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It is going to be near impossible to try and change someone's mindset and believes, because to him this is the “truth” and in some cases someone “truth” is the only one there is and anything else is “false”. People like your boyfriend aren't going to learn these comments are harmfull.
So that leaves for you the question; are you willing to stay in a relationship like this and keep on pushing yourself to “change” him or are you going to help yourself and find a loving partner who is caring, sweet and respectful to you throughout your whole relationship instead of only the first few months?
This community will always answer “break up” for every problem, don't expect any other solutions fron here
No offense but I think you’re overreacting. If I found out my SO said this I probably would just laugh
saw the same thing happen with my ex wife. Not a co worker. A dude from the gym. All of a sudden, mulitple likes on the guys page. Guess what happened next? lol
Again, I know. Because I was IN IT.
Still took the time to keep up with my routine because I knew otherwise I would just sink.
Op can decide not to do anything to battle their depression, his gf will andshould break up with him.
How can you not know exactly what your parents did to hurt your wife so badly. How can you not support your wife and children. You are supposed to forsake all others.
I’ll give you an example- suicide is considered a crime. You’d think that was stupid right? You’re penalizing someone for mental health issues?
It’s actually a “crime” so that the police are authorized to break down your door because of probable cause if they can’t get to you and they get a warning call from you or someone you called. It’s also so that they can get a judge to sign off on involuntary admission to a psychiatric ward. The person doesn’t usually actually get charged (unless it’s very specific circumstances of other crimes also being committed)
Similarly, CP laws are written in a way to be preventive in case it gets out to others. The minor in question usually won’t get charged, unless there are a lot of other factors (like they are distributing it themselves) etc
Well definitely let him know “butt-ne” is in fact a common thing, and that you’d rather he not point it out. Btw you can use any products you might use on your face for acne on your bum and body too, if it bothers you. I found that biking and spin gave me really bad painful zits there, so starting doing other types of exercise and no longer get them. But everyone will still occasionally get a pimple/spots there, and it’s totally normal!
Accelerate that timeline, bro
That’s a big nope on that. Looking past the general principle, she can easily locate other purchases to make a deal out of. Ever bought porn? Ever subbed to anything? Ever take cash out?
Also the fuck she going to do, full on investigation and questioning on every purchase she flagged over a year?
Whole thing is invasive and stepping over the line. The only time a partner should have access to your financial records is when you’re married. At that point, joint banking accounts make sense. Until then, keep it separate.
If she won’t accept this, then you’ve got to think – what other unreasonable demands are you in for next week/month/year. Cut your losses at that point.
No he is cheating. You don’t need viagra to masturbate either. You gong to have to wise up and play detective or pay a detective.
If she knows you're insecure about it, and that it's a sensitive issue; then she's spiteful for it. If she doesn't know then she didn't know and probably just said it cause all dudes are insecure about it — you mentioned a gender thing and she clapped back.
For what it's worth you could be big to her, idk if y'all are that open about it or have talked about it. If you haven't talked in depth about it with her you could just be thinking of her perspective from the wrong angle because of your insecurity.
Also, why didn't you just get a vasectomy after the original four?
This was my first thought. OP seems very secure on their plan for the number of kids they have and no more, why have the risk there at all.
I can’t give her a child because she doesn’t have a job to take care of it
INFO: there are places that sell spare fridge shelves. Why don’t you buy one?
I don’t know if it’s fair that they get exclusive use of the crisper, but horizontal fridge space is imo more valuable than vertical space and they should get some sort of priority there.
Goddamn this shit was triggering. My abusive ex who I was with for 10 years used to say basically the same thing: “if you have to ask, you’ll never know” and “if I tell you what I want/need, that means it’ll be ‘forced’ and not real”; while I was sitting there thinking “I’m not a goddamned mind reader!” If anyone ever says something like that to you, fucking run y’all.
Grown ups communicate. Grown ups work on their issues rather than assuming their partners are telepathic.
Grown ups also don’t groom and date and marry teenagers (and I say that as someone whose husband is 8 years older than me- but I was 28 and he was 36 when we met. Both adults with caterers and shit, not a barely legal teen and a middle aged person!)
puh-reach. I'm on the other side of this – a woman who likes it but when I got with my partner he indicated it wasn't his thing and briefly gave his reasons. I took him at his word and dropped the issue forever cuz the dude is so freaking awesome why would I allow such a dumb small thing to take off the shine? Years later I'm happy as a clam cuz yea – a single specific sex act is like less then 1% of what makes a happy long term relationship…
I have a person like this, she's my cousin so hella hard to avoid – but I don't see her unless it's Christmas and even then it's too much. In highschool dudes were young and dumb, this wasn't a reflection of you but rather their selfishness and Carly's absolute garbage tier friendship.
My cousin who is my Carly in this scenario also got pregnant right out of highschool, only she has 5 kids now. I'm 33 now, and I've been with my current partner for 3 years. Because I love my partner and I don't give a fuck about trying to make someone who was absolute dog water to me in the past look better to someone I see my entire future with, I was honest about what she did and why I get anxious with her around. True to form, my cousin has flirted with him and even went as far as touching my bf's thigh (insanely close to his penis). My bf calls her out, because he's not a 19 year old thinking with his dick, he's a grown man who loves me.
I get that you have sympathy for Carly because she's a product of her upbringing, but that's a garbage excuse to sleep with your friends bfs and disrespect their relationships. If she tries to fuck your boyfriend cut her out. Keeping her as a friend because you feel bad for her is lame, seriously. How does that friendship really benefit you if you can't even trust her to meet your partners?
