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No parent or partner is perfect. You say he isn’t a bad man. He just seems incapable of being what you want him to be. Your expectations of him are largely unfair by the sounds of it. Since you say you have issues with your grief, have you considered therapy?
I will also add that you don’t know what happened between your parents. You don’t know at all. Maybe your mom had issues too. She wasn’t perfect, just as your dad wasn’t. Parents should never involve their children in their drama, and that included not relying on you to console her. That was inappropriate and pitted you against your dad.
You are dating a child, not a man. You know you deserve better than that. If you had received two troubling phone calls prior to jamming with your boyfriend + his roommate, do you think you would’ve slapped his headphones off, shoved him, and told him to fuck off and eat shit? Probably not, because you sound like a reasonable person. Nip this in the bud (cut ties with him) before it spirals. His behavior is inexcusable.
Why do you think you’re from a middle class family? A middle class family would not have this opinions about the working class. Or am I crazy?
Yea I was thinking that
Is there a chance the kid is not his?
Please run from this
What he calls the “male mind” isn’t the male mind. It’s actually a form of self invalidation, emotional suppression, and avoidant attachment (all easy to google and read up on why that shit will mess you up over time). So sure it can help numb emotional stress up front, but overtime that shit backfires.
In some ways he needs to go on the same journey as you, to learn more about feelings and how to relate to them such that they provide useful direction on how to online life. The only difference is you’re on the opposite side of the spectrum, for you, you need more validation and help processing your feelings so they’re more manageable. For him, he needs the same in order to respect, connect to and use his feelings to his advantage so he’s not as numb and emotionally shut off.
All true. I am just not a fan of claiming every small conversation is a sign of manipulation and abuse.
OP herself said she seeks validation from people by cooking for them. If the BF is aware of that then its not unreasonable to be worried that she could be doing the same here. Now, I know what OP did is a sign of compassion and in many places its even expected of the friends and family to cook for the deceased's family, so it doesnt strike to me as weird but its not something everyone does, and given OP's tendencies the BF can be concerned.
The point is, unless the OP says this is his reply everytime she tries to cook for someone, its not right to jump to conclusions of manipulation and abuse. I dont mind being proven wrong. I am more than happy if the BF turns out as you said and OP managed to leave before anything happened, but this own its on doesnt indicate much.
He’s literally in the dumps over it enough to post on Reddit. That’s not projection, that’s the obvious. He’s already internalizing things like her laughing at someone else’s jokes about him, the literal worst thing to do is laugh at him about it and storm off. You don’t think someone already insecure is going to become more insecure as a result of something that made him start posting online about it???
A joke from a person trying to put you down isn’t less rude. If it wasn’t an insult and just came out wrong, she would have probably apologized. You can try to argue that a joke isn’t the same, but that’s ridiculous. Schoolyard children know jokes can be insults. That means nothing. Do the math: she knew he was insecure, she was in a bad mood all day, and she was irritated at his choice of conversation. She wasn’t being nice and just joking around, because then she wouldn’t be refusing to acknowledge her partner was hurt by her joke and blaming him for ruining the night.
You’re very Slippery. As soon as you read the word jokingly, you’re all in on it and that’s your new argument— nothing happened anyway and it was all a joke ?
I cry in front of my girl, she gets pissed, and tells me it's “weak”. Completely invalidating my feelings.
You will be surprised on how many men enjoys getting their butt stuffed LOL!!!
Dont want to pour salt on your wound… but these guys constantly talk about “wife changing money”… so, yeah, there’s that.
I don’t think that’s the way to go about it. Don’t say YOU’RE the one who thinks it’s boring because that’s just opening the conversation with dishonesty. Plus it’s just going to expose that you read his stuff. Just find a way to add excitement into the relationship without being too obvious.
Okay…. So tell him, “we both go or neither of us go.”
That isn’t that naked. Again, you don’t convince him by asking nicely. He plainly doesn’t give a FUCK about you. You understand that right? You want to stay married and not have him cheat, you need a spine, otherwise, be content with being the other woman in your own marriage.
