Helping somebody through tough times is one thing but being in a relationship where you have to save somebody isn’t healthy and it won’t end well for any party involved. She needs professional help the boyfriend can’t facilitate.
You are considering talking with him about it, what do you want from this conversation? What would be an outcome if he tells you he's into such stuff?
Also you already destroyed his trust by snooping without any reason. Did you thought about where that need came from? Did you take any lessons from that?
Here's your problem – “obv i said yes”. It's staggeringly clear to everyone but you that you and this person aren't a good match together. If she's asexual/aromantic she doesn't even want any of the things you want. What's “going on” is that you're twisting yourself into knots over someone who simply isn't datable, by anyone. You can't lose something you never really had. Good luck.
Well, you really like this person. And that's great. You're in the cupcake phase of a potential lover. But if you overdo it, it can come off in a really obsessive way and you could wind up losing her. You have all the time in the world, so just take it slow and don't be too clingy. Make her reach out to you first sometimes. Let her reciprocate.
So … does he still have these photos or did he delete them? Did your wife ask for them to be deleted or did she just go to “let’s forget this happened and move on?
One of two things happening.
Best case: what your friend told you is the truth.
Worst case: you’ve caught them in the middle of an emotional affair that may or may not be physical.
Either way your friendship cannot continue. You cannot stay friends with this man and neither can your wife. If she pushes back on that then the likelihood of the second scenario being true is higher.
After that I’d be talking to your wife. Ask her why she took those pictures. She’s an adult. She must know that them ending up on his phone looks suspicious as hell. Ask to see her messages. Depending on how much you want to push things ask her if she’ll let you install recovery software to bring back deleted messages and see what her reaction is. Discuss the marriage. Are there problems? Is she happy? Is there something she needs to tell you? If something’s been happening then this may make reassess things and she may come clean.
That’s what I would probably do in this situation. Others will tell you not to confront but to monitor the situation. Gather evidence if you suspect an affair is happening. The downside to that approach is you may have caught things at the start of the affair and have a chance to nip it in the bud. If you wait and they are having an affair, your marriage may not be salvageable. I guess ultimately it’s what you want, save things if an affair is going on, or confirm she’s cheating so you can leave.
Also who would bother hacking a tinder account? Fakes and catfishes are already crazy in live! dating. Who would waste time breaking into an account when you can just make one to scam others with?
So your friend is in a marriage where she has been cheated on, decides to stay with him although he has disrespected her so many times, and your husband tells you that she is the cheater? I do think your friend is making a bad decision by staying and being a caretaker for this man who forced her hand. Going back to your husband, I do agree that their situation is a dumpster fire, but your friend didn't initiate it, and making you choose shows that he has some misogyny in him. Does he think it is okay that her husband cheated on her and triggered this whole dumpster fire? Like is it okay when it's a man doing it?
You and I both know why this is happening. If you truly did not want her to kiss you then you would not let her kiss you. The truth is that you know that this situation is wrong. And you know that she's using you.
Are you afraid to bring this up because you fear things may truly be over?
It's perfectly reasonable for your girlfriend to want her partner to be her equal and to be driven career wise. It's also perfectly reasonable to not have it completely together at 23. You are just at different stages in your life right now.
Personally, I don't think door dash is a career. You have the potential to do better than that, even with a “history degree that you don't know what do do with”. Take some time and do some soul searching. Figure out what you want to do and make a plan. Don't do it for her, but do it for yourself and your future. You shouldn't spend your life doing door dash. She will either stay with you for the journey and you will grow together as people or she will move on. You are both young and will find other partners if this doesn't work out.
Helping somebody through tough times is one thing but being in a relationship where you have to save somebody isn’t healthy and it won’t end well for any party involved. She needs professional help the boyfriend can’t facilitate.
You are considering talking with him about it, what do you want from this conversation? What would be an outcome if he tells you he's into such stuff?
Also you already destroyed his trust by snooping without any reason. Did you thought about where that need came from? Did you take any lessons from that?
