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Cora, 25 y.o.
Location: Colorado, United States
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Well, first come, first serve.
Yeah I agree. It happens all the time and he definitely has shown some small progress, but tbh it’s just not enough
I probably would too. But not if they acted like i owed it to them.
Worst part is even with all that I was still willing to work on all that with her but apparently it was impossible to want to he intimate with me even though we dated for 9 months
This incident was just the breaking point. I’m not talking abt random men, I’m talking about male friends. Maybe I’m just too drunk and a bit frustrated, also I have nothing to lose by putting up a Reddit post.
Are you trying to train an AI bot to sound more believable or something? You must have posted some variation of this 40 times by now.
Um, yes it does.
I’m a woman. I’ve been there. Many of us have. When your in love you wear rose coloured glasses. Often the realisations only set it when your articulating the situation to your friends (or reddit!). You might reflect and think you haven’t really been truthful to your friends/family about the situation. I’ve been married for over a decade. Let me tell you: the first year is supposed to be roses, not repetitive arguments and def not repetitive arguments over the same thing. It’s the honeymoon. If there are substantive issues in that time period it only ever gets worse. Also: after a year you don’t know someone well enough to move in.
He is insulting you – YOU’RE emotional because your a girl. He is a logical and intellectual man who is so graciously going to try to learn how to “deal” with you, a mere emotional girl. If he doesn’t have basic empathy and communication/relationship skills at his age it’s unlikely to get better in the next year.
He treats you well but describes you as emotional – bc your a girl. He is touchy/feels on you because he gets sex babe. Men are often handsy even if they don’t really like the girl. I’m not saying he doesn’t like/love you. But this is what it’s like to be loved by him. Is this good enough for you? Is that how you want to live ? Once you live together there is no break, no few days to cool off. Your constantly together. It’s only for when you have a super solid relationship. You don’t have to break up (but I 100% think you should because that much work 1 year in is ridiculous) but you cannot move in with this man. The relationship is not ready and honestly his assholery is likley to escalate and you will be trapped in a lease.
She was unaware that I would be getting cash from a different rainy day fund that we both knew about,
I only used $20
I initially told her I had used $40 from this other rainy day fund without telling her I had done so.
She proclaimed that she hadn't made a mistake in counting and then began to accuse me of taking $40 from the savings account we both share.
Wait, am I reading this right?
You took $20 from Tip Jar A, but you told your wife you took $40 from Tip Jar B (the shared savings jar.)
Then, she counted Tip Jar B and said “I just counted up and you took $40 from B” and got mad at you.
Then, you told her “actually I took $20 from Tip Jar A, not $40 from B”. Did I misunderstand something here?
You can still live at home and learn about how much toilet paper costs. You should be going grocery shopping with your family and learning life math. Personally I think there is nothing wrong with living at home, especially in this economy. My kids are teenagers and I sure as hell teach them life math. Budgets are important, the most important. Your family are babying you and she has a right to be concerned. I can see why she is very concerned. I wouldnt want the burden of doing all the budgeting in my household. I was doing that at her age when in a relationship cause my ex was dumb with money (still is dumb with money). Here I will give you a comparison from my life. I make about 40k a year, have 2 kids, budget all my bills and pay them in advance, own my home (100k left on mortgage) and Im mid 30's. My Ex husband, he has 2 kids with his current gf living in his household, between him and his gf they make about 130k – 150k, they have debts and the gf went bankrupt, they are doing shit like lip filler and buying cars (which only depreciate in value), they rent (and a pretty crappy rental at that). See how learning to budget and live as an adult makes a difference just from an example from my life? I dont know your location but where I on-line some organizations run free budgeting courses, I would suggest you attend them. Its super crazy you dont know how much toilet paper costs (unless you use a bidet)
Ditch this loser, ditch the horrible girl who pretended to be a friend and go live your best life. Your love, time and attention are worth so much better that this.
And for what it’s worth: the next time a person says they’re interested in having multiple partners, feel free to respond “…And I’ve always been interested in shitting directly into a person’s open mouth while they sleep. Can we do my fantasy first?” ?
So stop being baby boomer condescending and give OP some actual advice.
If all you have is “pick yourself up by your bootstraps”, you're of no help.
I'm not suggesting you do sit around, but if it happens that you are single and she becomes single and she calls? Well. What a happy coincidence.
Its not healthy to want a relationship because you think that's the only way to be happy. That sort of sounds like where you are at. Instead, you want to be happy single and want a relationship to become happier.
Take some time to think about who you are right now and who you eventually want to be. Realistically. Go through the thought process of getting from point A to point B.
Don't necessarily think about meeting women, think about meeting people. Start with where you work. Just look for ways to get out of the house and around people. Talk to people. What do they do with their lives after work? Married with kids? Need a baby sitter? Golf? Need a guy to drive the cart? Get out there and make contact with people. Some of that will become friendship. Some of those friends may have sisters, friends, etc… that they can eventually introduce you to. It's a process though…
You literally say in your post that your sister dump him after 8 months because he got someone else pregnant.
What happened to the kid?
You got scared to tell your partner you passed out from the heat?!?!
You are not in a good relationship. They are controlling, or wanting to control, every aspect of your life, and gaslighting you on the way making you feel like it WAS your fault.
It's never your fault. Please leave him.