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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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What happened to your friends and family? Can you rebuild those relationships?
If fights that are loud enough that the cops get involved are are regular thing for you and your husband, the divorce might be a good decision for both of you.
However, it does sound like you have trouble maintaining relationships, period, so you might want to talk to a therapist about that.
It's not coming from him, it's coming from your future JNMOM. It unrealistic and you're not wrong. The baby is 12 days old. The moment you both move out, hell with his mom will begin. Prepare. Congratulations on the LO.
She never slept alone in a room. She always had roommates or family members in the same room. Now she’s just incapable of sleeping alone like a little kid. She’s 30 yo. I understand people have different fears. No she never had a trauma.
I do think it is their issue and that it will for sure get out in due time if the boyfriend doesn't already know – in the case all of this is true.
But if you cant trust him and trust is something you absolutely need you should break up in my opinion. You can bring it up but he then will be the one calling you paranoid. I wont call you paranoid but I do think that he will say that to you
What you can do however is to let him know that you dont trust his side of the story and that you dont know if you ever will because it seems like he is hiding something and you cant shake that feeling up
These posts are so painful to read. The OP could mean anything between “he wasnt enthusiastic about a baby” to “he outright told me he would reject a baby” and there's no way for anyone to gear well reasoned advice to her situation. I don't think OP or her husband were being honest with each other and themselves.
It’s not inherently mean to discuss what you need in your sexual life with your partner. You’ve already tried to bring this issue up gently and he’s resistant, so I think it’s time to be more clear. I think once you’re clear about how much you enjoy PIV sex, he should be overjoyed! And want to try to last longer!
I think it’s concerning you were able to communicate your point fluently for days/weeks, and she undermined you by going to your mother directly to sneakily get her mother invited. She might “understand why” now, but does that excuse her ignoring your very very valid point of only wanting to spend time with your family? Absolutely not. I’m glad she’s come around though, hopefully this means you can enjoy your time with your family without having to cater to MIL.
Why is it that men are always coming on here to ask how not to be an asshole to someone they’re rejecting? Were y’all just not taught how to be nice? Or even just basic politeness? This is common sense.
I’ve told him countless times that it’s not happening again but he’s making it seem like I’m being unfair. Idk. I guess I will keep making it clear to him and if he does go then honestly it’s over. I hate that he’s obsessing about it. I just wish he would move past it already like yes it happened but let’s move on already. But yeah I appreciate your comment.
Yeah man don't wastre your time with somebody who doesn't have any respect for you and can't follow basic social guidelines like letting somebody know before you flake on them.
What a jerk man, you are more than justified in feeling annoyed by this.
Don't even message her again, just drop her and ignore.
Just tell him your not a virgin. If you break up then that’s that. Not everyone participates in hookup culture and is quite a turnoff for many. Which from the sounds of it you have slept with many more than he has and will definitely hurt his ego. But his behavior is quite honestly the weirdest shit and pretty disgusting so I’m not sure why you’d allow it to go as far as it has gone. I’d find someone who is more compatible with you not some guy who gets off on the thought of taking someone’s virginity but also maybe don’t lie about your past through omission like you have here.
Can't say don't take it to heart, that'd be rude, but understand that it's okay. And it'll be okay. You can't do anything about not being compatible, and atleast it was only two months… little positive things like that are what you need, along with maybe a chance of pace in various ways. I remember being depressed after breaking up (but it was more because of how it happened, or rather what led to it) for two months, what helped me was doing various things that made me feel more positive about life and the coming days. But it took me two months to even get to a point where I could think of those things, so it tells you how bad it can get, only for things to get better. I'm not an expert though, this is just my little personal experience in how to move on. Take it with a teaspoon of salt.
