If it’s a dealbreaker for you, it’s a dealbreaker. Yes it’s her body but her attitude of just deal with it shows she doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. Whether you are right or wrong isn’t the issue. You have to decide if you can deal with it and if you can’t, you have to break up with her. Don’t give her an ultimatum and say it’s you or the ring. Just explain again that you don’t find it attractive and can’t stay in the relationship.
I still think you should have brought your grandmother with you because I had a feeling you would do something like this. I don't blame you of course for what you did. I would have probably done it as well after what they have put you through but just be thankful it didn't escalate to more.
I agree with you that your mother is stupid woman and horrible parent after the stunt she pulled. She tried to get you to accept him and staged this little meeting with her to try to mend fences and offer you to go to California with them. Seriously, she is sick in the head. She should have come to you alone instead of bringing that AH with her. I would definitely go NC with her permanently after what she did and never speak to her again.
Regarding Brad, he got what he deserved and if he was really sorry and cared about your mom, he would have stopped the relationship and stepped back. Also he wouldn't have gone after you the way that he did.
IMO, those two deserve each other. A mother, who traded in her son for a relationship that will really not last because Brad IMO will end up cheating on her at some point for someone younger, is horrible parent. I can honestly say that your late father, rest his soul, would be ashamed of your mother right now for discarding you like that. Brad is less of a man for basically doing what he did and not even apologizing in person to you himself. He is scum.
I hope you tell the rest of the family what transpired and cut your mom off completely to on-line your life in peace.
I hate to say it but you won’t get him back. I’m surprised he put up with you for so long. There’s only so much a person can deal with in a relationship. Clearly you were just too much. Good for him for ending things. You sabotaged your own relationship by being jealous, controlling and demanding. You need to work on yourself via therapy before getting into another relationship. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship.
If she just wanted to keep you satisfied then she could give you a hall pass but what she proposed was to open the relationship, in a way that she would also be able to sleep with other people.
That's a no go for me, and I would start suspecting something is going on.
Thank you for your reply. I feel like at this current moment we both know what each other want and if that were to change, I’m sure we’d both talk to each other about it. Since getting together he’s gone to uni, I’ve had to work on myself by getting therapy, we’ve both taken up hobbies. I know obviously bigger life events will happen and we will have to deal with them when it comes
You don’t know what your talking about. You make it seem like OP as the boyfriend doesn’t have a say in how his gf and another person are touching each other. Very strange and utterly bazaar perspective. You own it though if it works for you. But you better not think it is acceptable to touch another person’s SO because that’s how you roll. No things don’t work that way and shouldn’t. This has nothing to do with control and everything to do with communication which is literally the basis for human interaction. You reducing it to being jealous and controlling is perhaps you not understanding the complexities to non verbal communication. Also, to be clear OPs GF DID NOT believe the touching was acceptable at all. Go find OPs recent comment about this. Again, she felt it was inappropriate. So, yeah your entire bazaar argument in flames.
plenty of religious people also wait until marriage and have perfectly normal and happy lives. there isnt any inherent risk to being religious as long as people talk openly before getting married. at least that's what i plan to do lol and if a man gets uncomfortable talking about sex, i just bin him and move on lol
Maybe you need to be making that a priority? Getting out to group activities, hobbies, leagues, events, etc. start meeting people. Build those skills and maybe meet people in the process.
Doing whatever you are doing now isn’t working for 9 years. You need to get out of your comfort zone.
Any kind of kink has to be consensual and talked about/agreed upon.
It is okay to have a thing for these type of fantasies, but not wanting them to be real. If that’s ur boundary, and you should be able to communicate this to ur partner and have them respect it. Ideally stuff like this should only happen if you have enough of a basis of trust and sense of security for it to not cause issues like this.
I don’t think this is going in the right direction in terms of harmless play. You are feeling hurt and insecure, and not without reason.
