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Dani or Daniela, 27 y.o.
Location: Medellin, Colombia
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OP you’re definitely leaving out a lot of context and most likely glossing over what’s really going on
That it's arranged now so end of. 🙁
You definitely need help. But not from Reddit. You need a therapist competent in the field of porn addiction.
A few pieces of advice, if I may. Exercise every day. Stay away from social media and places where you are exposed to things which make you horny. Whenever you feel the blood pumping in your head, put your trainers and go running. Not on a treadmill; OUTSIDE. Release your horniness only when your gf returns home. As much as possible, do not be alone. Otherwise you will be tempted to jack off.
Destroy every pornographic material you have. Cancel any similar subscription.
Porn wrecks people's minds and relationships. Stay away from it.
Because studying her work and it sounds like that's already too much for her.
First, assuming you don’t want to have ED, get checked by a Dr who can assess why you have ED. Don’t go the “Internet MD” route of random & supposed ED fixes.
You had this issue long bf you had this GF. I’m sure she’s wondered why you seem to accept you have ED & haven’t tried to resolve it. GF shouldn’t have spoken to you that way & I imagine she’s frustrated in a number of ways, but she was wrong to talk to you that way.
It’s over man, unfortunately that’s the way it is. However, you need to put yourself and your kids first now. I’m not saying be an asshole, but definitely get a lawyer ASAP. She wants it to end, fine, but you did nothing wrong and our legal system unfortunately disadvantages fathers heavily. Make sure you get terms for childcare and for your finances in writing and make them ironclad. I can’t imagine how hurt you feel rn, but don’t let that leave you in a weak position during the legal proceedings. Lawyer up and make sure you get everything documented so you guys come apart fairly.
If he is cool and casual with giving you pinworms. A living parasite. Who’s to say he wouldnt be casual about giving you an std? After all. This entire post is about his pleasure and disregarding your comfort.
This is a grown man we are talking about. He cannot take care of his hygiene or be mindful if your wellbeing? It’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
I did this when my wife first joined reddit. She was hesitant about joining and I wanted her to feel encouraged.
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You’ve dodged a huge bullet. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now but this man will only bring you stress and misery. When you are healed and ready you will find someone else who will show you that it’s possible to commit all your love and energy to one person. Don’t let him use you as a booty call either.
For it to be classed as delusion, there has to be NOTHING there. Stop using words you don’t know the meaning of.
Yeah, that’s pretty much what I said. I’m never concerned about her going out anywhere, because she’s always been so forthcoming and I never had a reason to. I also feel very comfortable with the fact that I know she is very into me.
I suppose the whole thing is bothersome, however, because she lied about a very normal thing she does, repeatedly. For what it’s worth, she was apologetic. At this point, I’m just wondering why. But maybe, as the other Reddit or pointed out, it might be best to not think too much about it.
Probably a difference of our surroundings but I rarely see men shirtless in public (in a non swimming setting) for any reason other than vanity. It’s implicitly frowned upon, and the men able to pierce through the taboo are generally doing it because they are douchebags
This is not something you can just come to an agreement on. Either both sides need to have that want for children? Or you don't have. If you don't want kids, you don't want kids.
It’s a yeast infection why are you guys both acting over-dramatic about it?
whats your age gap and ages? out of curiosity.
Why would she not be doing good? Did a good friend totally abandon her without telling her or something?
A normal partner would have followed you, or taken you there themselves, or continued to argue with you and potentially barter a trade off, maybe call your parents to try and talk sense into you, but ultimately, anyone who respected you would still let you make your own mind up.
Aged out and became a real mom and human being that he cant manipulate and control anymore because real life gets in the way.
He's not being a partner at all op.
If I’d break up with him, I know he would fire me immediately
Yeah, that's a fucked up power dynamic and does not reflect well on your BF at all.
Honestly, I'd just start getting the CV out there and separate yourself from this. Get the new job, break up from the dead relationship and start a new page. Maybe suggest M does the same as the company seems pretty insular and toxic.
Get yourself sorted first, M can get himself sorted too. After the dust has settled then maybe see if there's something worth pursuing with M.
Agreeing whole heartedly here. It's all about communication.