On paper, he's an amazing husband. He helps clean, does literally everything I ask…. but the problem is that I have to ask. For example, I am extremely allergic to cat litter, I break out in a rash if my cats touch me after using the litter box. But I love having cats, so I've always dealt with it and just washed myself and covered myself in lotion after scooping the litter. He has insisted on taking over the cat litter because of it. Which sounds wonderful! But he always forgets… I'll mention it 5 times and he always says he'll do it later, and eventually gets mad that I keep reminding him. But if I try to do it myself, he gets mad because he was going to do it. If I try explaining that it would be helpful if he actually took the burden off me, but me having to micromanage it to make sure it gets done adds more stress, he gets upset and cannot have a logical discussion about it. All he hears is 'you're fucking up bro' but doesn't seem to have the self-awareness to just… scoop the litter regularly? And then if I don't remind him and he forgets, he says I should've reminded him.
But the emotional conversations, anything about finances, etc, he just can't talk about. He says I know more than him so he defaults to me. But I don't want to be the default! I want an equal partner who can come up with ideas that I can't see myself.
I've been asking myself that question a lot, I'm not a person that seeks out a relationship, I'm very happy on my own. I like spending time with him, I like that he accepts me for who I am, he doesn't give a shit if I sleep with a teddy bear and obsessively plan my life because productivity is my passion, he supports my love of education and spirituality and everything else. He's cool with me needing to buy 20 books every time we drive past a used book store. He just doesn't have anything that he enjoys. Is that enough for me? I'd love to have deep conversations, I'd love to be exposed to new views and have my ideas and beliefs challenged, but he just can't provide that. We work very well on a superficial level, just the basic being around each other stuff, but I'm not a superficial person and I crave emotional and spiritual connection.
Could you give me more information on the students you're talking about? Is there a term for this, something I could research to try to understand more? I do think it may be developmental issues, as he was terribly neglected as an infant, and then his other parent got custody and just neglected him in a different (yet not illegal) way. His mother almost definitely drank or did drugs during pregnancy, and he still lets his father emotionally abuse him, although it's been getting better since I pointed out how awful he is treated. But now it's like he's just replaced his dad with me in his head.
Lol you are in South Africa….do you even know the upheaval going on there in regards to the fallout of government mismanagement and corruption?
There is an old analogy that if you have an open barrel full of live crabs, none will crawl out of the top despite a crab being easily able to do so. This is because the other crabs pull any that try to escape right back into the barrel.
Don’t be a crab, Mom. Move to him if that is so important. But don’t try to ruin his chance to escape.
To name violence alone, South Africa is considered the 6th most dangerous country in the entire world.
Yes!!! OP my darling, is HE good in bed? Does he do things YOU like? Are you sopping wet for him because of all the foreplay he does and how good he makes you feel? Do you come and over?
If not, then all his complaints about how bad you are in bed because you can’t do a quite varsity-level BDSM sex act is PRETTY RICH. Did you know, OP, that even some hardcore kinksters won’t facefuck because they can’t get over their gag reflexes and won’t do any breath play.
I don’t think he’s as “experienced” as he thinks he is.
And you need to ARCH YOUR BACK MORE? Gad he needs to get out of here with that.
You know, OP, plenty of guys are perfectly happy with a regular blow job where they don’t hold onto your head and choke you. Find one of them, and make sure they know how to go down on a woman, unlike your current boyfriend (probably).
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What happened to your friends and family? Can you rebuild those relationships?
If fights that are loud enough that the cops get involved are are regular thing for you and your husband, the divorce might be a good decision for both of you.
However, it does sound like you have trouble maintaining relationships, period, so you might want to talk to a therapist about that.
It's not coming from him, it's coming from your future JNMOM. It unrealistic and you're not wrong. The baby is 12 days old. The moment you both move out, hell with his mom will begin. Prepare. Congratulations on the LO.
She never slept alone in a room. She always had roommates or family members in the same room. Now she’s just incapable of sleeping alone like a little kid. She’s 30 yo. I understand people have different fears. No she never had a trauma.
You knew what an androgynous angel was in middle school!?
You definitely rode the back of the school bus.
