Your wife is a middle aged woman whose husband pays a lot of attention to a younger woman that he calls his best friend and whom he also works with every day.
Why does it surprise you that she feels uncomfortable with this relationship?
Holy FUCK are you me?? the exact same fucking thing and I mean WORD FOR WORD happened to me last month. i had to break it off because it hurt so fucking bad staying. you deserve better.
p.s. i already did it for you so let me tell you DO NOT reach out to him. in my situation, same as yours, he has no problem not reaching out, and when i did i was met with disappointment after disappointment. i am keeping him as a friend as we have a large friend circle, and he has been a decent friend, but i have moved on emotionally. he is not a partner i will ever be with again. not sure what your situation is but you should probably cut him ALL the way the fuck out.
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Yes that I definitely know. I think I will try and talk to M and tell him that we need to keep our distance and that this wouldn’t work out well for anybody.
I have no interest in religion of any sort, I just don't think it makes any sense to trust someone who's essentially saying they don't plan on being there.
I didn't change the context of the relationship. Our relationship drifted apart when he got together with his now fiance, which was 7 years ago. We weren't super close anymore when I got married.
OP did not overhear his session. She heard her name and actively made the decision to lay there for 30 minutes and keep on listening. This is not a “oops, I heard one sentence I shouldn’t have as I was waking up, fuck.” It’s a decision OP made to massively violate his trust for the reasons that “he did it close to the door” and “I heard my name.”
It’s a big red flag that you would not disclose violations of trust like that and suggest other people should not disclose either.
So she likes to get angry. People like this are impossible to communicate with because anger is a secondary emotion and something she won't acknowledge is going on underneath. This is a bigger issue and she should talk about this in therapy, not your bro. If she can't mature up and be cordial, and watch her overreactions, she's going to alienate herself.
You approach the situation by growing the fuck up.
It's a regular-ass diary, not just some personal, penthouse forum collection of her own exploits. She's allowed to record her own private thoughts about her life which includes her sex life.
Why does it matter at all to you? It has zero impact on your relationship.
So I smoked outside on the balcony but we both agreed that I would not do it. I pretty much understood at the time that she means the balcony as well. She had left for work and I thought I would smoke because she's not there and there is no way she will smell it 8 hours later. She came back because she forgot some files and saw me smoking outside. She got angry, left for work and told me it is over. I left the house at night since she had the keys to the other house and I left mine with my parents since they were visiting. It was an awkward dinner and then I left after taking my keys from her.
Don’t apologize; that was exceptionally well written. I think your post really penetrates to the core of the issue.
Given his age, it sounds almost like a cognitive or developmental impairment, not the kind of thing that’s going to change anytime soon.
I’ve taught students 1:1 who exhibit similar traits, and it’s an uphill battle with a lot of “translation” work on my part to map normative experiences of the world onto my students’ capabilities and cognition. Often, the differences are subtle, and it takes months or years to tease them out. So I’m not surprised that this was a long process for you.
I think the question you have to answer is actually not “who is this person I’m dating“ — because you’ve done a wonderful job of that — but “how do I feel about dating this person“? Now that you know who he is and what he is, are you OK with it? Does he provide enough to satisfy your physical, emotional, and intimate needs? Are you willing to accept his limitations and seek others to fill in the gaps that he cannot provide?
I don’t think any of us here can answer those questions on your behalf, but please don’t feel bad about whatever your conclusion is. Intellectual, aesthetic, and philosophical connection is important.
Yeah i did tell her that. At first i was being honest when she forced me to and she said it's fine w it if she can't meet him. Ig he works at a field that she's interested in and she also asked me if i could tag along and we'll go out in a public space. Still i have my concerns. She also asked me when I'm free so she can adjust the time if the guy wanted to meet her. I don't want to do this but Ig i have to bring my “arm” in case something happens because honest to god i don't want to lose her or repeat what happened before.
