You have a brave husband, therapy for him might be needed but all you can really do is stand by his side until he sees that you love him and he is wrong.
He feels bad for getting beat up, maybe it’s his age and back in the day he was a scrapper?
Either way, your a good wife to be understanding and all you can do is try therapy and be there for him.
You've fallen for the sunk cost fallacy. I know how hot it can be to leave a relationship you've put so much effort into, but your boyfriend clearly doesn't care about you the way you care about him. And if he hasn't picked up on that on his own, then your relationship already has an expiration date.
It's your choice whether you end things now and hurt a little, vs ending things 5 years down the rode and hurt much more.
Drugs and addiction make people do messed up stuff. When addicted, whatever it takes to get more feels like survival. What would you do to stay alive? What you're describing are relapses and she needs help. Instead of calling this cheating and making it about your doomed relationship, “I love you and my focus is your life right now.” I'd strongly suggest you put the focus on her health, safety, and sobriety. Her life is on the line.
What a loser. He doesn't need to satisfy you completely. Don't tell him that. He needs to see it as a tool. And get a lovense so he can control it remotely
Sometimes when we’re kids, we make friends with people because they share the same favorite color or the same favorite tv show. We feel a sense of connection based on something trivial.
Then over time, we become attached to the length of the relationship and remembering this person being there during momentous life events (graduation, breakups, your parents’ divorce, etc.) so you assign more meaning to the relationship.
Then you grow up and realize that they’re just trash.
If I wasn’t clear- this woman isn’t someone worth knowing. It’s hot to judge character as a child, but now you know.
I did. Like a complete asshole I went so far as to take her to Planned Parenthood and pressured her to get it. She came back out an hour later, only with a paper stating that she was 3 weeks pregnant. She was apologizing the whole time while telling me she couldn't go through with it. I just accepted it then and there, thinking that in the eyes of my God, I did what I could and the rest is out of my hands. . . (Agnostic now btw, not that it's relevant, or is? idk…)
It’s almost like she sobers up and is embarrassed by her drunk sexting so she gets mean?
Yep and also maybe it’s that she’s embarrassed that she wants more with you, but you only want to be friends, so she’s mean as a way to reject you back.
Don’t stay. It won’t matter if they stop being friends, if you never talk to him, etc. he will always bring it up. My husband is just like this. He asks questions for answers he doesn’t really want. Then throws those answers back in my face whenever he wants to start an argument. Insecure people will always bring it back to you and how it’s your fault, how you must be cheating with him, and I won’t be surprised if he asks you to compare the two of them. If you do stay and he does that, that is your sign to leave.
In North America that used to be a super offensive insult in the first half of the 20th century. For example, around the time of world war 2 or so, if you insulted a man's parents, that would have been worth punchin over. In Mexico and central America, it depends on how you word it and what you say. You could call somone's mother ugly or lazy, but you don't call her
Then it started becoming kind of a joking insult among young, poor teenagers in the 1960's and 1970's. That is, a way to “roast” your friends in a joking way. Then some comedians and hip-hop musicians started picking it up
Tell your friend you don't blame him for not knowing, but in most Asian cultures if you insult somone's parents or their family name, they're likely to kick you a few times or spit in your face then tell you you're a dog. Then tell him you'd like an apology.
Hey OP, sounds like you have some unresolved feelings for your first love. I get that you want to have a normal life, but you can’t force yourself to be with someone you don’t really love. That’s not fair to your current BF or yourself. If you really want to give your first love a chance, you need to break up with your BF first. Don’t cheat on him or string him along. Be honest and respectful. Then, talk to your first love and see if he feels the same way. Maybe he’s moved on, maybe he hasn’t. But you won’t know unless you try.
Have you asked to go with her or has she otherwise invited you? Have you shared your concerns for her safety with her? Communicate! Your concerns are all valid; if she makes a fuss about not wanting you to come I think that's a major red flag.
Sure, but you didn’t give us all the info either. What you said in your post just sounds like two people being overly boisterous in their workplace. Now you say he looks at you on sm and calls you flirty nicknames, so that puts an extra layer to it. From what you say in your post you appear to be responding to and participating and liking what he’s doing, but I’d just say that men that age, especially if they’re married or in a committed relationship, will often “flirt” like that with people they consider “safe”, without any intention of following through on it.
You don’t have to accept his past sexual behavior. Particularly where it indicates he will likely not be a faithful partner. Your feelings are justified.
It’s all good girl. We’ve all made mistakes. Trust your gut, you know you deserve a lot better than this. I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the only aspect of your relationship where he treats you disrespectfully.
1) No offense but you're a terrible parent. Not saying you're a bad *person* in any way but when it comes to teaching, leadership, etc, you get an F minus. There is no fixing this at 19.
2) There is no way to force her compliance in your house. She already knows she can walk all over you, she knows you have no backbone, she's got 19 years of history you're not going to challenge it at this point without going nuclear.