I would put my foot down and make it clear that if Ex is at holiday events, I will not be coming. Let your extended family make the choice between ex lover and wife of 12 years.
Haha, do it. I bet they pick the one who isn't making a big ass deal about this.
what did you lie about?
and no, blocking each other on everything is not “common” after fights. that's toxic
If they feel like that they have to communicate it. The other partner is not a medium.
I kind of have a jerky brain.
It will jump conclusions and I end up saying things connected to what the other person just said 3 conclusion ahead, mixing them up often.
What realky helps me to slow down is a question: “Oh, how did you get there? Weren't we just saying this and that?”
It makes me reverse gear explain my conclusions/ thoughts and take the other one back on board.
Side effect: brain is able to listen to Chinese TV shows, read english subs and store new Chinese vocabulary away ready to use in German. (I don't speak Chinese, actually. It's just a fun passtime to watch foreign culture shows. But I do speak German and English.)
That just to tell you what a weirdo machines our brains can be and how they are able to do marvellous things nobody is able to explain.
What’s his reason for not telling you?
They brought it up especially the mortgage thing. So either they said things they wanted me to say or they actually had these goals
Tell. Him.
Drop him like a naked potato. You can do so much better than a married guy who may, or may not, ever get divorced. He's too old for you, also.
This sounds very fake. I can not believe that you went to a lawyer who said ‘ah, the ONS is harassing you to be in the child’s life, do nothing.’
A halfway decent lawyer would tell him to establish paternity one way or another and sort out custody and child support through lawyers and not via harassment. That’s literally what family lawyers do, sort out legal family issues… like custody.
Yup and I didn’t. I said that 6 weeks ago
How is your son used against you? Get a legal custody order in place. Sounds like your making excuses not to leave.
“He’s a good and patient man outside of that”. Wow, your love for him shines through! I’m being sarcastic of course. If you would have said something more wonderful about this man, I’d say Ok, maybe he’s worth it. But good and patient? I don’t think. Especially because “outside of that” is a smothering, controlling mother who’ll make your life miserable. And he’ll always put her first. You’re in a three way relationship and your partners are not worth it. I’d leave.
Just end it, you’ll end up in a weird triangle relationship with his mom or he’ll expect you to take over mothering him.
And you weren’t one of the people at the apartment….for reasons
I think you should take a BIG step back and breath. Your emotions are TOTALLY VALID. This is weird, not very considerate, and not okay for any friend to act as facilitator for something like this. BUT THEY ARE THE WEIRD ONES, You GF was dealing with a BIZARRE and UNCOMFORTABLE situation, and a situation where a man was expressing CREEPY interest in her. Get on the same page as her, because she was trying to do the best WITH A SITUATION THAT HAS NO RELATIONAL NORM. Look, could she have handled it in a way that made you feel better? Maybe, but that's up to to you do identify and then ASK FOR FUTURE CONSIDERATION. But you're on the same team, and she probably felt WEIRD, targeted, awkward, confused, when it happened and freezing or trying to pretend it never happened, especially when everyone else in the situation was treating it like it was normal and a politeness issue not, A CREEPY MAN EXPRESSING BOUNDARY-IGNORING INTEREST IN YOUR GF. I cannot stress enough how many weird emotions stuff like that evokes and how she was PROBABLY CONFUSED trying to figure out how to JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY. Good luck, I hope you can be a support to her rather than an antagonist while she sorts this out in her friend group.
Just keep seeing each other, right? Make plans for a fourth date and keep it moving.
Sounds like you knew she wasn’t into it before you got married. What makes you think she is the one who needs to change here?
I have never had a male friend not try and make a move on me at some point.
The thing that gets me is where he told her that she wouldn’t understand because she’s “not s man.” Like being a man somehow makes his shitty behavior OK.
OP, seriously, you deserve so much better treatment than this guy. He’s an alcoholic and a cheater with horrible morals. It’s going to take him a lot of work to change his behavior. I hope he succeeds but you don’t have to be there getting hurt while he tries.
Don’t stay with him for his daughter’s sake. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
I did, but not from 2 weeks ago. Those don't appear on feed if you follow over 300 people
Have your brother send you an eticket via email and open that sucker when you get to the airport. Don’t tell anyone and leave everything.
RUN
We aren't legally married but thank you for the advice!