Yeah i did tell her that. At first i was being honest when she forced me to and she said it's fine w it if she can't meet him. Ig he works at a field that she's interested in and she also asked me if i could tag along and we'll go out in a public space. Still i have my concerns. She also asked me when I'm free so she can adjust the time if the guy wanted to meet her. I don't want to do this but Ig i have to bring my “arm” in case something happens because honest to god i don't want to lose her or repeat what happened before.
Age diff a hard no from me dog. Different stages of life.
nitpickers will always be nitpickers. Trust me, I dated one that wanted to marry me, until he could no longer tolerate my “flaws”. Dump him before he dumps you over stupid shit. And date in your own age group
Just a few thoughts. Sounds like you both make jokes at the other's expense, is this your passive aggressive way of communicating with each other? Why did your joke upset him so much? I don't understand, feel like we're missing some background info. No, what he did wasn't okay but I would start by looking at why he had such an extreme reaction to what you said and I suspect it goes deeper than an off handed joke, sounds like he felt deeply insulted, attacked. No, you don't end a marriage over this especially when you have kids, but I do think it goes deeper, I suspect there's a problem in your marriage and there's a lot of anger that's not being addressed.
You're not mature enough to be in a committed relationship, and it sounds like she is doing the slow breakaway dance. She's probably finally realized she's too good for you and doesn't have to put up with this crap. You should try to work through your serial cheating issues before you date again.
Don’t do it
Also, personally I think him talking about the smell thing is a load of bullshit.
you should break up
Your wife is a middle aged woman whose husband pays a lot of attention to a younger woman that he calls his best friend and whom he also works with every day.
Why does it surprise you that she feels uncomfortable with this relationship?
I was about to say this! Absolutely nobody on 90 Day Fiancé admit to using someone for a green card but they all do! ???
Holy FUCK are you me?? the exact same fucking thing and I mean WORD FOR WORD happened to me last month. i had to break it off because it hurt so fucking bad staying. you deserve better.
p.s. i already did it for you so let me tell you DO NOT reach out to him. in my situation, same as yours, he has no problem not reaching out, and when i did i was met with disappointment after disappointment. i am keeping him as a friend as we have a large friend circle, and he has been a decent friend, but i have moved on emotionally. he is not a partner i will ever be with again. not sure what your situation is but you should probably cut him ALL the way the fuck out.
Block her and move away from the drama.
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It won’t matter the second she’s born.
Oof, can’t unsee
Wow, that wasn't in the original post. That's massively fucked up. What a nasty individual.
Yes that I definitely know. I think I will try and talk to M and tell him that we need to keep our distance and that this wouldn’t work out well for anybody.
She posted it four times. She’s so beautiful, it needs repeating.
Happy cake day
I have no interest in religion of any sort, I just don't think it makes any sense to trust someone who's essentially saying they don't plan on being there.
Thank you for the summary! I tend to ramble
I didn't change the context of the relationship. Our relationship drifted apart when he got together with his now fiance, which was 7 years ago. We weren't super close anymore when I got married.
OP did not overhear his session. She heard her name and actively made the decision to lay there for 30 minutes and keep on listening. This is not a “oops, I heard one sentence I shouldn’t have as I was waking up, fuck.” It’s a decision OP made to massively violate his trust for the reasons that “he did it close to the door” and “I heard my name.”
It’s a big red flag that you would not disclose violations of trust like that and suggest other people should not disclose either.
Oh, ffs. Parents need outlets without their kids around. Thinking that parents are some kind of pure, perfect people is so stupidly toxic.
So she likes to get angry. People like this are impossible to communicate with because anger is a secondary emotion and something she won't acknowledge is going on underneath. This is a bigger issue and she should talk about this in therapy, not your bro. If she can't mature up and be cordial, and watch her overreactions, she's going to alienate herself.
I had to get out in the end
Maybe he thinks he isn’t good enough to be your friend
You approach the situation by growing the fuck up.