The answer is to let her go be homeless for a month or two. Let her experience the actual adult world and go couch surf. Tell her like, she's welcome at home but she will only be welcome at home if she does what you tell her. That she is no longer a child in your house who is your responsibility to take care of and if she is not going to take adult responsibilty seriously then she can go hang out with her friends and figure out her own life and her own money away from you and come back if she fucks it up so bad that she's willing to do what she gets told until she gets her shit together.
I'm going to be super blunt. You did not prepare your daughter for adult life and her adult life is going to suck for a long time because of it and so far as I am concerned, as a parent myself, it is entirely your fault. 19 year olds are children with adult freedoms. The fact that she's not following your lead means that you offered no real lead to follow, and there's no undoing that.
Throw her out for some sink or swim, and tell her very clearly as you do it this isn't anger or hate or revenge, this is teaching. She is not going to learn the world is serious and to take it seriously until she goes out and experiences it so tell her yeah, she's now homeless until she gets her shit in order and takes the gift of your continued help in her adulthood dead serious and starts doing what she's told as long as she expects room in your house.
And then you get to try to figure out how to lead well enough if she does follow your lead not to destroy the adult relationship! Because she's not a child and even if she has to do what she's told it has to be told to her through an adult frame of reference you can't disrespect her by treating her like a child, you have to address her as an adult and still get her to follow.
Good luck personally I think you ruined your kid and there's no coming back from it.
I am not even Asian but have seen this same routine played on Asian ladies I know. Even just here, you see Asian ladies writing here because they suddenly realize they just married a misogynist that is starting to realize the Asian lady wasn’t exactly the submissive he assumed.
Well I mean, she's not in a relationship with them, is she? That would be impossible. The fictional character doesn't actually exist, or even know your wife exists. It sounds like she needs to see a doctor.
You have a brave husband, therapy for him might be needed but all you can really do is stand by his side until he sees that you love him and he is wrong.
He feels bad for getting beat up, maybe it’s his age and back in the day he was a scrapper?
Either way, your a good wife to be understanding and all you can do is try therapy and be there for him.
That's exactly what he wanted.
You've fallen for the sunk cost fallacy. I know how hot it can be to leave a relationship you've put so much effort into, but your boyfriend clearly doesn't care about you the way you care about him. And if he hasn't picked up on that on his own, then your relationship already has an expiration date.
It's your choice whether you end things now and hurt a little, vs ending things 5 years down the rode and hurt much more.
Drugs and addiction make people do messed up stuff. When addicted, whatever it takes to get more feels like survival. What would you do to stay alive? What you're describing are relapses and she needs help. Instead of calling this cheating and making it about your doomed relationship, “I love you and my focus is your life right now.” I'd strongly suggest you put the focus on her health, safety, and sobriety. Her life is on the line.
Let it go. It was 7 years ago and he’s still with you and wanting to marry YOU. Don’t dwell in the past
This guy is an absolute tool, once you said “high value man” I called it and reading the rest only solidified that knowledge.
It sounds like she blocked you for the best….So time to move on.
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Bruh
Honestly I don’t see the issue with grower not a shower? I love putting a tiny flaccid dick in my mouth and waiting for it to grow ?♀️
I wonder if it’s like a camaraderie thing?
I just wanted to vent and hear other opinions
What a loser. He doesn't need to satisfy you completely. Don't tell him that. He needs to see it as a tool. And get a lovense so he can control it remotely
That is fine just remember, communication is key
Dude humans are not robots.
I'd tell my first kiss was awful for the other person. They dident know and they thought I was just bad at it lmao
What a stupid thing to do. If you want your woman to want, and enjoy, sex with you then you need to make her feel sexy.
Sometimes when we’re kids, we make friends with people because they share the same favorite color or the same favorite tv show. We feel a sense of connection based on something trivial.
Then over time, we become attached to the length of the relationship and remembering this person being there during momentous life events (graduation, breakups, your parents’ divorce, etc.) so you assign more meaning to the relationship.
Then you grow up and realize that they’re just trash.
If I wasn’t clear- this woman isn’t someone worth knowing. It’s hot to judge character as a child, but now you know.
I did. Like a complete asshole I went so far as to take her to Planned Parenthood and pressured her to get it. She came back out an hour later, only with a paper stating that she was 3 weeks pregnant. She was apologizing the whole time while telling me she couldn't go through with it. I just accepted it then and there, thinking that in the eyes of my God, I did what I could and the rest is out of my hands. . . (Agnostic now btw, not that it's relevant, or is? idk…)
What a strange comment to make.
It’s almost like she sobers up and is embarrassed by her drunk sexting so she gets mean?
Yep and also maybe it’s that she’s embarrassed that she wants more with you, but you only want to be friends, so she’s mean as a way to reject you back.
Don’t stay. It won’t matter if they stop being friends, if you never talk to him, etc. he will always bring it up. My husband is just like this. He asks questions for answers he doesn’t really want. Then throws those answers back in my face whenever he wants to start an argument. Insecure people will always bring it back to you and how it’s your fault, how you must be cheating with him, and I won’t be surprised if he asks you to compare the two of them. If you do stay and he does that, that is your sign to leave.
