won’t stay open eternally.
5) if you can’t leave her than your reconciliation is already compromised OP. You must be able to leave all to have it all. Otherwise, your wayward will feel your weakness and you will be exposed to another cycle of cheating
6) Did you Go to IC, did you read infidelity materials? Don’t underestimate your trauma, therapy and reading is a must to help you navigate this ordeal.
Sorry to remind you another time about the gravity of your situation, time is of the essence and you are still in limbo OP
We gonna ignore the fact that her crying makes op feel like a second option or not good enough?
You know what? It’s normal for teenagers to develop inappropriate crushes. But that’s when you- the ADULT- steps up and doesn’t cross that line. You’re NASTY. I am 26 and the thought of anyone under 23 makes me feel disgusting. He was a CHILD. All I can hope is he cheats on you with someone who isn’t a fucking predator and takes your daughter with him. You let your loneliness get so out of hand that you took advantage of a teenagers stupid crush. One day when you don’t have a son or a husband I hope you can realize that you’re a vile person. Hopefully you won’t shop around for your next boyfriend in the local high school
You know, I've thought of doing this but I tend to come off as aggressive even when I don't mean to (I remove people from places for a living). Because I usually come off as aggressive even when I'm not meaning to (have had multiple partners, men and women tell me this) howw would you approach this conversation?
Of course, they will probably break up, most couples eventually break up.
Just…wow. She thinks her outburst was justified? That’s such a problem. A red flag factory. Want to take bets on how she’ll be treating you in another 10 months or so?
Don’t move in with her.
I tried to be clear with this is in the post. The LGBTQ topic was never an issue that was brought up until recently. For the last year or two, it's always been trying to get me to leave because this leader said this, or this is historically inaccurate here, etc. The LGBTQ topic has never changed how I felt about her and we both knew she was Bi before we were married. I'm absolutely okay, but she today lashed out having a problem with a church that won't officiate “non-traditional” marriages in their buildings.
I went to counseling to work on communication and helping us work on meeting each other's needs. These topics are the core of our marriage problems, not an LGBTQ stance. If the LGBTQ stance was the core problem, then I've been lied to for our whole marriage.
Exactly. No need to make things complicated. Ask the mom if her husband was being creepy.
Exactly, like are we 10! What a juvenile excuse! Smh…of all the excuses, this is the best he could have done? No restaurants etc to go to? Like come on dude, you're almost 50!
Op, get the STD test done while leaving this pathetic person.
Nobody other than her can give you the clarity that you want, but if she isn’t willing to talk to you about it then you’re out of luck.
Sounds like your best bet is to simply learn to coexist.
It’s so infuriating that he’s put you in a position to look like a busy body and escalate things. I understand having issues with that working in a male dominated field myself.
At this point, I would block him on social media and grey rock. If he asks why he’s blocked, lie and say you’ve deactivated your account. If he looks into that further, good. Now he can get the message. Very minimal, boring responses when he stops for conversation. Make your disinterest incredibly clear, be boring. Don’t look up from your work when addressing him. Any questions about attitude can be met with “I’m just very busy right now, thanks.”
Your manager witnessed his comments about your looks. I really think you should bring it up with him to cover your ass, this doesn’t have to make waves. “Hey, just giving you a heads up that I’ve had to shut down DoucheBagMcgee down a lot lately. He’s made a lot of comments about my looks and keeps trying to get me to meet him after work even though Ive politely declined multiple times. I may be a bit cold but amicable towards him to really get the message across and I just didn’t want that slight change in attitude to set off any alarm bells for you if I didn’t fill you in.”
I did not even read your whole post. Absolutely yes! Why not? Do you want to listen to that for the rest of your life? Next thing you know she'll be calling your pets her fur babies. And that would make ME absolutely insane. Your mileage may vary. why bother to marry someone if you can't tell them to quit calling you a creepy nickname. Settle in. You'll have more controversial shit than that to talk about soon.
Your husband only wants you to have a happiness he envisions and approves of. Seeing you happy on your own accord is what is making him so unhappy. He can’t control this and it’s killing him.
Dude leave her immediately, there’s no salvaging the relationship and you’ll never be able to forget her getting her back blown out on video.
Are you still struggling with mental health? Are you still lost distance?
Then let's talk about a separate huge issue? He's a scumbag. You miss someone who's a confirmed liar cheater? Oddly enough he told you he did but didn't care, yet you were good with that?
You know, it changes you when someone verbally abuses you and demeans you constantly. I was so anxious and panicky all the time I got down to 105 pounds. I would try and fight back sometimes but then he would gaslight me and say I was being abusive. For instance, one time I grabbed his leather jacket when he was yelling in my face, it ripped the lapel, and then that was his go-to during conflicts for the next couple months… he would say I wasnt a real woman because I couldn’t afford to buy him another $1,000 designer leather jacket. So, my flight response kicked in and I started to run out of the house in my pajamas with no shoes on in the snow and hide on the side of the house just to get the hell away from him. It was traumatic and I’m still in therapy a decade later. You just don’t know how you’re gonna react until you’re in that situation. I was just as angry as you imagine yourself being, but being verbally abused I destroyed my self-worth. I am just glad I got out after less than two years.
A very common and toxic manipulation tactic.