It's a regular-ass diary, not just some personal, penthouse forum collection of her own exploits. She's allowed to record her own private thoughts about her life which includes her sex life.
Why does it matter at all to you? It has zero impact on your relationship.
Bro she participated in that threesome, good thing she’s only a girlfriend and not a wife.
So I smoked outside on the balcony but we both agreed that I would not do it. I pretty much understood at the time that she means the balcony as well. She had left for work and I thought I would smoke because she's not there and there is no way she will smell it 8 hours later. She came back because she forgot some files and saw me smoking outside. She got angry, left for work and told me it is over. I left the house at night since she had the keys to the other house and I left mine with my parents since they were visiting. It was an awkward dinner and then I left after taking my keys from her.
Trust your fucking gut
But also in 10 years, if you guys are thinking about divorce, just think back to this moment
Don’t apologize; that was exceptionally well written. I think your post really penetrates to the core of the issue.
Given his age, it sounds almost like a cognitive or developmental impairment, not the kind of thing that’s going to change anytime soon.
I’ve taught students 1:1 who exhibit similar traits, and it’s an uphill battle with a lot of “translation” work on my part to map normative experiences of the world onto my students’ capabilities and cognition. Often, the differences are subtle, and it takes months or years to tease them out. So I’m not surprised that this was a long process for you.
I think the question you have to answer is actually not “who is this person I’m dating“ — because you’ve done a wonderful job of that — but “how do I feel about dating this person“? Now that you know who he is and what he is, are you OK with it? Does he provide enough to satisfy your physical, emotional, and intimate needs? Are you willing to accept his limitations and seek others to fill in the gaps that he cannot provide?
I don’t think any of us here can answer those questions on your behalf, but please don’t feel bad about whatever your conclusion is. Intellectual, aesthetic, and philosophical connection is important.
Yeah i did tell her that. At first i was being honest when she forced me to and she said it's fine w it if she can't meet him. Ig he works at a field that she's interested in and she also asked me if i could tag along and we'll go out in a public space. Still i have my concerns. She also asked me when I'm free so she can adjust the time if the guy wanted to meet her. I don't want to do this but Ig i have to bring my “arm” in case something happens because honest to god i don't want to lose her or repeat what happened before.
Yeah i did tell her that. At first i was being honest when she forced me to and she said it's fine w it if she can't meet him. Ig he works at a field that she's interested in and she also asked me if i could tag along and we'll go out in a public space. Still i have my concerns. She also asked me when I'm free so she can adjust the time if the guy wanted to meet her. I don't want to do this but Ig i have to bring my “arm” in case something happens because honest to god i don't want to lose her or repeat what happened before.
Age diff a hard no from me dog. Different stages of life.
nitpickers will always be nitpickers. Trust me, I dated one that wanted to marry me, until he could no longer tolerate my “flaws”. Dump him before he dumps you over stupid shit. And date in your own age group
No problem.
You know him regarding the things that genuinely matter in a relationship.
Best of luck to you.
Take care!
Just a few thoughts. Sounds like you both make jokes at the other's expense, is this your passive aggressive way of communicating with each other? Why did your joke upset him so much? I don't understand, feel like we're missing some background info. No, what he did wasn't okay but I would start by looking at why he had such an extreme reaction to what you said and I suspect it goes deeper than an off handed joke, sounds like he felt deeply insulted, attacked. No, you don't end a marriage over this especially when you have kids, but I do think it goes deeper, I suspect there's a problem in your marriage and there's a lot of anger that's not being addressed.
Yeah, it’s definitely better for you not to take responsibility for your words and them to be smart enough to understand asking is a bad idea.
What the ever loving F are you doing entertaining this nonsense? Lordy lord ????
You're not mature enough to be in a committed relationship, and it sounds like she is doing the slow breakaway dance. She's probably finally realized she's too good for you and doesn't have to put up with this crap. You should try to work through your serial cheating issues before you date again.