Damn, I’m sorry, that sucks. Honestly in my opinion I think you should tell him he is being lazy in the bedroom and you are tired of it. You deserve the sex you want and you shouldn’t be afraid to demand it. Do you really want to spend years with a man who isn’t willing to fuck you the way you want to be fucked?
That said, I’m not telling you to breakup with him right away. Give him it as an ultimatum, he either eats and fucks you or there will be no sex. If he is so selfish and stubborn that he accepts no sex then it’s time to leave him in my opinion.
I understand your worries. You dont have lots of experience in relationships I guess. At least that's what i felt. Anyhow, you have to go for it, i mean go for the challenge. All relationships carry a certain degree of risk, where you may find yourself alone in a split of a second, after a betrayal or after a big fight. That's life. So be strong, and always be ready for the worst scenario, as well as for the best scenario, and good luck 🙂
My cousin married a Canadian (we’re Australian) and EVERY single family member including cousins and close friends were interviewed on whether we all thought the relationship was genuine before he was granted dual residency
So in other words don’t think they won’t find out about this arrangement because I guarantee you they will
Yes the visa process is long and convoluted but I actually think she’s doing you a favor by telling you she’s not in this for the long haul
Cancel the visa application and find someone who won’t throw in the towel at the first hurdle
As others have said you deserve more to be someone’s back up
Sad to say, but trust your dog over your man! Your dog is following instinct and that is to protect you. The boyfriend needs to understand and cut him some slack.
I'm sorry you're going though this man. Armed forces has a high rate of divorce due to just this. Being gone for months on end can really stress a relationship out. Hell, even when I was traveling a every once in a while as a Network engineer bugged my then gf a bit.
As far as reasoning, just consider yourself being at home alone for months at a time. Your brain either starts longing or gets used to being alone. It's why people have kids in these situations – while not the best reason, kids do provide companionship or at least distraction.
It's very well possible she got lonely as well and found someone. Sure you don't want to hear this, but I'm sure you considered it.
It sounds like she's convinced herself that it's over and has mentally prepared herself for it. You stop pretending or attempting to be hospitable at that point. Emotionally, coming to terms with leaving someone requires a certain amount of emotional separation. You no longer say 'I love you' kiss, hold hands.. all these things brings you back, and you've decided to move forward.
Again, sorry man. Couple counseling and/or reminder when your term is finished is a good start. If her mind is set though, you're fighting an uphill battle.
If the LDR is worth anything, they will be understanding and supportive. Besides, if things don't work out (Europe to America is serious LD) YOU'LL be the one kicking yourself for not maintaining your pace and possibly losing steam/interest in your education and may never go back.
I’m sorry but this does not sound too promising. No one goes from one extreme to another in values and ideals within a matter of hours. The only people you see that from normally are abusers. They hurt you….love bomb and get you back in their good graces and over and over again.
I agree with this but also, if over a month or a few months you find that he is putting the effort in but you just can't relax/see him the same way, that's not your fault and a perfectly valid reason to leave.
I had a similar thing recently with someone and eventually just had to say ‘look, I know this thing has been difficult but I’m not sure you realise that 99% of the things you say to me these days are negative and it’s starting to have a negative affect on me. I’m happy to hear about and talk about things that are bothering you but having the majority of what you say to me be negative things makes me anxious and constantly feel like I have to fix things that are out of my control’.
shes just a bit older she can still care about me my sister is 20 and she cares about my well being my dad is old and he cares about me whats the difference people care bout others no matter the age
He was kidding. He actually adored my husband, as my husband is in the same line of business my dad was, so he loved having someone to 'talk shop' with.
You are spot on on the not everyone is geared towards being a SAHM, yet most the times my husband sexted, he was sober. The last time we had had a minor disagreement about Mother’s Day and I was out walking our baby. When I was making good money and was ready to leave, I discovered I was pregnant (we tried for months) I will work on eventually getting back to being independent and make a smart decision then.
Your insecurities about yourself are just that and shouldn't dictate anything that he's doing… If you both agree that porn or OF is off limits then that's a relationship boundary. It's easy to get wrapped up in controlling your partner and that's how you get a toxic relationship so maybe you both should have a discussion about agreeable boundaries. If you can't be with somebody who watches porn or OF and he doesn't agree that that's a reasonable thing to give up, then You both just aren't the right match for each other and it doesn't need to affect yourself image. It just means that this person's not your future and that's okay
Damn, I’m sorry, that sucks. Honestly in my opinion I think you should tell him he is being lazy in the bedroom and you are tired of it. You deserve the sex you want and you shouldn’t be afraid to demand it. Do you really want to spend years with a man who isn’t willing to fuck you the way you want to be fucked?
That said, I’m not telling you to breakup with him right away. Give him it as an ultimatum, he either eats and fucks you or there will be no sex. If he is so selfish and stubborn that he accepts no sex then it’s time to leave him in my opinion.
