It sounds like she liked you when you worked together, then she went to school, life happened, and now she’s meh about it. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Wait for her to contact you. Don’t overthink anything, and don’t be desperate.
Two decades ago I accidentally ran across an email thread between my relatively new husband and some random woman who lived in another country. At the time he and I owned an internet cafe in a busy tourist hotspot (internet access for tourists with a smattering of local regulars who didn't have access at home, at the time), and I managed “the server” (incredibly primitive back in the day vs. today).
On the surface their conversation wasn't overly damning but I'd already heard that my husband might be the unfaithful type…so I emailed her. I laid it all out on the line, my fears and worries with a gazillion apologies just in case I was off the mark. She responded almost immediately and was incredibly apologetic for being with him b/c she had no idea that he was committed/married. Anyway, my gut had already explained what my brain needed to hear.
TLDR: your gut probably already knows what your brain needs to know, as painful as that may be. And I am wishing you the very best of luck convincing your heart, because that's truly the biggest hurdle of them all. I sorry you're going through this, OP. The good news is, there truly are some good fish at the end of that proverbial sea!
yeah i pretty much built a wall for now in my healing process. there’s more to the story so for now i’ve been keeping to myself until i feel like i can trust again.
INFO: how old are you? This sounds like kindergarten shit but you're together 15 months? You guys really started early because my 10 yo stopped doing this kinda shit at 8.
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I don't think it's unreasonable for him to request a move. The way he sees it, you guys have been living in your comfortable place all this time and now he'd like to have a go. Totally fair. Demanding that you do so under threat of divorce is unfair and controlling. Unless there are details that have been left out, I'd say start.
Why would I have any reason I troll about this situation? Why would I lie about anything when I'm coming to other to ask for help. Accusing someone of that isnt fair.
If you truly like having a beard, then you need to find someone who also likes it.
BUT, if your going to preclude your own opinion with your mother’s opinion first, as though that is sooo much more important than not only your significant other’s opinions, but even your own, then you have waaaay bigger issues than whether or not to grow your beard.
I have never been fond of my son’s beard, but he still grows it. You know why? Because it’s his facial hair and his decision, not mine. And I respect that.
You need to cut the apron strings and stop putting your mom first or even second. Or get used to your GFs running for the hills. Cause this is one giant walking red flag.
You deserve better than a judgmental, delusional partner. I say delusional because her withholding STD info is absolutely worse than her failing to understand that you wore heels. In some places, what she did can be considered criminal. Not ok. Spare yourself the heartache and move on.
Just to say, neurodiversity doesn't really mean that.
Neurodiversity refers to the concept that some people”s brains develop differently from what is considered typical, and their mind processes things differently. Like we are all given the same stimulus, for example, but how we process, think about it and react to it would be different as obviously we are all different people, but some would be very different and considered an atypical presentation. Someone with ASD might find processing certain sensory stimulation (audio, light etc) more intensely and brighter than a non-ASD person. You tend to find certain atypical processes trend, and those trends are linked to the differences in the person's brain development.
Morality is a very complex concept, and there is such variety in moral values that is not necessarily dependent on neuropsychological differences but purely on the person's environment and experience. It's rarely what the moral values are but how these values are presented or processed across the neurodiverse population. Example: some people with ASD might be more likely to have black-and-white mentality with their processing of moral values but this isn't actually just an ASD trait at all.
In conclusion, the idea that OP's lover has different moral values can't be simply summed up in a “ih it's neurodiversity”. Fact is, moral values are very diverse in relationships across everyone, and if someone doesn't agree with yours, they won't be a good fit for you. A relationship is a partnership, and so you have to be on the same page about how the relationship works. Many other things can be different e.g. religion, hobbies, taste etc, but how relationships work for you need to be shared between partners.
She didn't say their marriage would be sexless, she asked for her boobs to be left alone because she's breastfeeding and uncomfortable with them being sexualized. I feel bad for OP's struggle but the request was neither bizarre nor unfair.
