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I completely understand that the children come first
you can stop here. this is the bottom line. if you pressure your partner to soothe your emotions and compromise on his best intentions for the well being of his children, it will not work out well for you, him, or his kids.
but I feel
this is what you need to focus on. you feel a certain way. feelings are normal, but they're not always helpful. it's up to you to decide whether these feelings are serving a useful purpose in your life, or whether you should work to become at peace with them and let their power over you fade.
but he always blames it on money. I do feel like I am walking on eggshells at times
OP, please walk out TODAY. This is a toxic environment, and the longer you stay, the harder it gets to put yourself first.
Have a look at the resources I mentioned.
I am willing to compromise – its just naked when my sisters are younger and dont understand. I just feel like whatever I do I am going to disappoint someone
Your life will be a LOT easier not being with a toxic person.
Yeah true. It is early enough now where we have time to figure out what we wanna do. I just don’t wanna end up wasting either of our times
Sounds like she still loves him
I used to drink a lot and I never slept with anybody. I didn’t want to. You need to leave her. She’s untrustworthy two months it’s not a very long time and she’s not a good girlfriend.
Great advice to give children. Many adults need this as well!
Gonna be honest this just sounds like a run of the mill affair. I suspect you won't like my post and will probably be angry.
Plenty of people after they are already caught up in the emotional aspect of an affair suddenly seem great big problems in their relationships, problems that they also dismiss the possibility that they contributed too. Maybe he sucked, but I don't think you are a reliable narrator even for yourself.
A lot of people see marriage as this kind of catch all for all their issues. They also have this notion that life is about being happy. It's not, and this guy isn't going to be and answer to that either, he will have other things that are not so great.
You seem self absorbed, but then everyone who cheats does, the idea that your kids are happier is kind of a tell. I suspect you gauge your kids happiness by your own, which is also typical. But hey I could be 100% wrong here.
The thing that is supposed to keep you from cheating isn't because your relationship is perfect or even good, it's because it's the right thing to do and you made a vow. All marriages have stretches where it's naked. Even the best ones. That's not to stay you have to stay married, but really going through the steps of divorce when the marriage is not working out pulls out a lot of your own bullshit. It's harder to pretend like you aren't part of the problem when you have a fallback fantasy that you can just bring up in your head whenever reality might intrude.
Finally people who are quick to want to forgive themselves for doing things that hurt others are suspect to me. But at least some part of you knows that's BS which is a good thing, it means your not to far gone, or a sociopath.
I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who pushes you and doesn't just reinforce your inner monologue. Or don't and just call me an asshole, then you can wait until this fantasy turns into reality and you are right back where you were before. Then I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who challenges you.
Don’t dodge the question or say something dumb.
Something you’re all too familiar with…
If you took several seconds to read all of OP’s comments to other redditors you’d see that she her actions are solely dictated by her spitefulness.
Ultimately, both of you have to want to be in the relationship. And she doesn't.
Calling her selfish and stupid for wanting to break up was … probably never going to change things in your favor. I'm sorry. The best thing you could do now is to let her go and take a break from dating.
Sounds like what they would do is not fuck someone other than their spouse
What I read was, “He disrespects me and makes me feel like shit about myself and my boundaries. How do I cater to his every whim and cause myself maximum disrespect and trauma in the process?”
YOU DONT OWE HIM SHIT. Block him and never speak to him again, problem solved.
Yeah, human trafficking is so rampant in “massage” parlors that i would honestly rather my SO cheat on me with some random chick. Now OP has to wonder if her bf exploited some poor woman who was coerced into working there under fear of deportation
Either tell him an earlier time or as someone else suggested, leave without him, or do whatever you were going to do.
She just sounds friendly to me, but you can always mention your wife / marriage from time to time as a subtle boundary. She’ll pick that up.
This sounds like my ex boyfriend Kyle who is now 27 I think. We broke up about 5 years ago and let me tell ya.. there are real men out there who will treat you right.
Let her know you are interested in dating her once everything is over between her and her boyfriend.