Well we don't know your best friend but either A. you both were drunk and you cheated B. you went to bed alone and your best friend took advantage of you.
It it is A then you fucked up , if it is B you should report your best friend to police. Who says this will be the last time he tries something like this with someone?
So you think she is oblivious to how rude this behavior is? Because I think it's more likely she's taking advantage and knows it.
Why is your relationship “strained”? If you don't mind saying, of course. It feels like that would lend some context. I mean, is she “sensitive”…or “always the victim”. Because someone who gets offended when they don't get their way isn't sensitive.
fb is so far from the truth on some peoples lives its not even funny. They use it as a way to show off as much as they can but oddly enough, its those people that are suffering more than most. All the women that write in the comments “gorgeous” “you go girl” etc its actually ridiculous. Ive seen 400lb woman have “gorg” written on a terrible pic. She looked more like she was ready to Gore someone lol!
Congrats OP! You did great! Wishing you an awesome life.
Just tell her. This sounds like a legitimate health concern.
Every relationship goes through the “honeymoon phase”: everything is new and exciting and interesting about the other person. You want to spend every waking moment talking to them or thinking about them or being intimate. But it doesn't last forever.
Humans aren't really hardwired to be OBSESSED forever. The hormones associated with a new partner fade, and you get settled in to the next phase of the relationship: regular life together.
From his point of view, your anxiety and need for reassurance was something that needed care and attention. Subconsciously though, he thought he would “fix” you, show you how deep and true his love was and that would be that, you'd “get it”.
But your brain is sick from depression, and that can't be “fixed” like this.
Now that the honeymoon phase has faded, he's seeing all the time and effort he put into reassuring you that he really, really loves you, and seeing you still needing that reassurance… and he's, frankly, tired.
It's not your fault. You're sick. Your brain doesn't work correctly. But he's feeling some caregiver's fatigue from it nonetheless.
As to your actual question: If you want everything to just go back to how it was during the honeymoon phase, it won't. Young love is a unique thing, it doesn't last forever. Love matures into something else, something different.
You two need a serious, grown-up conversation about what you want out of the relationship. You need to be prepared to hear him out, validate his feelings, and make compromises. He needs to be understanding of your illness and committed to helping you combat it, even when it's naked or inconvenient for him.
It's not going to be easy, but with patience and understanding it can be done. I've been with my high-school girlfriend for 16 years now, married for 6. It's not impossible.
And that's why you never date coworkers or work with partners.
Get proof of the blackmail and go to hr.
Or just ignore him.
He thinks you’re being dramatic for having a gun pulled on you…? Repeat that multiple times and think really naked if you should continue that relationship.
Cheating is cheating. Doesn't matter if it's with the same sex. And she hides it from you. Just wait until you have kids and she tells you she's turned gay and wants to move in with her girlfriend and take the kids with her. I assume you didn't sign up for a poly relationship so why should you accept it.
Oh look, another age gap relationship with a stinky loser OP is outgrowing and she thinks the problem is her instead of recognizing that repulsion is her body's way of telling her to gtfo
In many of these relationships gone wrong on this subreddit, there’s almost always a large age gap. As a man, I truly don’t understand why mid 20s women go for the 40 something men. A 6 or 7 year gap is digestible, but 10+ is just odd. Men of that age have more resources and so can be charming with gifts and fancy dates, but if you genuinely believe that the guy who’s 15 years older is worth it, you really need to proceed slowly and with caution.
Tell the girlfriend, OP, and get tested for STIs. This man is vile.
Is the term roommate really GF or spouse? Are you sure he is single?
First of all, you need to stop thinking “Everything in the relationship is perfect but”.
Everything is far from perfect. This situation is 100% not normal.
You guys need to talk about it. If he's on the defensive and he does not want to improve, it's a HUGE red flag.
Yup, asking was one thing (still not a good idea but whatever) but then not taking no for an answer is a whole other level of wrong.