He’s disrespecting you and your relationship. I think anyone would be uncomfortable / stressed in your situation. He doesn’t respect you enough to stop this whole “work wife” nonsense. And even though you set a clear boundary about all of this, he still goes off and disrespects it. I’m sorry, you deserve better. If he won’t listen to you and your feelings about all of this then I think it’s just best to cut it off. Not worth putting yourself in jeopardy when someone else can give you twice the amount of respect this guy is giving you currently.
Is he tech savvy? Does he have any prior experience with Android phones?
When you uninstall an app, it's gone. You'd only receive notifications from tinder if he's getting browser notifications from an active live account with tinder after specifically turning on browser notifications for this specific website.
Is she in therapy? On antidepressants? It sounds like the two of you need to have a very serious discussion about where you go from here because this sounds unbearable. Hospice care or something where her whole world isn't just you. I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope you find something that helps. Good luck.
Honestly, I don't know. I wanted to know the truth, so at least there is closure and I won't be having all these questions in my head again. But god knows, what I would do once I know the truth. My mind is always so loud
I know sometimes it is best to leave when things become so messy, but the thought of it scares me. I have invested so much in him, and he's my first love. I don't know how this will end up, but I hope I'll be happy in the end.
Not it’s not about the ring or invites. But weddings cost money. Rings cost money. Deposits must be made. When you spend on something you invest in it. And you’re right, she could’ve gotten nervous and changed her mind. But only she knows that. On another note, I would love to hear from OP if she has done anything manipulative in the past. For him to go directly to that statement is….a lot.
They worded as they was an altercation and said I was escorted off property. There was no altercation, and I thought everyone was escorted off after being fired. Working with a different staffing agency hoping to get start date soon.
He may have still loved you (and even to this day still loves you), and just never admitted to himself he loved this other woman as well. Managing emotions like this is incredibly difficult (at least in my opinion). I can’t imagine being married and having sex with someone else and managing all the emotions that come with that. He didn’t handle it well, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you to a degree.
I bet he was and still is dealing with a lot of guilt, considering he’s now being so accommodating about the assets. Just roll with it and know things will get better for you.
As an anxious but understanding girl the lying would be the main reason I would feel uncomfortable and that you only hang out during work hours and text a lot. You said that you and this women don’t have a lot in common, but can spend hours talking? What do you talk about if you don’t have anything in common?
Also, it’s important to realize WHY you like talking to her, do you like the attention from another women that’s new and fresh or do you actually gain from the conversations?
This exactly – he's in love with the chase. It should have given you pause that he's had FOUR previous marriages that all failed. He probably can fool the wives for a short period of time and then the real him comes out.
You’re in love with him? You don’t have an idea of what love is, because you don’t even love yourself. I could (maybe) get if you guys had kids and stuff. But you moved in within a month, he cheated on you from the start and it’s only 9 months in and you’re worried you’ll never find anyone else attractive? I’d rather have someone I didn’t find attractive and learn to love their “flaws” than he with an abuser who cheats on me. Break up with him and love yourself first.
Why would you need to find someone else to leave this prick? Have you never heard of being single? I was single in my 20s and you know what? I learned to love myself. You need that in your life. Find out who you are as a person. Find out what makes you happy. Only then should you find someone else. Someone who will add to your light, not take away from it. You can have fun in the meantime, but figuring out how to love yourself is a vital aspect of happiness.
Well, either she was mental health issues or she’s super immature and is making all this up as an elaborate way of distancing herself from you ahead of a break up, to give herself plausible deniability.
Either way the response from you should be the same, break up with her. You’re 18 and have your entire life ahead to of you. This girl is bad news. Ditch her.
Exactly. If she knew her husband just had friendly intentions, wife wouldn't be having an issue in the first place. There's something up with that man and wife knows him well enough to have sniffed it out already.
