That is a very fair point. I guess I just kinda needed the internet to tell me I wasn’t crazy because he still is really good at manipulating me. I really do feel so much closer to being able to completely move on and not have an emotional reaction to him, but I think I just needed a little encouragement to keep pushing myself to shake him off. Thanks for your honesty, you are right and I’m getting there!
No, you must speak with him because he must take (the same?) treatment! However, if he will try to blame it on you, end this charade that you name relation…!
Sounds like first world Karen problems. ???? sorry not trying to invalidate you. It's ok if you and your hubby don't agree on every last thing. It's not the end of the world. Take a deep breath honey, drink some tea and talk with a girlfriend.
Can I get in invite? I’m looking for a future wife. You’re already invited to the wedding fyi. All seriousness, screw them. I can’t believe they don’t see how shitty that is not inviting you. Without out those two wouldn’t have met.
The next time he does this, stop the conversation (calmly) and say, “Hey, it sounds like you’re feeling a little jealous of my past partners and you have a fear that somehow you’re inadequate because you don’t have the same sexual past that I do. Is that right?” And CALMLY get him to talk through his feelings. If he gets defensive (and he almost certainly will, based on how you’ve described him), don’t take it personally—he gets defensive because he feels attacked, even though you probably didn’t mean it that way: “Honey, I understand you’re feeling defensive right now, but we’re both adults, and we need to be able to talk about our feelings and our fears if we’re going to be in a relationship together. Can you tell me what it is about my past partners that bothers or worries you?” Focus on his needs and fears behind your past partners until he can talk about it. He needs to work through this issue before he can stop resorting to childish arguments.
Ohhhh my god. The way you even say that is bad. “I’m not going purely because of my girlfriends say so, not because I understand that I was crossing a normal relationship boundary by doing so, not because I now understand that my friend is doing her best to not get to know my partner yet keep me close, it’s because my girlfriends yelled at me”
Do you not understand that your friend wanting nothing to do with your partner, keeping herself completely separated yet demanding much of your time to the point of a two week holiday is a massive red flag? You can’t have a friend that demands that much time from you yet refused to get to know your partner. This holiday could quite literally have been a time for your partner and friend to get to know eachother, the excuse YOU made for your friend isn’t enough nor valid. Jesus, you’re not suitable for a relationship.
It’s called a scat fetish, and yes it’s a kink. It’s going to be for you to decide if you can tolerate it because it’s highly unlikely that he will stop.
Unless you can have an open conversation and learn what her intent is moving forward, you won't know if you're truly compatible.
Is she waiting for marriage? Does she just want to take it slow and steady? What are her love languages? Does she actually not care for physical intimacy?
At 18 its not unusual to still be putting off sex. But you need to figure out if this is going to work long-term.
They both love each other deeply but are have different values on something.
This post is worded very healthily too, she is looking for a way to fix the problem not for people to tell her she’s right. And she’s approaching it as a problem that they need to solve together instead of a problem with each other.
This one reads as a healthy relationship and people telling her to break up with someone because they have a different opinion on the concept of marriage? That’s silly
True it's an assumption, but be honest with yourself…if OP hadn't come home, and her brother had stayed passed out, we both know where the night would've gone. And that's only if it hadn't happened already, and OP just got there after they were done and cleaned up and just chilling after the deed.
Like for example if you walk into a room and you see a guy tied to a chair and crying, and another guy with a gun in his hand and a smile on his face. It doesn't take a genius intellect to put 2+2 and get 4. Or you walk into a room and see your girlfriend cuddled up in the “we're about to bone/have already boned” spooning position with a guy who is not you, her boyfriend. Yeah it's an assumption, but going off the evidence that is there, it's more of a hypothesis than a supposition. At least in my opinion.
The saddest part is…this is the first time I’ve ever dated someone who has truly treated me well. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and after a lot of therapy and healing, I met him.