You can try addressing your issues with your Bf, say what your boundaries are, that you want things to be fantasy only etc. Whatever you would need to still on-line out this “kink” but be happy with it. Or put a full stop to it if that’s what you feel most comfortable with. He either respects this or there is no reason for you to stay with him.
Either way I would seriously reconsider being with someone like this, it does not seem like harmless play at all from what your describing… sending love.
It's advice I've received myself before and has done wonders in helping me understand my partner, family and friends more clearly than I had before so happy to pass it along. I hope it helps bring you peace as well.
Focus on something else. Are you in college – throw yourself into your classes. Start volunteering. Pick up exercising. Start reading all the books you haven’t. Plan a trip. Declutter your place. Picks set amount of time you’ll give him for space (I saw a few weeks at most) and throw yourself into other shit. When that date comes up on your calendar and if you still haven’t heard from him send “I wish you nothing but the best and to figure your shit out, but I can’t wait around forever. I don’t want to. Read up with you via text, but I’m respecting your space.”
Most women orgasm from oral only. There is only so much you can do with mounth and fingers before you physically cannot anymore. Guys orgssm more quickly that is just the reality. Even with partners I have been with that do orgasm with 5 or 10 minutes some days, it just does not happen for whatever reason.
Thank you for this input and sharing your friend’s experience. I definitely will be considering this issue deeply over the next few weeks. I won’t be able to reach out in the immediate future. Things ended badly with my ex (he hurled personal insults at me/majorly gaslighted me) and I get distressed at the thought of putting myself at risk of being back in the bad mental state that this emotional abuse caused. However, I definitely would want to know if the roles were reversed and this is what weighs on my conscience. I am listening and taking on board to all the advice given to me here and by my friends/family.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you, it’s a dealbreaker. Yes it’s her body but her attitude of just deal with it shows she doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. Whether you are right or wrong isn’t the issue. You have to decide if you can deal with it and if you can’t, you have to break up with her. Don’t give her an ultimatum and say it’s you or the ring. Just explain again that you don’t find it attractive and can’t stay in the relationship.
I still think you should have brought your grandmother with you because I had a feeling you would do something like this. I don't blame you of course for what you did. I would have probably done it as well after what they have put you through but just be thankful it didn't escalate to more.
I agree with you that your mother is stupid woman and horrible parent after the stunt she pulled. She tried to get you to accept him and staged this little meeting with her to try to mend fences and offer you to go to California with them. Seriously, she is sick in the head. She should have come to you alone instead of bringing that AH with her. I would definitely go NC with her permanently after what she did and never speak to her again.
Regarding Brad, he got what he deserved and if he was really sorry and cared about your mom, he would have stopped the relationship and stepped back. Also he wouldn't have gone after you the way that he did.
IMO, those two deserve each other. A mother, who traded in her son for a relationship that will really not last because Brad IMO will end up cheating on her at some point for someone younger, is horrible parent. I can honestly say that your late father, rest his soul, would be ashamed of your mother right now for discarding you like that. Brad is less of a man for basically doing what he did and not even apologizing in person to you himself. He is scum.
I hope you tell the rest of the family what transpired and cut your mom off completely to on-line your life in peace.
Many red flags!!
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I hate to say it but you won’t get him back. I’m surprised he put up with you for so long. There’s only so much a person can deal with in a relationship. Clearly you were just too much. Good for him for ending things. You sabotaged your own relationship by being jealous, controlling and demanding. You need to work on yourself via therapy before getting into another relationship. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship.
Makes no sense to me.
If she just wanted to keep you satisfied then she could give you a hall pass but what she proposed was to open the relationship, in a way that she would also be able to sleep with other people.
That's a no go for me, and I would start suspecting something is going on.
