Oh absolutely invite him over to talk with you. Check him out. Do not push her away and make this a “you and me against the world” situation.
Bring up everything you have in common as part of the same generation. “Oh you were at that Nine Inch Nails concert? So was I! Didn’t you smoke me out?”
Your boyfriend is busy planning his own future. That future may also include some vision of a future he imagines that the two of you could potentially have together, but it's still very much just his future alone.
If it were a shared future, your boyfriend would be asking for your input and taking that into account. But apparently your input isn't relevant enough to his own planning for him to even so much as discuss his next moves with you before he makes big, life-altering decisions.
To me, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are just not on the same page. And I get that that's probably a heart-breaking realisation, but regardless of how much you love each other, you are both still so young and if your current circumstances and dreams for the future differ so much, then there is just no point in either of you waiting around for the other or follow the other around.
To be clear this is a relationship between two 30-year olds?
I don't think this person is ready for a relationship. That's extremely immature behaviour. He is basically pining after his ex-girlfriend while in the current relationship. That's a recipe for disaster.
Just to say, neurodiversity doesn't really mean that.
Neurodiversity refers to the concept that some people”s brains develop differently from what is considered typical, and their mind processes things differently. Like we are all given the same stimulus, for example, but how we process, think about it and react to it would be different as obviously we are all different people, but some would be very different and considered an atypical presentation. Someone with ASD might find processing certain sensory stimulation (audio, light etc) more intensely and brighter than a non-ASD person. You tend to find certain atypical processes trend, and those trends are linked to the differences in the person's brain development.
Morality is a very complex concept, and there is such variety in moral values that is not necessarily dependent on neuropsychological differences but purely on the person's environment and experience. It's rarely what the moral values are but how these values are presented or processed across the neurodiverse population. Example: some people with ASD might be more likely to have black-and-white mentality with their processing of moral values but this isn't actually just an ASD trait at all.
In conclusion, the idea that OP's lover has different moral values can't be simply summed up in a “ih it's neurodiversity”. Fact is, moral values are very diverse in relationships across everyone, and if someone doesn't agree with yours, they won't be a good fit for you. A relationship is a partnership, and so you have to be on the same page about how the relationship works. Many other things can be different e.g. religion, hobbies, taste etc, but how relationships work for you need to be shared between partners.
Not a lawyer. But without a prenup, any assets you bring into the marriage are yours when you exit the marriage. That's my understanding, at least.
It works both ways. My ex-wife brought a ton of student loan debt into the marriage and I had absolutely no responsibility for it during or after the marriage.
Welcome to your first breakup. You'll remember it (hell I do and my first one was almost 40 years ago!) but you know what, you'll get over it and move on with your life.
Give yourself some time to grieve and work through the emotions but set a limit on it – say a couple of weeks. Listen to sad songs, stare wistfully at some trees, get drunk, whatever floats your boat.
But do it for no more than two weeks and then give it a rest and get on with your life.
It'll hurt and a small lump will stay with you, but remember the good times, learn the lessons and move on.
But please understand OP that you can and will get over this.
It's not “cheating” per se, but it is a gross behavior that no serious person would be involved in. Whether to end things over this depends on whether you're looking for a responsible life partner or just a silly sex toy. She's not fit to be the former (at least not yet) but she's probably perfect to be the latter.
And i again 1000000 % agree. They should break up then. But people going on about dead bedrooms… ffs. These are kids! They are 18! If OP honestly feels he really doesn't want to be in a sexless relationship he should leave! Just like she should leave because something they are doing together is causing her mental stability harm.
They should not be together. But people going on in the comments acting like this girl is trying to punish him if fucking moronic.
She was honest in telling him she isnt comfortable having sex with him which for anyone man or woman! If your partner says no… it's fucking NO!
You can very well leave the relationship you have every right to!
But it's ridiculous saying OP is dealing with ultimatums or mental anguish because she was honest with him.
Idk why she feels that way that's for him to actually have a discussion with her, incase he did anything not saying he did bt jst incase to make her feel unsafe that he knows!!! And doesn't make the same mistake with the next girl. And if she honestly is just not in a good space mentally OP should break up with her so she has time to heal without worrying about anyone's sexual needs being met.
Since she has moved do you go visit her? Has she come to visit you? If you or her haven’t or rarely do, I think now is the time for a visit. See what her reaction is to you coming or her coming to see you. Also ask to meet this guy from her work and others she has friended there. If you get to meet him or them form your opinion afterwards. Then have a talk with her if need be. If she won’t do any of these things I would say something is very fishy. Finally always go with your GUT instincts as they are usually right!
Oh absolutely invite him over to talk with you. Check him out. Do not push her away and make this a “you and me against the world” situation.