She’s torching her relationship because of made up fears.
Doesn’t mean it’s intentional but it does mean that she lacks the emotional maturity or integrity to be in a relationship.
And with her health she could even die, healthy people get complications all the time i cant imagine what pregnancy could do to her body
When you had enough. pack your bags, and pull the plug when he's winning.
No,it will not. That's a myth passed around by forced birth folks. Actual human women when polled about their feelings about abortions they have had report strongly positive feelings about having the procedure done. Please don't spread forced birth propaganda .
From an economical point, this is just the right time to act.
Your kids are all grown, they are not as dependant on their father anymore.
Since you are married for 20 years, this is time you are supposed to prepare for your retirement and medical issues will slowly begin to creep in.
However, since he has many other mouths to feed on, he will take and take and take and will leave you destitude and alone. He already sounds like a torture to on-line with it will get worse. This is the perfect time to jump from this sunken ship, you are free now.
Dont worry about his denial, all cheaters deny everything at first, it is a wonder you managed to find this much evidence in the first place. Then they blame/say they are sorry/get angry etc. It is a well known scripts, all cheaters behave similar.
Hire a private detective, they will give you full report in a week. Go to court and destroy him.
Dont worry about your kids reaction do you honestly think they are so selfish to demand you to stay married when your husband has stolen from them and gave all that money to affair kids? How do you think they will react when they find out their college money is gone?
Really?
His parents opinions are not worth the paper it is written. He is their son, they will always support him, they dont have a choice.
Sleep seperate
Leave. Self respect.
No. Don't ask him. Do it
UpdateMe!
Plus why would you post in the first place if you can’t handle being disagreed with?
Sounds like you use marriage as a way to try and fix your relationship. There’s your first mistake. I hope you don’t start thinking a child might also fix your relationship..
My ex spat on me during an argument, staying with her was a massive mistake, I gave up so many important friendships to be with her, and it simply wasn't worth it.
It's dehumanizing, it's abuse, and it serves no purpose other than to let you know how little they really care about you.
I wouldn't describe our relationship as struggling, I'd say it's equivalent to most people's who've been married for the length of time we have. Only that archaic taboos aside, an extra marital sex arrangement could spice up my life in a way that would improve my marriage to someone who has no desire for sex where for myself it is an extremely important part of my life, just as my other hobbies and pursuits are.
Her body her choice. You were “talking” not committed. End of story.
You can't.
If you do not want to support her forever, you have to break up.
Plus the joke? Every joke has a pinch of truth.
Op’s toxic friend I think deep down wants to be Op and have her BF!
Well, he can’t feel like all of this is outta left field. You were obviously having sex without using protection so anyone with a brain knows what can come of that. Yes, it can be a surprise to some extent, but it can’t be a total and complete shock if you weren’t actively trying to NOT get pregnant.
My husband and I tried for years to get pregnant, gave up when it wasn’t happening, and then, poof, got pregnant. It was a surprise and my husband was a little shook but really only because it takes him a little while to process extreme emotions, positive or negative. After that it was smooth sailing.
It sounds like to me, and I know I’m not in your relationship and don’t know anything about either of you, he isn’t really sure about how he feels. He’s freaking out a bit, obviously. The only real advice I can think of to give is to create some space for both of you. If it’s possible, one of you should go stay with family, maybe you so you can be close to people who are supportive of you and are going to surround you with positivity.
He really needs to take time to thoroughly think through all the outcomes of the situation. You’ve made it clear that you are keeping your child so he knows what options are really left to him. It might be easier for him to think through everything that’s happening around him while not facing and seeing it every day. I know that may sound awful and it may seem unfair that you have to make this accommodation for him, but because of what my husband experienced, I know some people react unexpectedly to some of these bigger events and need a little room to process.
You can also take this time to soak up the positive emotions of your support team so you can focus on being happy and excited about the changes coming your way. Set a finite time to be separated and then come back together to work through where you both go from here. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. It may be hard, but if your partner is not supportive that can put far too much stress on you through something very important to you. Better to know now than further down the road.
I’m sorry this was so long. But I hope everything works out for you in the best way possible. Good luck and, of course, congratulations on the little one coming your way!
Walking around hard and jerking off are two totally different things.
What is most infuriating about this to me is the fact she “apologized”, you were understandably upset, and instead of literally anything else she immediately starts interrogating you about old photos. OP, I am happily married and still have old photos from HS boyfriends, my first marriage, trips with old partners, etc. Much like you, I don't ever really even look at them. I have however, looked at them with my husband and we had a lot of laughs over the associated stories, his perception of my exes, etc. Big difference is he isn't insecure.
I would honestly be worried it wouldn't stop there. She also seems to show no remorse at all. She didn't tell you because she felt bad about doing it or because she felt guilty. She told you because she found something she wanted to confront you about and there wasn't any way to “hide” how she found that info.
This type of behavior easily transfers over into her reading your emails, social media, texts, etc. It would be different if she idk, did a background check or something but what she did was creepy.
Tell your mom that he's going to come by, so she better gather up all the various goats to compensate him
Sexual attraction partially depends on physical appearance. For some emotional aspect makes it less relevant, for some it doesn't impact the physical attraction.
He can't force himself to be turned on by you. It is how it is.
“Men will not want to date a single mother especially one that became mother at 20 (it was 19 not 20)”
Ma’am/sir.. who hurt you? And you’re so wrong..