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Birth Date: 2004-05-26
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Is your desire to not get married greater than your desire to be with your partner forever?
That’s all it comes down to. If she really wants to get married, you need to choose her and marriage or no her and no marriage.
If you’re ambivalent about marriage then it should be an easy choice. If you’re totally against it, you might need to work for your reasons for that and decide if they supersede your desire for your partner.
Unfortunately yes, he often prioritizes his personal projects before me.
I feel good enough about her and how things are going to not immediately bail I don't think. So we'll see what happens when I bring up, assuming we land on the topic again. She isn't really one to sleep around a bunch which is backed up by things her friends have said; they remarked that it was shocking that we started sleeping together so quickly.
I think she's afraid that I will move on and feels the need to knock me down a peg. I probably shouldn't be ok with that, but at the same time, idk? I enjoy seeing her and all the other time spent outside of this subject matter lol
Lol I knew what she meant but my plan worked I made someone laugh yay
And yes, the maturity levels here are questionable
Not really 2 months, this is more like over the course of 5 to 6ish months. And now she did not sabotage the condoms. She just wouldn't do that. And I have told her. Just thought I would post it here to see a variety of opinions. This whole thing is terrifying.
That seems realistic honestly, i agree.
My stepmother did this and it worked. My Mom and him haven't spoken in like 15+ years. Then when informed my father that if his wife could not be civil to my mother at my wedding (she had a habit of making nasty internet posts about his time married to my mother – mind you at this point they'd been divorced for well over 20 years) that she would be removed and while I would be sad about it, I would understand if he had to leave then as well. He said he understood. Then he called me back the next day and freaked out on me (likely at the behest of his wife) and canceled his plans to attend my wedding. That was over 4 years ago and was the last time I ever spoke to my father. As far as I'm concerned, it's the last time I ever will speak to him.
Be very careful with how you handle this. Your lifelong relationship with your children hangs in the balance.
We don't do this with straight people and it doesn't become our entire identify.
Not really comparable unless their into something niche like pegging, it's pretty much the same way each time in different positions
Well, if you’re unwilling to do anything I guess you’ll have to get used to it.
How should I tell her? Like how should I phrase it.
Oh, FFS. If this is what sets the two of you off, no way are you ready for marriage.
If you're keeping it, yes you need to tell him at some point. If you're not, you don't. If you're unsure, you don't need to tell him yet.
If you're not, then telling him just invites issues. If you are, he deserves to know he's gonna have a kid out there and to prepare for that.
There's a lot of missing context here in terms of what your intentions are and how you'd like to handle this, so I can't get much more specific without just iterating through a massive list of possibilities. If you want good advice, you need to give full context.
To hell with that girl, damn, there’s loads of girls out there and they are wayyyyyyy better than that one
It's only been 3 months — that's still relatively early for a relationship. Stay strong and give it time. Either they'll come around, or they don't but it doesn't matter if she's moved out by then.
The mom likes you, that matters. Continue to be sweet and polite to her. At some point the mom may speak up to the family.
Another thing: how old is her brother? If he is much younger then he is more likely to be impressional and open to change.
When it comes to a gift-giving occasion (Christmas, birthday etc) maybe they will change if you give them something they like. Maybe they won't, Idk but the best you can do now is enjoy your time with your girl.
It may also help if they learn you're into her for her. You like her for her personality, hobbies, and beliefs. You like her as a person. Maybe they're worried that you're fetishsizing her (still racist to assume when nothing indicates so). You can research more about her cultural traditions, but DONT be the first to bring it up infront of them or they might think you are “whitesplaining” or something ridiculous. Research beforehand so that you have questions ready to show them you are interested in learning their culture (again DONT be the first to bring it up, it's just a good card to have if an opportunity for you comes up)
First off, sending love. I skimmed and would like to reply later ?
It feels weird to me that he doesn’t post about you. But that may well be me projecting. I don’t have solid advice. But I do think you’re feelings are very valid, and it isn’t a good sign that he’s not really willing to hear you on this.
Sounds like your boyfriend might controlling/abusive. Let him stay gone. Hopefully your new job benefits include access to therapy.
You cannot back down on this.
You seem to recognise that his behaviour, regarding this, will influence your children's behaviour as they grow but not thought about the way he treats you is also teaching them what they should accept as part of being in a healthy relationship…. His controlling behaviour will be showing your children that this is the norm for relationships. Your capitulation and allowance models to your children how a wife “should” be.
You need to seek individual and couple therapy as to why things have gotten to this point.