Whoa, i did not do anything. I just showed up for a meeting. Did not know she was married. Nor i have made any advances.
Here's your problem – “obv i said yes”. It's staggeringly clear to everyone but you that you and this person aren't a good match together. If she's asexual/aromantic she doesn't even want any of the things you want. What's “going on” is that you're twisting yourself into knots over someone who simply isn't datable, by anyone. You can't lose something you never really had. Good luck.
Well, you really like this person. And that's great. You're in the cupcake phase of a potential lover. But if you overdo it, it can come off in a really obsessive way and you could wind up losing her. You have all the time in the world, so just take it slow and don't be too clingy. Make her reach out to you first sometimes. Let her reciprocate.
You think it’s acceptable to have a GF that would go, otherwise you would choose someone you feel more comfortable dating.
You aren’t forced to date her. Pick someone that reflects your values.
So … does he still have these photos or did he delete them? Did your wife ask for them to be deleted or did she just go to “let’s forget this happened and move on?
One of two things happening.
Best case: what your friend told you is the truth.
Worst case: you’ve caught them in the middle of an emotional affair that may or may not be physical.
Either way your friendship cannot continue. You cannot stay friends with this man and neither can your wife. If she pushes back on that then the likelihood of the second scenario being true is higher.
After that I’d be talking to your wife. Ask her why she took those pictures. She’s an adult. She must know that them ending up on his phone looks suspicious as hell. Ask to see her messages. Depending on how much you want to push things ask her if she’ll let you install recovery software to bring back deleted messages and see what her reaction is. Discuss the marriage. Are there problems? Is she happy? Is there something she needs to tell you? If something’s been happening then this may make reassess things and she may come clean.
That’s what I would probably do in this situation. Others will tell you not to confront but to monitor the situation. Gather evidence if you suspect an affair is happening. The downside to that approach is you may have caught things at the start of the affair and have a chance to nip it in the bud. If you wait and they are having an affair, your marriage may not be salvageable. I guess ultimately it’s what you want, save things if an affair is going on, or confirm she’s cheating so you can leave.
Good luck.
Also who would bother hacking a tinder account? Fakes and catfishes are already crazy in live! dating. Who would waste time breaking into an account when you can just make one to scam others with?
So your friend is in a marriage where she has been cheated on, decides to stay with him although he has disrespected her so many times, and your husband tells you that she is the cheater? I do think your friend is making a bad decision by staying and being a caretaker for this man who forced her hand. Going back to your husband, I do agree that their situation is a dumpster fire, but your friend didn't initiate it, and making you choose shows that he has some misogyny in him. Does he think it is okay that her husband cheated on her and triggered this whole dumpster fire? Like is it okay when it's a man doing it?
Let's be honest with each other here my friend.
You and I both know why this is happening. If you truly did not want her to kiss you then you would not let her kiss you. The truth is that you know that this situation is wrong. And you know that she's using you.
Are you afraid to bring this up because you fear things may truly be over?
Don't go. This is a weird expectation he has. You did the right thing asking the babysitter. You are not an asshole at all.
It's perfectly reasonable for your girlfriend to want her partner to be her equal and to be driven career wise. It's also perfectly reasonable to not have it completely together at 23. You are just at different stages in your life right now.
Personally, I don't think door dash is a career. You have the potential to do better than that, even with a “history degree that you don't know what do do with”. Take some time and do some soul searching. Figure out what you want to do and make a plan. Don't do it for her, but do it for yourself and your future. You shouldn't spend your life doing door dash. She will either stay with you for the journey and you will grow together as people or she will move on. You are both young and will find other partners if this doesn't work out.
Make your own decision and not date him.
Why do you want to hold him accountable and not yourself?
Why are you bothering? What do you think it's going to accomplish? You know what he is. Either get up the gumption to end the marriage, or accept it.
If you're taking psychiatric drugs, that might be doing it.
Yo he got a side piece goin