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Facts people are crazy
What was his intention though? To do something for you or to get his rocks off? Maybe a discussion about context towards that agreement and when it is appropriate OR retract it and agree that it’s not something that is okay. Communicate with each other. Try to both see each others perspective. Hopefully you can both understand each other and come to an agreement
Your a horrible person and he need professional help
I would have a talk with her that your highly uncomfortable with this situation and your going to tell him to direct all communication going forward to you as the primary and if that’s a problem well, see you around and find your own girl
No. It IS that bad. You're just telling yourself it's not so you don't have to take responsibility for being a peice of shit. It sounds like she was saying NO and you KEPT GOING. THAT IS RAPE. THAT IS ASSULT. You're not the victim here and you're definitely not as innocent as you're pretending to be.
That is a 100% rape. A respectful and logical person with at least a couple braincells will know, filter and understand that you being sick means sick and sex would probably not even be a thought. He definitely kept pushing your boundaries and didn't care.
You shouldn't want to save your relationship. You deserve better. Eventually he will probably just keep pushing your buttons if you stay with him.
she said she was on the verge of killing herself when this guy arrived.
Break up with anyone that cheats instead of calling the suicide hotline.
You may have “aged out”. Plus you had a baby and he sees you differently,I bet. And he’s at the age for a midlife crisis. Oh,also,he seems to be a jerk.
You take care of his older kid full time? And the shared child. And he does nothing. Rinse and repeat.
Thank you!
Cognitive behavioral therapy if you're having intrusive thoughts. That's really the only way, if you aren't able to corral your thoughts, using reason, on your own.
Yes, you need to ask questions in a non-judgmental manner. I.e. you need to lead the conversation. You say that your boyfriend is open to getting into deeper conversations and that you've mostly been talking about your own insecurities with him listening. You can ask him. For example, you can talk about [whatever your insecurity is] and then ask him, have you ever felt that way? Or does anything make you feel that way? Or anything along those lines.
Starting those conversations and showing him that you are a safe person to have more emotionally vulnerable conversations with will help him get out of his shelf. While he may be willing to start more of those conversations, he may never do so at the rate or clip you'd like, because he is always going to be a quieter type. So you can definitely increase the rate, but you will have to accept that it will always require some input on your part.
Finally, it should be noted that as relationships get longer there is less to discover about each other. Learning how to have conversations that aren't about discovery is important too!
Ahh yeah, that’s tough. Do u think your wife is happy? I would have to a long conversation with her. And find out if she truly happy in this relationship since everything seemed kind of forced. I do not think any of you were ready for marriage, or even a child tbh. You should edit your post and include that in there, there are really good folks around here that can offer really opening perspectives
You didn't break her trust, she's paranoid. None of those incidents are anything at all but she's convinced you you're the villain so she can keep controlling you.
This is not a person to keep dating. This was exhausting to read. You can't possibly want to put up with this behaviour and detective work bullshit for another year, can you??
Believe your kid in this case.
If his insecurities are “making” him act this way then you absolutely can blame him.
It's just this one thing. Usually, he makes mostly nice stuff. But the one thing he's SO happy about is just hideous! He has talked about it many times and how proud he is about it. It is so ugly
Divorce because he went to a strip club? A little extreme, don't you think. Brand new family, the adjustment can be difficult, but they can get through it.
Take the interview. Give up on the relationship.
You fear he will perceive you as you are? Babe, you gotta get away from this guy.
Nope!! Do not do this
the fuck did i just read here
Creepy AND a compulsive liar. Not really bf material.
Obviously you can't legally “get rid” of your kid's mom. When you procreate with someone you're either tied to them for at least until your kid is grown, or you're a reprehensible deadbeat who's set a kid up for a disastrous life. There is no other option. Never be so desperate for sex/companionship that you stab your own blood in the back. If this woman couldn't handle the reality that you already have a family she should never have started dating you. Maybe “get rid” of the girlfriend so your son has a shot at a decent life.
Smoked what?
Fifteen minutes feels like an eternity to me. If you tell me you’re going to be somewhere at 5 PM, I’m going to be there at 4:55 to meet you. If you’re consistently showing up at 5:15, I’m going to think you don’t care about my time. If you say you’re going to be somewhere at a set time, show up at that time or set the time later.
I’m not sure I would give her the heads up like that or feed her information from him in case she’d prefer to lean on that instead of be truthful. If he’s not lying, her story will naturally line up. I’d probably see about meeting up with her for coffee and just gently lay it out that I know she and husband have been texting and she’s now avoiding him and then wait for her to fill in info. There’s something that’s really stressful about silence with expectation.