Bring up everything you have in common as part of the same generation. “Oh you were at that Nine Inch Nails concert? So was I! Didn’t you smoke me out?”
she does drugs. leave her lmao
Eww. You don't need to handle this. Just go.
What kind of advice are you looking for exactly?
Your boyfriend is busy planning his own future. That future may also include some vision of a future he imagines that the two of you could potentially have together, but it's still very much just his future alone.
If it were a shared future, your boyfriend would be asking for your input and taking that into account. But apparently your input isn't relevant enough to his own planning for him to even so much as discuss his next moves with you before he makes big, life-altering decisions.
To me, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are just not on the same page. And I get that that's probably a heart-breaking realisation, but regardless of how much you love each other, you are both still so young and if your current circumstances and dreams for the future differ so much, then there is just no point in either of you waiting around for the other or follow the other around.
That's a good idea thanks for the advice
Emotional blackmail. Maybe trying to get you back or play the father to her son
To be clear this is a relationship between two 30-year olds?
I don't think this person is ready for a relationship. That's extremely immature behaviour. He is basically pining after his ex-girlfriend while in the current relationship. That's a recipe for disaster.
Sounds like you’re getting made a fool
Just to say, neurodiversity doesn't really mean that.
Neurodiversity refers to the concept that some people”s brains develop differently from what is considered typical, and their mind processes things differently. Like we are all given the same stimulus, for example, but how we process, think about it and react to it would be different as obviously we are all different people, but some would be very different and considered an atypical presentation. Someone with ASD might find processing certain sensory stimulation (audio, light etc) more intensely and brighter than a non-ASD person. You tend to find certain atypical processes trend, and those trends are linked to the differences in the person's brain development.
Morality is a very complex concept, and there is such variety in moral values that is not necessarily dependent on neuropsychological differences but purely on the person's environment and experience. It's rarely what the moral values are but how these values are presented or processed across the neurodiverse population. Example: some people with ASD might be more likely to have black-and-white mentality with their processing of moral values but this isn't actually just an ASD trait at all.
In conclusion, the idea that OP's lover has different moral values can't be simply summed up in a “ih it's neurodiversity”. Fact is, moral values are very diverse in relationships across everyone, and if someone doesn't agree with yours, they won't be a good fit for you. A relationship is a partnership, and so you have to be on the same page about how the relationship works. Many other things can be different e.g. religion, hobbies, taste etc, but how relationships work for you need to be shared between partners.
Not a lawyer. But without a prenup, any assets you bring into the marriage are yours when you exit the marriage. That's my understanding, at least.
It works both ways. My ex-wife brought a ton of student loan debt into the marriage and I had absolutely no responsibility for it during or after the marriage.
Why does he want to move back? He was willing to move for his ex fiancé and not willing to stay for you?
Call police next time he threatens self harm. Break up.
Welcome to your first breakup. You'll remember it (hell I do and my first one was almost 40 years ago!) but you know what, you'll get over it and move on with your life.
Give yourself some time to grieve and work through the emotions but set a limit on it – say a couple of weeks. Listen to sad songs, stare wistfully at some trees, get drunk, whatever floats your boat.
But do it for no more than two weeks and then give it a rest and get on with your life.
It'll hurt and a small lump will stay with you, but remember the good times, learn the lessons and move on.
But please understand OP that you can and will get over this.
We all do.
It's not “cheating” per se, but it is a gross behavior that no serious person would be involved in. Whether to end things over this depends on whether you're looking for a responsible life partner or just a silly sex toy. She's not fit to be the former (at least not yet) but she's probably perfect to be the latter.
And i again 1000000 % agree. They should break up then. But people going on about dead bedrooms… ffs. These are kids! They are 18! If OP honestly feels he really doesn't want to be in a sexless relationship he should leave! Just like she should leave because something they are doing together is causing her mental stability harm.
They should not be together. But people going on in the comments acting like this girl is trying to punish him if fucking moronic.
She was honest in telling him she isnt comfortable having sex with him which for anyone man or woman! If your partner says no… it's fucking NO!
You can very well leave the relationship you have every right to!
But it's ridiculous saying OP is dealing with ultimatums or mental anguish because she was honest with him.
Idk why she feels that way that's for him to actually have a discussion with her, incase he did anything not saying he did bt jst incase to make her feel unsafe that he knows!!! And doesn't make the same mistake with the next girl. And if she honestly is just not in a good space mentally OP should break up with her so she has time to heal without worrying about anyone's sexual needs being met.
Since she has moved do you go visit her? Has she come to visit you? If you or her haven’t or rarely do, I think now is the time for a visit. See what her reaction is to you coming or her coming to see you. Also ask to meet this guy from her work and others she has friended there. If you get to meet him or them form your opinion afterwards. Then have a talk with her if need be. If she won’t do any of these things I would say something is very fishy. Finally always go with your GUT instincts as they are usually right!