I do think it is their issue and that it will for sure get out in due time if the boyfriend doesn't already know – in the case all of this is true.
But if you cant trust him and trust is something you absolutely need you should break up in my opinion. You can bring it up but he then will be the one calling you paranoid. I wont call you paranoid but I do think that he will say that to you
What you can do however is to let him know that you dont trust his side of the story and that you dont know if you ever will because it seems like he is hiding something and you cant shake that feeling up
Some people are attracted to people with “exciting” lives.
I hope that she gets tired of “exciting” before it blows up on her, but she is the only one who can make that decision.
These posts are so painful to read. The OP could mean anything between “he wasnt enthusiastic about a baby” to “he outright told me he would reject a baby” and there's no way for anyone to gear well reasoned advice to her situation. I don't think OP or her husband were being honest with each other and themselves.
It’s not inherently mean to discuss what you need in your sexual life with your partner. You’ve already tried to bring this issue up gently and he’s resistant, so I think it’s time to be more clear. I think once you’re clear about how much you enjoy PIV sex, he should be overjoyed! And want to try to last longer!
I think it’s concerning you were able to communicate your point fluently for days/weeks, and she undermined you by going to your mother directly to sneakily get her mother invited. She might “understand why” now, but does that excuse her ignoring your very very valid point of only wanting to spend time with your family? Absolutely not. I’m glad she’s come around though, hopefully this means you can enjoy your time with your family without having to cater to MIL.
Really it’s no problem, don’t apologize. Enjoy, first I found moist then I found Nathan, my life hasn’t been the same since
Why is it that men are always coming on here to ask how not to be an asshole to someone they’re rejecting? Were y’all just not taught how to be nice? Or even just basic politeness? This is common sense.
“I didn’t know the leopard would eat MY face! I’m so special and different!”
Thanks.
Yes, I’m in treatment for ocd.
Just move forward. Understand that the relationship may never be what it was, but you keep communicating as normal & see what happens.
I’ve told him countless times that it’s not happening again but he’s making it seem like I’m being unfair. Idk. I guess I will keep making it clear to him and if he does go then honestly it’s over. I hate that he’s obsessing about it. I just wish he would move past it already like yes it happened but let’s move on already. But yeah I appreciate your comment.
I do other stuff around their shop, like logging inventory and answering customer emails. Webmaster is my position name still though.
Yeah man don't wastre your time with somebody who doesn't have any respect for you and can't follow basic social guidelines like letting somebody know before you flake on them.
What a jerk man, you are more than justified in feeling annoyed by this.
Don't even message her again, just drop her and ignore.
Just tell him your not a virgin. If you break up then that’s that. Not everyone participates in hookup culture and is quite a turnoff for many. Which from the sounds of it you have slept with many more than he has and will definitely hurt his ego. But his behavior is quite honestly the weirdest shit and pretty disgusting so I’m not sure why you’d allow it to go as far as it has gone. I’d find someone who is more compatible with you not some guy who gets off on the thought of taking someone’s virginity but also maybe don’t lie about your past through omission like you have here.
Can't say don't take it to heart, that'd be rude, but understand that it's okay. And it'll be okay. You can't do anything about not being compatible, and atleast it was only two months… little positive things like that are what you need, along with maybe a chance of pace in various ways. I remember being depressed after breaking up (but it was more because of how it happened, or rather what led to it) for two months, what helped me was doing various things that made me feel more positive about life and the coming days. But it took me two months to even get to a point where I could think of those things, so it tells you how bad it can get, only for things to get better. I'm not an expert though, this is just my little personal experience in how to move on. Take it with a teaspoon of salt.
Did you dump this lying manchild already???
He literally wants to seem cool to his friends and he’s showing pictures of YOUR SISTER to them and PRETENDING IT’S YOU.
He’s disgusting and a scumbag. Throw him away in the trash where he fucking belongs.