Off colour comment? He made a physical movement to pretend he was going to hit her. It wasn't a comment.
For a lot of women, if they no longer feel safe with their partner, it's the death sentence of their relationship.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We have been married for two years but together for 9.
Basically not long ago my wife got a new job after leaving her old one and going back to do a masters in something else. I was obviously happy for her and supported her through all this but recently I was on her Linkedin looking at a post she made and saw that one of the comments on it was from an ex friend of mine. I haven't seen or heard anything about him for years but I looked at his profile and he works at the company my wife now works at.
I asked her about it and she pretty much played it off saying yeah she thinks he does work there but that didn't make sense as they're connected on Linkedin and he's leaving comments on her posts so she must know he's there. This led to her coming clean that she had met him at a wedding of one of her friends back in December(I couldn't go). They remembered each other and got talking and she obviously mentioned her looking for a new job and then in January he connected with on Linkedin and said he could help her get a job where he worked. She never told me because she knew I would be mad that she was in contact with him.
The guy was an old friend of mine from college and then he cheated on his girlfriend who was in our mutual friend group with another girl from our friend group who was also in a relationship with another one of our friends so it was all a big mess and completely destroyed the group. This happened not long after I met my wife so they didn't know each other well but she definitely saw and knew the impact of what he had done.
Now she would be right in thinking that I wouldn't exactly be happy that she's in contact with him but I would also not try and get in the way of a job opportunity for her either and I would have thought she would know me well enough by now to know that. Her explanation also doesn't really fit as she said she met him at the wedding in December and then he contacted her about the job in January. Why didn't she tell me she'd met him the day after the wedding when she came home? I can't get these intrusive thoughts out my head about if she kept this from me what else is she capable of hiding. Like about three weeks ago she went on a work night out and I went to sleep at about 1am and the next morning I woke up and she wasn't in bed. I came out and she was asleep completely very hot on the couch. At the time I thought it was kinda funny but know knowing this I think its weird. She's never done that before. She said when she told me that they have a strictly work related relationship but like I said in the title, I'm struggling to trust her.
This post is already longer than I intended so Il finish. Apart from not telling me about the ex friend, am I being crazy feeling this way? I have a terrible feeling in my gut and I don't know what to do? I'm on the verge of looking at her phone. Any advice would be helpful thanks.
TLDR: My wife kept from me that she met an ex friend of mine, has been in contact ever since and now works with him.
Reach out to his family
Honestly, I would text him that he need to go somewhere else until he's ready to talk.
she added that after she read my postings…. so that, in and of itself adds to the suspicion. The story just builds as people call out the inconsistencies.
You don't owe him a relationship and you're not responsible for his health or happiness.
This isn't a marriage.
You are 28 you can live alone.
Get a job if you don't already have one and move out. You deserve to be free.
I promise you this guy is not worth the emotional damage he is inflicting.
From what I read and my own experience, it sounds like you didn't hold much regard for how your bf would feel. That's one of those things where if it slips once, it will slip again. Some part of you wasn't happy with your relationship and was willing to leave it behind. There's no way to figure out why without deep self reflection, and it's generally not healthy to try and maintain a relationship while doing so.
I do however have pretty severe ADHD and depression, so my needs for introspection may vary from what's typical.
Trust me, if she is starting a relationship with him, she will find out soon enough what OP went through. He is not going to change. You forewarned her, that's all you can do.
Then you stick to your “boundary” and your boyfriend can stick to his own. He's not obligated to share your sensitivities on this. Besides, it's empowering to be able to face a past abuser as the stronger person you've now become. Don't try to force him into your little cocoon of avoidance. He'll be better for the experience if this ex IS there and he's able to function normally despite it.
That's a great point, so many good doctors are completely burnt out from pisspoor working conditions that they fully opt out of gov't programs like medicaid. Beyond just the burnout, from my understanding workingwith medicaid is a bitch and a half. I had a prescription that was messed up and my doctor had to call them every day for a week to fix it.
My own Dr is very young and extremely competent, the only reason I get any treatment is because I hit the good doctor jackpot. I think his young age is the reason why he's so good, he's not yet been ripped apart by the system that hates good doctors.
So, based on this, let it all burn. Hopefully, you kept the evidence you found on her phone. Contact the other persons wife and let her know after you kick her out for cheating. The friends let them know you will be granting her request to leave however its not amicable as she cheated because i guarantee 1 of them likely knew of her shenanigans. If any friends adter hearing this take her side, cut them out as you don't need that shit. She made this mess she can live with the fallout from it.