He’s been so supportive and I feel SAFE with someone for the first time in a very long time…
I’m very big on therapy, so I suggested that he meets with their daughter’s therapist for co-parenting therapy and the mom refuses to go bc she said she’s afraid he’ll tell me their business…which is a way to hide her wrongs from the therapist and also manipulate him into turning away from me.
It’s nude to let go of someone who is otherwise so perfect…it’s literally bc of his ex that I need to think about walking away. You’re absolutely right…I don’t see her stopping. No one stays with her bc she is honestly a covert narcissist.
He's superficial AF. Does he expect you to have multiple plastic surgeries as well cuz he's not into older women? Please stop wasting your time on this clown. Let him have a relationship with a blow up doll, he can let the air out as needed.
You’re the side chick and clearly by your comments you lack sense. She got engaged and moved in since you’ve been “together”. I’m sure you’ll have some dumb excuse for her getting married too.
Fact is you’re the side chick. And you’re an awful person for helping her string along this guy. So honestly you deserve each other. Good luck with that. You earned everything you get from her
I am not going to condemn the mother of my grandchildren
So then, you condemn the father of your grandchildren? Accuse HIM when his own wife cheated on him?? Your own son? Don’t play this “I’m not going to take sides” bs. You are clearly taking sides
So you need to start by being honest with yourself. He does have a full fledged driving problem. He is an alcoholic. He is lashing out and playing the victim to justify his own behavior to himself. If he isn’t already drinking at work he probably will…
I thought the same thing when I was young and in an abusive relationship. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did and now I’m marrying the man of my dreams. I also realised I never could have truly loved my ex because he never truly loved me. You’ll realise the same thing in time.
let it die – it will be forgotten amidst the chaos of Christmas
That is a very fair point. I guess I just kinda needed the internet to tell me I wasn’t crazy because he still is really good at manipulating me. I really do feel so much closer to being able to completely move on and not have an emotional reaction to him, but I think I just needed a little encouragement to keep pushing myself to shake him off. Thanks for your honesty, you are right and I’m getting there!
No, you must speak with him because he must take (the same?) treatment! However, if he will try to blame it on you, end this charade that you name relation…!
Drinking doesn't change the effectiveness of birth control pills unless you get so drunk that you puke within 2 hours of taking it.
Broke up with him after the last straw. My dad died and he told me regular people don't grieve longer than a month and I should go back to normal.
Sounds like first world Karen problems. ???? sorry not trying to invalidate you. It's ok if you and your hubby don't agree on every last thing. It's not the end of the world. Take a deep breath honey, drink some tea and talk with a girlfriend.
Can I get in invite? I’m looking for a future wife. You’re already invited to the wedding fyi. All seriousness, screw them. I can’t believe they don’t see how shitty that is not inviting you. Without out those two wouldn’t have met.
I’m petty and I’d send him articles about it every single day multiple times a day until he got it thru his thick skull.
Seriously, OP. You deserve better than that lump of flesh
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The next time he does this, stop the conversation (calmly) and say, “Hey, it sounds like you’re feeling a little jealous of my past partners and you have a fear that somehow you’re inadequate because you don’t have the same sexual past that I do. Is that right?” And CALMLY get him to talk through his feelings. If he gets defensive (and he almost certainly will, based on how you’ve described him), don’t take it personally—he gets defensive because he feels attacked, even though you probably didn’t mean it that way: “Honey, I understand you’re feeling defensive right now, but we’re both adults, and we need to be able to talk about our feelings and our fears if we’re going to be in a relationship together. Can you tell me what it is about my past partners that bothers or worries you?” Focus on his needs and fears behind your past partners until he can talk about it. He needs to work through this issue before he can stop resorting to childish arguments.
Ask yourself if you'd rather have millions of dollars or your mother alive.