If OP wants to do her a favour, have the affair so she leaves him ?
If you don’t mind loosing an earnest money deposit, tell her she can keep looking until your due diligence period is up and if she finds anything better you’ll cancel the contract. (I put an offer on a house that I liked which was accepted, only to find my dream house the next morning. Decided to suck it up and loose a little money to get the house I loved and haven’t regretted it for a single day in the last 3 years.)
Sounds like his actual plan is to move without you given that he actually hasn't included you.
She came over tonight, asked her on a date and she said yes!
I don't blame you. And I wouldn't be able to do 6 months with my parents or my in laws either they can rent somewhere close by.
I wouldn't be comfortable having guests for that long when we can communicate perfect, let alone when there's a language barrier.
It sounds like she liked you when you worked together, then she went to school, life happened, and now she’s meh about it. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Wait for her to contact you. Don’t overthink anything, and don’t be desperate.
Two decades ago I accidentally ran across an email thread between my relatively new husband and some random woman who lived in another country. At the time he and I owned an internet cafe in a busy tourist hotspot (internet access for tourists with a smattering of local regulars who didn't have access at home, at the time), and I managed “the server” (incredibly primitive back in the day vs. today).
On the surface their conversation wasn't overly damning but I'd already heard that my husband might be the unfaithful type…so I emailed her. I laid it all out on the line, my fears and worries with a gazillion apologies just in case I was off the mark. She responded almost immediately and was incredibly apologetic for being with him b/c she had no idea that he was committed/married. Anyway, my gut had already explained what my brain needed to hear.
TLDR: your gut probably already knows what your brain needs to know, as painful as that may be. And I am wishing you the very best of luck convincing your heart, because that's truly the biggest hurdle of them all. I sorry you're going through this, OP. The good news is, there truly are some good fish at the end of that proverbial sea!
Leave her. Her silence when you asked the question speaks volumes. You'll be better off without her. You deserve somebody that respects boundaries.
Tell ur husband what the roommate is doing and I say do be there by yourself
Just curious, if you felt that way in every relationship, what made start them?
I will not do anything. I feel it but I won't do it
Be you bro and sorry this happened 🙁
Just go with it and let him be reassured at last
yeah i pretty much built a wall for now in my healing process. there’s more to the story so for now i’ve been keeping to myself until i feel like i can trust again.
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INFO: how old are you? This sounds like kindergarten shit but you're together 15 months? You guys really started early because my 10 yo stopped doing this kinda shit at 8.
You’re 24. He’s 22. You shouldn’t get back together with him. A kid is stressful. Find someone else. Be single for a while. Everything will be okay.
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Thanks, I hope your new meds work for you
He wants a FWB not a girlfriend, you’ve already thrown yourself at him, he’s thinking might as well smash since that’s a part of what you want.
I don't think it's unreasonable for him to request a move. The way he sees it, you guys have been living in your comfortable place all this time and now he'd like to have a go. Totally fair. Demanding that you do so under threat of divorce is unfair and controlling. Unless there are details that have been left out, I'd say start.
Why would I have any reason I troll about this situation? Why would I lie about anything when I'm coming to other to ask for help. Accusing someone of that isnt fair.
Sounds like you’re getting made a fool
If you truly like having a beard, then you need to find someone who also likes it.
BUT, if your going to preclude your own opinion with your mother’s opinion first, as though that is sooo much more important than not only your significant other’s opinions, but even your own, then you have waaaay bigger issues than whether or not to grow your beard.
I have never been fond of my son’s beard, but he still grows it. You know why? Because it’s his facial hair and his decision, not mine. And I respect that.
You need to cut the apron strings and stop putting your mom first or even second. Or get used to your GFs running for the hills. Cause this is one giant walking red flag.