Holy hell. It was a joke. I swear half of this sub is folks just sitting around looking for someone to yell at.
On paper, he's an amazing husband. He helps clean, does literally everything I ask…. but the problem is that I have to ask. For example, I am extremely allergic to cat litter, I break out in a rash if my cats touch me after using the litter box. But I love having cats, so I've always dealt with it and just washed myself and covered myself in lotion after scooping the litter. He has insisted on taking over the cat litter because of it. Which sounds wonderful! But he always forgets… I'll mention it 5 times and he always says he'll do it later, and eventually gets mad that I keep reminding him. But if I try to do it myself, he gets mad because he was going to do it. If I try explaining that it would be helpful if he actually took the burden off me, but me having to micromanage it to make sure it gets done adds more stress, he gets upset and cannot have a logical discussion about it. All he hears is 'you're fucking up bro' but doesn't seem to have the self-awareness to just… scoop the litter regularly? And then if I don't remind him and he forgets, he says I should've reminded him.
But the emotional conversations, anything about finances, etc, he just can't talk about. He says I know more than him so he defaults to me. But I don't want to be the default! I want an equal partner who can come up with ideas that I can't see myself.
I've been asking myself that question a lot, I'm not a person that seeks out a relationship, I'm very happy on my own. I like spending time with him, I like that he accepts me for who I am, he doesn't give a shit if I sleep with a teddy bear and obsessively plan my life because productivity is my passion, he supports my love of education and spirituality and everything else. He's cool with me needing to buy 20 books every time we drive past a used book store. He just doesn't have anything that he enjoys. Is that enough for me? I'd love to have deep conversations, I'd love to be exposed to new views and have my ideas and beliefs challenged, but he just can't provide that. We work very well on a superficial level, just the basic being around each other stuff, but I'm not a superficial person and I crave emotional and spiritual connection.
Could you give me more information on the students you're talking about? Is there a term for this, something I could research to try to understand more? I do think it may be developmental issues, as he was terribly neglected as an infant, and then his other parent got custody and just neglected him in a different (yet not illegal) way. His mother almost definitely drank or did drugs during pregnancy, and he still lets his father emotionally abuse him, although it's been getting better since I pointed out how awful he is treated. But now it's like he's just replaced his dad with me in his head.
No, she's never cheated. I trust her implicitly. She doesn't want to because she trusts me, but she's always welcome to go through my phone.
She's very reserved. Always has been.
Lol you are in South Africa….do you even know the upheaval going on there in regards to the fallout of government mismanagement and corruption?
There is an old analogy that if you have an open barrel full of live crabs, none will crawl out of the top despite a crab being easily able to do so. This is because the other crabs pull any that try to escape right back into the barrel.
Don’t be a crab, Mom. Move to him if that is so important. But don’t try to ruin his chance to escape.
To name violence alone, South Africa is considered the 6th most dangerous country in the entire world.
Maybe you need to go outside more often yourself
This is delusional.
You are not dating an adult. You are dating a child. She gaslights you and then wants sex. Get rid and don’t look back bro.
This made me laugh ???
Yes!!! OP my darling, is HE good in bed? Does he do things YOU like? Are you sopping wet for him because of all the foreplay he does and how good he makes you feel? Do you come and over?
If not, then all his complaints about how bad you are in bed because you can’t do a quite varsity-level BDSM sex act is PRETTY RICH. Did you know, OP, that even some hardcore kinksters won’t facefuck because they can’t get over their gag reflexes and won’t do any breath play.
I don’t think he’s as “experienced” as he thinks he is.
And you need to ARCH YOUR BACK MORE? Gad he needs to get out of here with that.
You know, OP, plenty of guys are perfectly happy with a regular blow job where they don’t hold onto your head and choke you. Find one of them, and make sure they know how to go down on a woman, unlike your current boyfriend (probably).
Congrats on all of your very hot work paying off!! Working on your credit score can be a tough, long, uphill battle- but you absolutely crushed it!