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happy weekend//let’s have fun//get all my juices [98 tokens remaining]
You need to tell him. As far as you know, this child was created long before he met his new wife. It's unfair to both him and your child to withhold that from him. Just go for it, it will never be the right time. The time is now.
And he says he tried a few times as in more than once??
Fwiw, I have an uncle who is a fundamentalist preacher. I'm bisexual and he has issues with me being who I was born to be. In other words, he is a jackass.
I enjoy baiting him with Jesus' own words. š
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I'm 14(female) and my mom married someone twice her age(he's 60 she's 30) and this dude creeps me the hell out.
The first thing he asked when we met is if I was a virgin and i was immediately uncomfortable with that. Of course I am one but that was none of his business especially since we just met. I often catch him eyeing me up and he often says things that nobody his age should say about a girl who is barely a teenager.
He doesn't even hide the fact that he finds me attractive and my mom seems to not care since he made a song about how my butt turns him on and he proudly sings it in front of her. I sleep with my door locked because I genuinely don't trust him and he's yelled at me several times for locking the door but will never answer why he's trying to go into my room while I sleep.
I genuinely think that he is planning on doing something to me and my mom refuses to listen to anything I say about him. I need advice since none of my friends have any advice and idk who else I trust to go to.
Edit: thanks so much for all the support, im trying to read everyone's comments but I don't have the mental energy to go through all of them. As for reporting him I might try to do it when I return from winter break although I'm scared of the possibility of foster care.
Blue balls? What? No, he is fine. If he needs to he can take care of himself later. He sounds like a respectful dude — he knows you're not ready and he's not starting anything he can't handle. Speaking as someone raising a toddler, if my husband was gonna collapse in agony and suffering every time our sex gets interrupted I'd be a widow.
I was in a similar situation. Never dated, Christian background, had recently decided I didn't need to practice abstinence. My then-boyfriend-now-husband had dated several people before and had had plenty of sex. (Well, plenty compared to zero.)
I was open about the fact I wasn't ready, but was also upfront that I wasn't planning to wait until marriage either. He was perfectly fine with it. Every new “boundary,” he asked about. If I wasn't ready for something, he waited until I let him know. Took me 2 or 3 months to feel ready for sex, I think.
Just keep an open stream of communication. Talk about sex. There's plenty of things you can slowly introduce to build intimancy without jumping straight to full on sex. Talk about your anxieties and residual guilt. Get your contraception plans sorted. Take your journey day by day.
Yeah I am
Can you not move into the house with him, split his rent but not be officially a tenant? That seems like the best solution if he's okay with it, you won't need separate beds I assume, and if things do go south it's just you needing to move out not having to break a lease on a whole place.
Exactly. You can't make this shit up :))
Whenever I see a situation like this I always jump to the person cheating. They get so paranoid about their cheating that they have to know your private business to make sure youāre not also cheating on them. Why else would he want to look through your phone but his is off limits. Long story short, something isnāt adding up.
Heās projecting.
Take that childish shit and hit the road.
also before someone says not to care so much about girls i honestly care more about settling down and finding (or rekindling) the woman of my dreams more than anything else in life. i want to be loved by someone i fell the same way about. my wife loved me a lot at first. showed me what real love was and i accepted it slowly. she gave up. this was like the first year of our marriage. now i feel like iāve been fighting for it for the last three.
I think you should get some legal advice as soon as possible. Often the first consultation is free. I'm not sure what type of lawyer, but you could ask that here. Try to get an appointment before you have any more contact with her. If you do have contact with her, say calmly in no uncertain terms that you DID NOT assault her. Don't be rude, but be matter-of-fact. Tell her you need a break to think things over (and don't contact her or respond to any contact). She is very dangerous for you.
Get legal advice from a competent lawyer (there are ways to look up reviews/any reporting to the board/etc.) and do what the lawyer advises. If she's going to accuse you of a crime, which she's already done, then you must seek legal advice.
āWhy buy the cow if youāre getting the milk for freeā was a saying specifically invented for this very scenario.
Dump him but, expect him to rebound to someone else and be married within a year.
Iāve seen it happen many times.
Lying and cheating. Get a lawyer and new shrink.
I assure you: you can do better.
I donāt know you. Iām saying this because I wish someone said it to me: fundamentally, itās not just that your guy is gross: itās that you were willing to put up with it.
You can definitely change that. Changing him? Maybe not possible, and in a way, itās unnecessary.
Good travels
I don't think I really provide her with anything. She makes more money than I do. Her best friend makes a bit less, but she still makes good money. I know for a fact that she isn't with me for that. Her name is on the house since it came from her parents. I don't make her life better in any way. The only reason she has to stay with me is if she really did love me.
Eh, at least OP doesn't seem to be a huge asshole like Tom Buchanan was.
This dude is 43? Lmao he sounds 16
DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH HIM.
Ask him, “When you decide to play video games instead of cleaning up a mess, or providing a meal, or getting groceries, or taking care of Dog, do you think about the fact that you choosing not to do it means I will need to do it instead? Does it bother you that I have to do everything like I'm your mother, instead of your partner? Do you want me to be your partner, or do you just want me to be your servant?”
You don't know that .
You'll start to notice women are treated differently on Reddit and the rest of the world. Still searching for that equality
You didn't do anything. You're just not old enough/have enough experience to participate in his world. A nearly 30 yo dude dating a fresh-out-of-high school teenager is weird. It says a lot about him, and none of it is good.
His next step is telling you the things you want to do, things that are completely normal for new young adults, are dumb or boring or that he's already done it.
Fair enough! I definitely agree on text breakups and her lack of communication.
Good luck otherwise then! Take your time to grieve as needed, and then heal.