Ohhhh my god. The way you even say that is bad. “I’m not going purely because of my girlfriends say so, not because I understand that I was crossing a normal relationship boundary by doing so, not because I now understand that my friend is doing her best to not get to know my partner yet keep me close, it’s because my girlfriends yelled at me”
Do you not understand that your friend wanting nothing to do with your partner, keeping herself completely separated yet demanding much of your time to the point of a two week holiday is a massive red flag? You can’t have a friend that demands that much time from you yet refused to get to know your partner. This holiday could quite literally have been a time for your partner and friend to get to know eachother, the excuse YOU made for your friend isn’t enough nor valid. Jesus, you’re not suitable for a relationship.
it’s called grooming
It’s called a scat fetish, and yes it’s a kink. It’s going to be for you to decide if you can tolerate it because it’s highly unlikely that he will stop.
Unless you can have an open conversation and learn what her intent is moving forward, you won't know if you're truly compatible.
Is she waiting for marriage? Does she just want to take it slow and steady? What are her love languages? Does she actually not care for physical intimacy?
At 18 its not unusual to still be putting off sex. But you need to figure out if this is going to work long-term.
This is absolutely not a doomed situation though.
They both love each other deeply but are have different values on something.
This post is worded very healthily too, she is looking for a way to fix the problem not for people to tell her she’s right. And she’s approaching it as a problem that they need to solve together instead of a problem with each other.
This one reads as a healthy relationship and people telling her to break up with someone because they have a different opinion on the concept of marriage? That’s silly
True it's an assumption, but be honest with yourself…if OP hadn't come home, and her brother had stayed passed out, we both know where the night would've gone. And that's only if it hadn't happened already, and OP just got there after they were done and cleaned up and just chilling after the deed.
Like for example if you walk into a room and you see a guy tied to a chair and crying, and another guy with a gun in his hand and a smile on his face. It doesn't take a genius intellect to put 2+2 and get 4. Or you walk into a room and see your girlfriend cuddled up in the “we're about to bone/have already boned” spooning position with a guy who is not you, her boyfriend. Yeah it's an assumption, but going off the evidence that is there, it's more of a hypothesis than a supposition. At least in my opinion.
True
You do not owe him sex. Period. Sex is about consent. He is 1000000% raping you. Marital rape is a thing. He is an abuser and you deserve better.
The saddest part is…this is the first time I’ve ever dated someone who has truly treated me well. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and after a lot of therapy and healing, I met him.
He’s been so supportive and I feel SAFE with someone for the first time in a very long time…
I’m very big on therapy, so I suggested that he meets with their daughter’s therapist for co-parenting therapy and the mom refuses to go bc she said she’s afraid he’ll tell me their business…which is a way to hide her wrongs from the therapist and also manipulate him into turning away from me.
It’s nude to let go of someone who is otherwise so perfect…it’s literally bc of his ex that I need to think about walking away. You’re absolutely right…I don’t see her stopping. No one stays with her bc she is honestly a covert narcissist.
Thanks for your advice…
He's superficial AF. Does he expect you to have multiple plastic surgeries as well cuz he's not into older women? Please stop wasting your time on this clown. Let him have a relationship with a blow up doll, he can let the air out as needed.
He knew what he was doing and now he’s manipulating you.
Lesson learned. Move on.
You’re the side chick and clearly by your comments you lack sense. She got engaged and moved in since you’ve been “together”. I’m sure you’ll have some dumb excuse for her getting married too.
Fact is you’re the side chick. And you’re an awful person for helping her string along this guy. So honestly you deserve each other. Good luck with that. You earned everything you get from her
I am not going to condemn the mother of my grandchildren
So then, you condemn the father of your grandchildren? Accuse HIM when his own wife cheated on him?? Your own son? Don’t play this “I’m not going to take sides” bs. You are clearly taking sides
So you need to start by being honest with yourself. He does have a full fledged driving problem. He is an alcoholic. He is lashing out and playing the victim to justify his own behavior to himself. If he isn’t already drinking at work he probably will…
His reaction and your inability to have your story straight put that into doubt.
But end of the day only you and him know the truth.
What you have to realise is that by doing what you did, you ended any chance of ever getting back together.
I thought the same thing when I was young and in an abusive relationship. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did and now I’m marrying the man of my dreams. I also realised I never could have truly loved my ex because he never truly loved me. You’ll realise the same thing in time.