Thank you for your reply. I feel like at this current moment we both know what each other want and if that were to change, I’m sure we’d both talk to each other about it. Since getting together he’s gone to uni, I’ve had to work on myself by getting therapy, we’ve both taken up hobbies. I know obviously bigger life events will happen and we will have to deal with them when it comes
He is unstable, get out now
You don’t know what your talking about. You make it seem like OP as the boyfriend doesn’t have a say in how his gf and another person are touching each other. Very strange and utterly bazaar perspective. You own it though if it works for you. But you better not think it is acceptable to touch another person’s SO because that’s how you roll. No things don’t work that way and shouldn’t. This has nothing to do with control and everything to do with communication which is literally the basis for human interaction. You reducing it to being jealous and controlling is perhaps you not understanding the complexities to non verbal communication. Also, to be clear OPs GF DID NOT believe the touching was acceptable at all. Go find OPs recent comment about this. Again, she felt it was inappropriate. So, yeah your entire bazaar argument in flames.
plenty of religious people also wait until marriage and have perfectly normal and happy lives. there isnt any inherent risk to being religious as long as people talk openly before getting married. at least that's what i plan to do lol and if a man gets uncomfortable talking about sex, i just bin him and move on lol
Maybe you need to be making that a priority? Getting out to group activities, hobbies, leagues, events, etc. start meeting people. Build those skills and maybe meet people in the process.
Doing whatever you are doing now isn’t working for 9 years. You need to get out of your comfort zone.
Oh look here it is again, spamity spam spam. get some help
I used to go but I stopped. that's probably what I need, thank you ?
This is pure narcissism. His actions speak louder than words and it's still not enough for you.
Are you sure this guy is the best option for you?
He has a kid you don't = you will never be his priority
He's past mid-30s and approaching 40, and you aren't even 30 yet.
He doesn't have enough money to financially support both his child/ex and yourself.
Imo, you still have at least 5 years of your youth to enjoy before getting tied down to a 35+ year old.
because all of the issues were small at the time and I thought i could fix them. But they piled up and now I’m drowning in them
$100k+ but could only afford something very small on your own?
Any kind of kink has to be consensual and talked about/agreed upon.
It is okay to have a thing for these type of fantasies, but not wanting them to be real. If that’s ur boundary, and you should be able to communicate this to ur partner and have them respect it. Ideally stuff like this should only happen if you have enough of a basis of trust and sense of security for it to not cause issues like this.
I don’t think this is going in the right direction in terms of harmless play. You are feeling hurt and insecure, and not without reason.
You can try addressing your issues with your Bf, say what your boundaries are, that you want things to be fantasy only etc. Whatever you would need to still on-line out this “kink” but be happy with it. Or put a full stop to it if that’s what you feel most comfortable with. He either respects this or there is no reason for you to stay with him.
Either way I would seriously reconsider being with someone like this, it does not seem like harmless play at all from what your describing… sending love.
Stay broken up sis!
I don’t know why grown ass women put up with men like this.
It's advice I've received myself before and has done wonders in helping me understand my partner, family and friends more clearly than I had before so happy to pass it along. I hope it helps bring you peace as well.
Focus on something else. Are you in college – throw yourself into your classes. Start volunteering. Pick up exercising. Start reading all the books you haven’t. Plan a trip. Declutter your place. Picks set amount of time you’ll give him for space (I saw a few weeks at most) and throw yourself into other shit. When that date comes up on your calendar and if you still haven’t heard from him send “I wish you nothing but the best and to figure your shit out, but I can’t wait around forever. I don’t want to. Read up with you via text, but I’m respecting your space.”
Most women orgasm from oral only. There is only so much you can do with mounth and fingers before you physically cannot anymore. Guys orgssm more quickly that is just the reality. Even with partners I have been with that do orgasm with 5 or 10 minutes some days, it just does not happen for whatever reason.
Thank you for this input and sharing your friend’s experience. I definitely will be considering this issue deeply over the next few weeks. I won’t be able to reach out in the immediate future. Things ended badly with my ex (he hurled personal insults at me/majorly gaslighted me) and I get distressed at the thought of putting myself at risk of being back in the bad mental state that this emotional abuse caused. However, I definitely would want to know if the roles were reversed and this is what weighs on my conscience. I am listening and taking on board to all the advice given to me here and by my friends/family.