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This might sound crazy but….take some more?
Your wife is literally self harming. Focus more on that as her husband, and less on how unappealing it is sexually. My faith in humanity dwindles more each day.
No shit right? That was my 1st thought too. What kind of person behaves this way over their boyfriends medical condition? Also, there are literally tons of ways to skin that cat. The fact that she thinks threats are gonna magically make his penis hard is idiotic and I'm positive op can do better than this jerk.
I mean when you are super drunk, you're not fully aware of everything you are doing so she probably just found someone she felt safe with and asked them for help. it's very possible she could have be assulted, right that's a real possibility anytime a person goes out but I don't think it got to that.
This is a really tangled mess. I would never hang out with the person who knowingly was involved in emotionally affair with MY partner!
I would drop them all, the friend, the cheating BF, the other woman who oh so badly regrets her actiions and wants to be, again a part of your (BF's..) life.
Ok, so you don’t actually have an explanation for why what he said was a jab. You just made it up, then? That’s cool.
I mean their only 2 options you can take. 1 option take her at her word that you are not playing second fiddle or 2 break up with her so she can deal with those feelings of hers. Remember everyone has a past but if their past is still affecting them in the present then we’ll it’s up to you to decide what you want to do
…welcome to the real world…
Offf! Why do you even want to be with a guy like that?!
I do think you should reach out!!! She may say no thank you and you’d have to accept that but it sounds worth the chance!!! PLEASE UPDATE
This would make great flare too
Appreciate the sentiment here. Distance to a point is an option. Certainly trying to keep things strictly professional would maybe work… but then is that a case of abadoning a genuine friendship?
Our working relationship does require we work together often and closely… our friendship actually really helps this. We have established a bit of a co-dependant plan to advance in our careers and can support each other in this goal
Again. This may be a contributing factor to the affectionate feelings as neither of us have felt we've found a collaborative partner on this level before.
The industry I'm in is competetive and I could not easily just move to another job that offers me as many career opportunities or stability to build the life I want.
There is zero chance I act on these fantasies just to be clear again. They are not an active want or desire in me… In fact I could not and would not ever even divulge this crush to anyone who I know to ensure it effects no one but me.
Thank you for your reply though.
You should cut contact with both of them
Would it be dark to joke that I almost wish. Sometimes I think about that and it feels like a relief. Not a good thought, just a funny one maybe.
Especially when he’s an unreasonable asshole who has no problems crippling you financially.
This is where insisting comes in. She may need therapy to feel safe leaving your kids, but she needs to be able to spend time away from them for all of your sakes.
You need to tell her what you need – fun nights out. You can start with baby steps, but you have to start somewhere.
I cannot state strongly enough how important it is for the two of you to take time alone together sometimes if your real goal is to be together forever.
You also have GOT to dig deep and muster some compassion for your wife. She’s not just hashing your mellow, dude. She sounds freakin’ paralyzed.
That context is important. It suggests inappropriate behavior.
Neither male gynos nor female urologists are creepy… wtf??
My brother (30) started dating a girl with HSV2, and she was upfront and told him about it, and he was fine with it. He doesn't have the virus, he's just a good and understanding guy. They use protection and are careful. There are plenty more like him so don't worry about that. As for this situation, if you start questioning if you deserve better, then you absolutely do.
I apologize that I don’t know the semantics between counseling and therapy. She has a licensed therapist she speaks to, but does not take medications. I believe that I need to explore my options for dissolving the marriage.
I agree. And ultimately, it's not just selfless. I'm happiest when I'm helping others, when at the end of the day I'm proud of who I was and how I interacted with those around me.
If you're a strong and confident person, you can extend, risk and sacrifice for someone else and know that you'll still be OK.
Sounds like you have a toxic friend. Time to assert some firm boundaries and if they can’t accept that, cut them out
I make double what my partner does and we have been doing 50/50 for a long time, but we gently opened up a joint account together and we are changing it up so 60% of our income gets put into the shared account for bills, food, going out, household stuff, and the additional 40% is for us to do as we please with.
You need to have a serious conversation with your partner about this. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from (I have autism and ADHD and these pressures make me lose my head really fast).
I think showing your partner the disparity between what your partner is able to do and what you are is useful here. You need to ensure it doesn’t become accusatory I.e oh well I’d love to just hang out with friends like you do but I’m stuck working and doing the dishes.
Come from a place of ‘I’d really love to balance things better, you are really good at putting yourself first and looking after yourself. Could you please help me to do this too? I feel overwhelmed between working and looking after our home. I’m not sure how I can improve this balance whilst lot letting the house go to a mess.’ You can talk about how the state of the house impacts you etc. and hopefully this inspired your partner to volunteer efforts but also hear how you are feeling. Ultimately you want to come out of it feeling validated and appreciated.
Sometimes simple things like doing a cleaning session together on a Tuesday night (or whenever) are good things to introduce.
Hope this helps a bit!