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On the other hand, there isn't any way for a man to remove their doubt ever.
In all honesty, I think testing should be mandatory after birth, considering the amount of fraudulent stuff happening.
If it's mandatory, no one will feel betrayed or left behind.
He didn’t know it hurt until I spoke to him. I’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past so I have a hard time not having the mentality where I feel like it’s not my responsibility to satisfy him. But I never told him that so you bring up a good point I’ll tell them that so he knows to check in on me more during sex.
I was only being mean to drive the point home. You need to dwell in this sorrow for a while and understand it.
This is the challenging part:
How should i talk to her about it without reminding her about the hurtfulness of it? Honestly asking if there would be a good way to address the topic.
You're going to have a lot of hard conversations coming your way, but the more you have them, the easier they will become. Unfortunately, she will need to be reminded of that pain if she is to get past it.
You're going to operate as therapy sessions for each-other. And how do you deal with trauma? You talk it out and bring awareness to it, you don't ignore it. Obviously, you need to know when its appropriate to back off on the topic, you should know her well enough to know when it's time to ease up. She doesn't need the constant reminder, but you need to be an outlet for her when she dumps a load on you.
If she needs space, you give it to her.
But yeah, you two are in for a bumpy ride. It might do your reletionship some good if you talk to her about you wanting to fix your mistake and how you want to go about it. Presenting some genuine evidence that you're going to put into the work.
You let her know that it will take a long time to earn back her trust, but you want to win it back. What are some things that you can do to achieve that.
And it would also be good to know when to keep it light and when to make it heavy. Right now, she's probably in pain so you're probably best to keep it serious but light until she can handle a conversation with depth.
I am worried that you are trying to hard to be what he wants in a girlfriend. If it was a healthy relationship all he would want in a girlfriend is YOU. He should be choosing you not making up a role in his head of what he wants a girlfriend to be and trying to push you into this mould he created in his mind. Don’t try to be the cool girlfriendTM. It doesn’t work. No matter how much you force yourself to be someone else, cut down the parts that make you you, it still won’t be enough. You will wake up years later not even knowing who you are but knowing that you can’t lose anymore of yourself so you will have to lose him. Save yourself a bunch of trauma and lose him now so you can retain yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one. Don’t forsake it so easily.
Preach sister.
She deserves someone who will also ghost for weeks when one of their exes gets engaged, has kids, takes a vacation, eats at their former restaurant, etc. It’s good because she’ll understand what they’re going through. Hope she finds exactly what she’s looking for!
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It was his birthday and he was kinda drunk. End of the night we were laying there and I brought up having sex and he started talking about it like it was food or something.
Like he was saying how he feels like he could be in the mood for something but he doesn’t know what. He said he was too tired to put in any effort. He then asked me to suck his dick and I do for like 5 minutes and he lets out a deep breath. Not one of pleasure more just tiredness and asked if I could hold him and he wants to sleep.
Now I’m insecure that I was doing something wrong because he’s NEVER said no before and that whole thing was weird. Like even if he was a bit drunk I never thought he’d turn down sex.
She’s either super insecure or she’s cheated/cheating and is projecting
If it weren't for this major issue between them that broke all their trust and shattered all desire, would he be with someone he was happy with before that thing happened? It'd almost be weirder to say no. It's probably not particularly logical of you to be upset by. And it definitely wasn't fair of you to ask a questing you wanted an honest reply to and then get upset at him honestly answering your question. Should he lie to you or plead the fifth in future?
What you haven't mentioned is whether you've had a conversation about how much he brings up his ex. It clearly makes you feel insecure. Does he know? Have you asked him to reduce it? I assume they were together for a while, it's not that unusual if she's related to lots of things in his mind – but if he knew it bothered you, he could choose not to mention every time he thinks of her. It souilike ypu haven't complained – possibly even have slightly encouraged it – so he doesn't think there's an issue, and now he thinks you're upset out of the blue.
OP you are bonkers if you think this ok
I invited her and wanted to see her she said that tho then i did my thing then she resorts to “ill find a new years guy to kiss”?
He is pushing it this much because he can sense that you will take it.
If the 2 of you can't afford to buy a $30k house, you should not buy a $30k house. There are other options.
Both of you together need to sit down with a qualified financial advisor – one who understands dynamics of needing to support family in a different country – to see in black and white what you can and cannot afford with regards to sending money back home, supporting your own lives here, etc.