I live with a septic tank
If it’s yellow let it mellow ( till the next time)
If it’s brown or bloody flush it down
You deserve better than a judgmental, delusional partner. I say delusional because her withholding STD info is absolutely worse than her failing to understand that you wore heels. In some places, what she did can be considered criminal. Not ok. Spare yourself the heartache and move on.
Noodle arms weird penis
Just to say, neurodiversity doesn't really mean that.
Neurodiversity refers to the concept that some people”s brains develop differently from what is considered typical, and their mind processes things differently. Like we are all given the same stimulus, for example, but how we process, think about it and react to it would be different as obviously we are all different people, but some would be very different and considered an atypical presentation. Someone with ASD might find processing certain sensory stimulation (audio, light etc) more intensely and brighter than a non-ASD person. You tend to find certain atypical processes trend, and those trends are linked to the differences in the person's brain development.
Morality is a very complex concept, and there is such variety in moral values that is not necessarily dependent on neuropsychological differences but purely on the person's environment and experience. It's rarely what the moral values are but how these values are presented or processed across the neurodiverse population. Example: some people with ASD might be more likely to have black-and-white mentality with their processing of moral values but this isn't actually just an ASD trait at all.
In conclusion, the idea that OP's lover has different moral values can't be simply summed up in a “ih it's neurodiversity”. Fact is, moral values are very diverse in relationships across everyone, and if someone doesn't agree with yours, they won't be a good fit for you. A relationship is a partnership, and so you have to be on the same page about how the relationship works. Many other things can be different e.g. religion, hobbies, taste etc, but how relationships work for you need to be shared between partners.
Is your boyfriend Zapp Brannigan? Does he also suffer from sexlexia?
Pregnancy doesn’t cause people to start mistreating others. You weren’t under a spell. All you’re doing is deflect and be selfish.
She didn't say their marriage would be sexless, she asked for her boobs to be left alone because she's breastfeeding and uncomfortable with them being sexualized. I feel bad for OP's struggle but the request was neither bizarre nor unfair.
The… Make your post insufferable to read.
She's liked an old pic to try to get you to reply to her. Ignore it and get on with your new life
Have a good time at the game. Maybe you will meet someone worth dating at the game.
Show her this post. It was written gently & got your point across.
I really do appreciate you giving it to me straight lol. Thank you
He’s disrespecting you and your relationship. I think anyone would be uncomfortable / stressed in your situation. He doesn’t respect you enough to stop this whole “work wife” nonsense. And even though you set a clear boundary about all of this, he still goes off and disrespects it. I’m sorry, you deserve better. If he won’t listen to you and your feelings about all of this then I think it’s just best to cut it off. Not worth putting yourself in jeopardy when someone else can give you twice the amount of respect this guy is giving you currently.
Is he tech savvy? Does he have any prior experience with Android phones?
When you uninstall an app, it's gone. You'd only receive notifications from tinder if he's getting browser notifications from an active live account with tinder after specifically turning on browser notifications for this specific website.
Is she in therapy? On antidepressants? It sounds like the two of you need to have a very serious discussion about where you go from here because this sounds unbearable. Hospice care or something where her whole world isn't just you. I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope you find something that helps. Good luck.
Honestly, I don't know. I wanted to know the truth, so at least there is closure and I won't be having all these questions in my head again. But god knows, what I would do once I know the truth. My mind is always so loud
I know sometimes it is best to leave when things become so messy, but the thought of it scares me. I have invested so much in him, and he's my first love. I don't know how this will end up, but I hope I'll be happy in the end.
Wow that's some friend. Who needs enemies.
Not it’s not about the ring or invites. But weddings cost money. Rings cost money. Deposits must be made. When you spend on something you invest in it. And you’re right, she could’ve gotten nervous and changed her mind. But only she knows that. On another note, I would love to hear from OP if she has done anything manipulative in the past. For him to go directly to that statement is….a lot.