In North America that used to be a super offensive insult in the first half of the 20th century. For example, around the time of world war 2 or so, if you insulted a man's parents, that would have been worth punchin over. In Mexico and central America, it depends on how you word it and what you say. You could call somone's mother ugly or lazy, but you don't call her
Then it started becoming kind of a joking insult among young, poor teenagers in the 1960's and 1970's. That is, a way to “roast” your friends in a joking way. Then some comedians and hip-hop musicians started picking it up
Tell your friend you don't blame him for not knowing, but in most Asian cultures if you insult somone's parents or their family name, they're likely to kick you a few times or spit in your face then tell you you're a dog. Then tell him you'd like an apology.
Hey OP, sounds like you have some unresolved feelings for your first love. I get that you want to have a normal life, but you can’t force yourself to be with someone you don’t really love. That’s not fair to your current BF or yourself. If you really want to give your first love a chance, you need to break up with your BF first. Don’t cheat on him or string him along. Be honest and respectful. Then, talk to your first love and see if he feels the same way. Maybe he’s moved on, maybe he hasn’t. But you won’t know unless you try.
Well good for you lol
“I’d like to say I am not/was not cheating on him & had already blocked all the men I was previously in contact with prior to us dating.”
Does that mean you are or are NOT cheating?
Have you asked to go with her or has she otherwise invited you? Have you shared your concerns for her safety with her? Communicate! Your concerns are all valid; if she makes a fuss about not wanting you to come I think that's a major red flag.
Sure, but you didn’t give us all the info either. What you said in your post just sounds like two people being overly boisterous in their workplace. Now you say he looks at you on sm and calls you flirty nicknames, so that puts an extra layer to it. From what you say in your post you appear to be responding to and participating and liking what he’s doing, but I’d just say that men that age, especially if they’re married or in a committed relationship, will often “flirt” like that with people they consider “safe”, without any intention of following through on it.
You don’t have to accept his past sexual behavior. Particularly where it indicates he will likely not be a faithful partner. Your feelings are justified.
I believe this is the only answer when you find out your bf has the hots for HIS MOM
It's been a year, pull a Houdini and gtfo
She needs to understand that this isn’t healthy. She’s making her problem into your problem.
It’s all good girl. We’ve all made mistakes. Trust your gut, you know you deserve a lot better than this. I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the only aspect of your relationship where he treats you disrespectfully.
1) No offense but you're a terrible parent. Not saying you're a bad *person* in any way but when it comes to teaching, leadership, etc, you get an F minus. There is no fixing this at 19.
2) There is no way to force her compliance in your house. She already knows she can walk all over you, she knows you have no backbone, she's got 19 years of history you're not going to challenge it at this point without going nuclear.
The answer is to let her go be homeless for a month or two. Let her experience the actual adult world and go couch surf. Tell her like, she's welcome at home but she will only be welcome at home if she does what you tell her. That she is no longer a child in your house who is your responsibility to take care of and if she is not going to take adult responsibilty seriously then she can go hang out with her friends and figure out her own life and her own money away from you and come back if she fucks it up so bad that she's willing to do what she gets told until she gets her shit together.
I'm going to be super blunt. You did not prepare your daughter for adult life and her adult life is going to suck for a long time because of it and so far as I am concerned, as a parent myself, it is entirely your fault. 19 year olds are children with adult freedoms. The fact that she's not following your lead means that you offered no real lead to follow, and there's no undoing that.
Throw her out for some sink or swim, and tell her very clearly as you do it this isn't anger or hate or revenge, this is teaching. She is not going to learn the world is serious and to take it seriously until she goes out and experiences it so tell her yeah, she's now homeless until she gets her shit in order and takes the gift of your continued help in her adulthood dead serious and starts doing what she's told as long as she expects room in your house.
And then you get to try to figure out how to lead well enough if she does follow your lead not to destroy the adult relationship! Because she's not a child and even if she has to do what she's told it has to be told to her through an adult frame of reference you can't disrespect her by treating her like a child, you have to address her as an adult and still get her to follow.
Good luck personally I think you ruined your kid and there's no coming back from it.
That's what we need. An adult to adult type conversation.
I think a lot about when I was that age and as resistant as i was to advice I sure could have used it back then lol
I am not even Asian but have seen this same routine played on Asian ladies I know. Even just here, you see Asian ladies writing here because they suddenly realize they just married a misogynist that is starting to realize the Asian lady wasn’t exactly the submissive he assumed.
Why are you with someone you dgaf about?
Well I mean, she's not in a relationship with them, is she? That would be impossible. The fictional character doesn't actually exist, or even know your wife exists. It sounds like she needs to see a doctor.
Ahhhh, yessss, now we've come to the famous “but my friend is queer”.
Okay, go on.
Please dump him. I’m sorry this happened to you but people need to stop enabling men like this. Dump him and expose him
Idk probably marry her
Just a month after moving out? Serious question.
☝️