I understand your worries. You dont have lots of experience in relationships I guess. At least that's what i felt. Anyhow, you have to go for it, i mean go for the challenge. All relationships carry a certain degree of risk, where you may find yourself alone in a split of a second, after a betrayal or after a big fight. That's life. So be strong, and always be ready for the worst scenario, as well as for the best scenario, and good luck 🙂
Girl you deserve better. Go.
this
My cousin married a Canadian (we’re Australian) and EVERY single family member including cousins and close friends were interviewed on whether we all thought the relationship was genuine before he was granted dual residency
So in other words don’t think they won’t find out about this arrangement because I guarantee you they will
Yes the visa process is long and convoluted but I actually think she’s doing you a favor by telling you she’s not in this for the long haul
Cancel the visa application and find someone who won’t throw in the towel at the first hurdle
As others have said you deserve more to be someone’s back up
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you and OP find/have the peace you need.
Sad to say, but trust your dog over your man! Your dog is following instinct and that is to protect you. The boyfriend needs to understand and cut him some slack.
Sometimes it's just really nice to watch porn and go solo.
But only after knocking her up
I think he meant in the aspect of where (she expects it to be on vacation so he probably feels forced to do it on vacation now).
Ugh, these fake names and the unnecessary detail. Clearly OP things this is a fascinating drama but… it’s nothing.
If the lease isn't up soon enough, talk to the landlord about potentially breaking it early. Good luck
I'm sorry you're going though this man. Armed forces has a high rate of divorce due to just this. Being gone for months on end can really stress a relationship out. Hell, even when I was traveling a every once in a while as a Network engineer bugged my then gf a bit.
As far as reasoning, just consider yourself being at home alone for months at a time. Your brain either starts longing or gets used to being alone. It's why people have kids in these situations – while not the best reason, kids do provide companionship or at least distraction.
It's very well possible she got lonely as well and found someone. Sure you don't want to hear this, but I'm sure you considered it.
It sounds like she's convinced herself that it's over and has mentally prepared herself for it. You stop pretending or attempting to be hospitable at that point. Emotionally, coming to terms with leaving someone requires a certain amount of emotional separation. You no longer say 'I love you' kiss, hold hands.. all these things brings you back, and you've decided to move forward.
Again, sorry man. Couple counseling and/or reminder when your term is finished is a good start. If her mind is set though, you're fighting an uphill battle.
Hence why I said *most guys
?Scotty doesn’t know?
he decided he didn't want me there
Doesn't this clear up a lot of uncertainties for the two of you ?
Yeah OP you should pop over to the raised by narcissists and I think you'll learn a thing or two..
Education first, LDR second.
If the LDR is worth anything, they will be understanding and supportive. Besides, if things don't work out (Europe to America is serious LD) YOU'LL be the one kicking yourself for not maintaining your pace and possibly losing steam/interest in your education and may never go back.
It'll be your problem, not his.
Just the musing of a 35M passing by.
This is going to end in so much trauma and heartache. You need to break this off and keep it broken off.
I’m sorry but this does not sound too promising. No one goes from one extreme to another in values and ideals within a matter of hours. The only people you see that from normally are abusers. They hurt you….love bomb and get you back in their good graces and over and over again.
I agree with this but also, if over a month or a few months you find that he is putting the effort in but you just can't relax/see him the same way, that's not your fault and a perfectly valid reason to leave.
Especially with how rude she was about it.
I had a similar thing recently with someone and eventually just had to say ‘look, I know this thing has been difficult but I’m not sure you realise that 99% of the things you say to me these days are negative and it’s starting to have a negative affect on me. I’m happy to hear about and talk about things that are bothering you but having the majority of what you say to me be negative things makes me anxious and constantly feel like I have to fix things that are out of my control’.
You both are clearly too immature for an adult relationship.
She is never going to shake this, even if she says it’s fine. Cue nose dive of this relationship.
shes just a bit older she can still care about me my sister is 20 and she cares about my well being my dad is old and he cares about me whats the difference people care bout others no matter the age
He was kidding. He actually adored my husband, as my husband is in the same line of business my dad was, so he loved having someone to 'talk shop' with.
You are spot on on the not everyone is geared towards being a SAHM, yet most the times my husband sexted, he was sober. The last time we had had a minor disagreement about Mother’s Day and I was out walking our baby. When I was making good money and was ready to leave, I discovered I was pregnant (we tried for months) I will work on eventually getting back to being independent and make a smart decision then.
Your insecurities about yourself are just that and shouldn't dictate anything that he's doing… If you both agree that porn or OF is off limits then that's a relationship boundary. It's easy to get wrapped up in controlling your partner and that's how you get a toxic relationship so maybe you both should have a discussion about agreeable boundaries. If you can't be with somebody who watches porn or OF and he doesn't agree that that's a reasonable thing to give up, then You both just aren't the right match for each other and it doesn't need to affect yourself image. It just means that this person's not your future and that's okay
She’s for the streets now bruh. Leave her and go find someone you can trust and is worthy of your love