They worded as they was an altercation and said I was escorted off property. There was no altercation, and I thought everyone was escorted off after being fired. Working with a different staffing agency hoping to get start date soon.
this
He may have still loved you (and even to this day still loves you), and just never admitted to himself he loved this other woman as well. Managing emotions like this is incredibly difficult (at least in my opinion). I can’t imagine being married and having sex with someone else and managing all the emotions that come with that. He didn’t handle it well, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you to a degree.
I bet he was and still is dealing with a lot of guilt, considering he’s now being so accommodating about the assets. Just roll with it and know things will get better for you.
As an anxious but understanding girl the lying would be the main reason I would feel uncomfortable and that you only hang out during work hours and text a lot. You said that you and this women don’t have a lot in common, but can spend hours talking? What do you talk about if you don’t have anything in common?
Also, it’s important to realize WHY you like talking to her, do you like the attention from another women that’s new and fresh or do you actually gain from the conversations?
The fact he exchanged sexual photos with a 16 year old, means he has a disturbed mind.
No, people who swear they have changed, haven't.
It can happen again. He's attracted to younger girls.
Sorry to deliver you the most cruel comment but damn. He's a pedophile.
That’s not a relationship that is equal at all
She taking you for a ride
My partner earns weekly I monthly
We each take it in turns on date nights split bills and rent equally
I pay my own phone bills
He pay his
Anything extra we want because it’s our money we get
We have our own bank accounts and out bill money ecr into the bills account.
My mum also lives with us ( they drive me insane) with two cats and two dogs I pay for the cats he pays for the dogs.
It’s all about sharing a life not you giving and her taking
Please think about marrying her when she don’t care if she takes Al your money
It's obvious what to do. Report The Car Stolen.
It's not difficult.
This exactly – he's in love with the chase. It should have given you pause that he's had FOUR previous marriages that all failed. He probably can fool the wives for a short period of time and then the real him comes out.
Do you think have a shitty dad would be better than no dad?
Do you think a maniuplative freeloader is a great example of a father?
Are you in an open relationship?
You’re not dating. You’re the back up plan for if something better doesn’t come along. Next.
Sounds like your MIL is moving in.
Repeat after me:
I ain't nobody's plan B. Either you choose me or you lose me.
I'd take this as an opportunity to grow for yourself. Good luck on your future relationships to come.
You’re in love with him? You don’t have an idea of what love is, because you don’t even love yourself. I could (maybe) get if you guys had kids and stuff. But you moved in within a month, he cheated on you from the start and it’s only 9 months in and you’re worried you’ll never find anyone else attractive? I’d rather have someone I didn’t find attractive and learn to love their “flaws” than he with an abuser who cheats on me. Break up with him and love yourself first.
Why would you need to find someone else to leave this prick? Have you never heard of being single? I was single in my 20s and you know what? I learned to love myself. You need that in your life. Find out who you are as a person. Find out what makes you happy. Only then should you find someone else. Someone who will add to your light, not take away from it. You can have fun in the meantime, but figuring out how to love yourself is a vital aspect of happiness.
Well, either she was mental health issues or she’s super immature and is making all this up as an elaborate way of distancing herself from you ahead of a break up, to give herself plausible deniability.
Either way the response from you should be the same, break up with her. You’re 18 and have your entire life ahead to of you. This girl is bad news. Ditch her.
Sounds like some shitnthe ass holes Messing with joycelyn would do
Exactly. If she knew her husband just had friendly intentions, wife wouldn't be having an issue in the first place. There's something up with that man and wife knows him well enough to have sniffed it out already.
If OP wants to do her a favour, have the affair so she leaves him ?
If you don’t mind loosing an earnest money deposit, tell her she can keep looking until your due diligence period is up and if she finds anything better you’ll cancel the contract. (I put an offer on a house that I liked which was accepted, only to find my dream house the next morning. Decided to suck it up and loose a little money to get the house I loved and haven’t regretted it for a single day in the last 3 years.)