She might be a sub
We’ve actually had conversations where he’d joke that he is. The more he opens up with himself he thinks he’ll be diagnosed with something once he goes to the GP. He’s also hoping it’ll lead to a therapist. thank you for your reply!
2 years – not long enough to be expecting a proposal.
You have “psychiatric conditions” maybe he doesn’t want to get married until they are sorted or under control
Are you still in university? Do you have a job? These are also things that he might be waiting for.
Do you think there's another reason he's not interested?
yeah, car sex sucks..
I don't normally say this, but if I were in your shoes, I'll definitely end the relationship – definitely call off the wedding. I'd rather be with someone who loves me more than I love him, equally is ideal. But for him to admit that in a heartbeat without hesitation? Nope, naked pass. I'd rather be alone than THAT.
Yeah you tricked him.
What do you want him to say? He probably loved his ex. Her betrayal ended the relationship.
If there was no betrayal he would never have met you.
That was a dumb question to get upset about.
How is this porn? We are not having sex, not licking or sucking, nothing. We didn't even kiss!
I really don't know how the finances will work out. And the idea of displacing the kids makes me sick.
Dating is an interview process. The point is to get to know people to see if you're a fit and you're compatible. If he “didn't like” most of them, that means they're not right for him.
I think you're going out of your way to create a problem where one doesn't exist. First, who cares if she takes the relationship seriously or not? Second, he asked her out, she said now, and he carried on living his life. Is he supposed to wallow in misery over a rejection for a year?
It's completely unreasonable for you ask to see chats. Either you trust him or you don't. If you continue like this, this won't last long. Good luck.
You need to break up. Being drunk is no excuse for this shitty behaviour. He didn't even see the light when he was sober. A bf must have your back. But instead he choosed his awful friends. Friends who makes fun, no bully you because you do a natural thing. Oh how dare you flew home. They had so many jokes prepared for the next days. If you were laughingwith them, okay, but you were crying, seeking for the help of the one who should support you and he did nothing. If he can'tevenhave your back in such a situation. When his friends and a stupid trip is more important, you should break up.
To think that he behaved like this with 28. I thought the were just out of teenager age, but he is nearly 30 and is so immature.
Something is definitely up. Just from reading those texts it sounds like he had a conversation with her about his feelings or attraction to her and she wasn’t as willing as him to cheat.
I’d definitely talk to her and find out.
News to you, she’s not your friend
I haven’t told him how I felt.
F*cking talk to your partner
I did communicate all of this with him and he was on board. I was more so making the point that I was the one to bring up making plans at all, which to me shows lack of interest, and I had no impression that he wasn’t interested in doing them. He says he loves going out with me and going to restaurants which is what was planned. However I see your point, obviously somewhere there was a misunderstanding and miscommunication about what we both wanted.
I’ve been in this situation before, in your girlfriend’s position in my current relationship. I love my man very much and I’m aware I’ll ask stupid anxiety driven questions and that’s exactly what happened. I had to overcome my jealousy/insecurity and look inward.
I’ve had the same amount of past partners as him, but what matters is what is now.
I needed to stop stressing and dwelling on the past so much and I did. I still have thoughts that tempt me to anxiety spiral but I snap out of it because I know it’s dumb. She will need to find her own way out of this problem of hers, you’re fine man. Goodluck.
If this isn’t a troll post, it’s your poor boyfriend I feel sorry for.
Yeah so that’s called codependency.
For those of us who have codependent tendencies, it’s always easier and feels better to go help someone else and ignore our own feelings.
And when you’ve been in a caregiver role for a long time, it’s quite challenging when that aspect of your life comes to an end.
This isn’t the same but it’s the best equivalent example I can give. I had a really nice dog for 14 years. The last few years of his life, he couldn’t be left alone for more than 2 hours, he required a lot of attention and support and special meds and special foods and….our whole life revolved around him. When he was gone, it was a hole. It took me more than a year to stop planning as if I needed to worry about him. Planning trips or even dinners with friends all of a sudden didn’t have the same limitations.
I worked in home health/hospice and losing a human is certainly different than a dog. But my point is that when you’re used to making all choices around another being and they’re gone, it just leaves a big hole and takes getting used to being more “free” and feeling guilty for liking it.
You weren't snooping for nothing. Something caused you to feel the need to look… Look what you found… Confront him. He fucked up big time.
Sorry man, but you’ve been replaced. Get out of this. She has chosen him over you at every turn.
He started first)
But 1 problem: he is very correct, and at the moment we don't on-line very close. At the same time, I hide the relationship from my parents, but they already want me to find a boyfriend. Everything is complicated here, just believe me. This is the mentality of my family.